Love: Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family... - FML

By Damnsoup - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

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Understandable

Recycling helps

They're everywhere

By RiceSickle - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I received the $30 parking pass that I ordered over 4 weeks ago. My class is only 4 weeks long, and next week is the last week. FML

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By pandora - Israel - Palmahim

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

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By caitiexob - United States

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

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By Delilah - Norway

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

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By Red Toad - 26/12/2020 20:59 - United States - Litchfield Park

Holiday assumptions

Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML

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By notimpressed - United Kingdom

Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML

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By KitKat20 - United States - Fargo

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

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By Pregnant - United States

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

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By fUcKOAHdSAjl - United States - Manchester

Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML

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By littlegirl - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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By not even getting any of her shrimp - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

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By Anonymous

Chewbacca goes surfing

Today, my wax appointment cancelled on me, we’re supposed to be going to Hawaii in the morning and now I can’t wear a bikini because my stomach and back are hairier than my husband's. FML

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By Devin - United States

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

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By torturedears - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 16:56

Family matters

Today, I was told by step-dad, who I live with, that my mom "hates my guts" while smiling so big, because he got a call from her. He's so desperate for her to come back that all the lying, cheating, manipulation, and emotional abuse doesn't push him away. She's a tornado. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/suprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML

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By me - United States

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally accepted I need help with my anxiety issues. I started small and I joined a support forum and wrote a post. I was quickly called a troll by multiple users, accused of faking it, and told to "fuck off back to Tumblr" because they wouldn't believe my anxiety is really so serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pembroke

Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML

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By Anonymous - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

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By fuckyouharddad - United States - Sacramento

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

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By x - United States

Today, a 32 year old man I had been dating for a few months, finally took me to his place. To my surprise, this bachelor had a huge and very clean home! Also, to my surprise, I met the REAL homeowner. His grandmother, who came home early. We were having sex on her couch at the time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Castle

Today, a student turned in homework she copied off an online answer key. The wrong key. My students are too stupid to cheat right. FML

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By longdrive - United States

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

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By good big sister? - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 14:02

Sewer monster

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

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By angela - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

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By webcammistake - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

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By fmlalways - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

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By trigfail - New Zealand

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

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By asianlover - Finland

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

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By stinkypants - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

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By AML - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

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By sasquatch21 - Bahrain

Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he's in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He's forgotten I even existed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

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By fezhafeez - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the girl I like asked me to take over her shift at the place we both work at. Being nice, I readily took over. Later, I found out she went on a date with my best friend. He knows I like her. FML

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Top comments

By BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363393 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:48

Okay, totally embarrassing...but we all do stupid stuff like that sometimes! lol

By divineinstrument | 2

#363563 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:51

Well done #4, you've turned the comments for this FML into a page where other brainless people like you can post that they actually know their own number. *applauds -_-*

Honestly, what use is there in posting something like that: "HOMG! I agree wiv teh number 28... oh wayt tat iz me!! LOL LOL LOL!" Not fucking funny!

COMMENTS

By BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363393 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:48

Okay, totally embarrassing...but we all do stupid stuff like that sometimes! lol

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363458 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:08

I agree with #8

Reply

ElliexMarie | 0

#365470 - Saturday 4 July 2009 0:43

BAHAHAHHA.
FYL(:
haha well at least it wasn't just her ; so it didn't seem intentional.

Reply

TeeHee124 | 0

#1310476 - Saturday 28 August 2010 1:21

You've never had dinner with your fiancees parents?

By OmniFML | 0

#363401 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:51

Take advantage of it whilst you still can! You'll never be able to get away with treating her "accidentally" like dirt ever again!!!!!

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363468 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

I agree with #10

By myshadow_89 | 0

#363411 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:54

Hey on the bright side at least it wasn't just her. :)

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363438 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:03

I agree with #5

By lolwst | 1

#363432 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:02

I agree with #4

Reply

BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363440 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:04

maybe they lived out of town or something. i dont know...but i have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 and a half years and, while i have met his entire family, i have yet to actually have an official, sit-down gathering with them.

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#363563 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:51

Well done #4, you've turned the comments for this FML into a page where other brainless people like you can post that they actually know their own number. *applauds -_-*

Honestly, what use is there in posting something like that: "HOMG! I agree wiv teh number 28... oh wayt tat iz me!! LOL LOL LOL!" Not fucking funny!

By lolwst | 1

#363447 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:05

I agree with #6

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363490 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:14

I agree with #15

Reply

AAAAHHHH12 | 2

#363869 - Friday 3 July 2009 15:30

Hehe you're a butthead..
:D

By Avenging_Angel | 0

#363464 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

I agree with #7

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363475 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:11

I agree with #12

By Glam_fml | 0

#363469 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

Look on the bright side: they will never, ever forget you.

I sincerely hope the soup had cooled down... 

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363485 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:13

I agree with #13

Reply

Crunchy_fml | 0

#363501 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:18

the soup cooled down, the mother didn't.

Reply

ying_blank | 0

#363706 - Friday 3 July 2009 13:07

Yeah, probably one day, you guys will all sit back and laugh about it

By RedRose | 0

#363489 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:14

Would not it go all over you instead of them?

By MissxKim | 0

#363491 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:15

wow that suckss! FYL!

By Crunchy_fml | 0

#363495 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:16

weakling.