Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family... - FML

By Damnsoup - 3/7/2009 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

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Toxic parents

The cheek of some people

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 5/7/2019 14:00

Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML

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By a single fuck - 23/5/2013 16:40 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

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By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/7/2020 08:01

Fucknut

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

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By someonepleasehelpme - 18/7/2014 16:49 - United States - Centreville

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

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By Aleena Rashid - 20/6/2019 06:19

Today, I bought a flatpack, easy to assemble cot-bed for my baby. I spent 5 hours building it, but when it was done, I realised I couldn't reach into it because I'm 5ft and my arms can't reach and lift the baby. I'd have to throw him in. I'm suffering from back spasms as a result, and I now need to disassemble and return it. FML

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By nrelavender - 26/5/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML

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By Anonomous - 29/12/2014 00:31 - United States - Plainfield

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Outdoorsy

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 13:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

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By blackedout - 6/10/2009 05:25 - Singapore

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

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By julie24 - 30/5/2014 02:30 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 23:03

Devious, the lot of them

Today, I was out walking with a cute girl when we passed by a house with a Trump sign. Trying to make her laugh, I went to steal it. Turns out it was booby trapped. I got drenched by a sprinkler when I got close. FML

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By UnluckyArtist - 14/9/2009 18:54 - United States

Today, I had an art class with my girlfriend. The teacher assigned "anti-cards", or cards for unusual or bad occasions. My girlfriend decided to make a "break-up" card, and I helped her write the poem inside it. After class, she gave it to me. FML

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By Sh*t - 2/7/2012 21:17 - Venezuela - Caracas

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

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By BigFoot - 29/7/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes when I felt the heels break underneath me. Not only did they cost two paychecks worth, but as I was leaving I heard the sales girl say that "we really should have a weight limit for who can try on our products." FML

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By PlaneGuy - 25/2/2017 01:00 - Reunion - Saint-denis

Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML

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By notmycircus - 2/12/2014 05:30 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, the school counselor asked me to leave the grief counseling group for the death of my sister. Apparently, I scare the others. FML

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By megamonster99 - 7/11/2016 15:06 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

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By TrueStories - 13/4/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

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By Meg - 13/6/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

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By grossedoutgirlfriend - 4/10/2019 14:00

Not so normal, no

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

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By PizzaNIF - 13/7/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - 11/10/2011 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

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By knobbed - 27/1/2014 23:09 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

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By mudy247 - 27/4/2017 20:00

Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML

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By Labelme - 2/1/2010 08:26 - United States

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

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By Wrongdoor - 6/12/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

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By why - 2/5/2016 20:08 - United States - Beachwood

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2016 16:38 - United States - Astoria

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

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By CurseYouSonyaLee - 12/11/2013 15:27 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

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By dan - 13/8/2020 17:01

Unloved

Today, I found out that all of the times my mom told me that she was busy out of town wasn’t due to work, it was that she was going on vacations with her boyfriend and his kids. FML

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By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/2/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 05:33

Today, while on a family Disney world vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom's floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

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By hotpatata - 6/7/2012 15:03 - United States

Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML

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By PoachedFish - 29/12/2010 10:57 - Lebanon

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

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By 86145 - 16/8/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2020 08:00

Age ain't nothing but a number

Today, I was asked for ID to purchase decorative scissors. I was buying them to make my wedding decorations. FML

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By wowthanks - 11/1/2013 19:37 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Looks like we made it… Oh.

Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML

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By AyoitsSteveo - 24/5/2009 09:49 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

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Top comments

By BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363393 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:48

Okay, totally embarrassing...but we all do stupid stuff like that sometimes! lol

By divineinstrument | 2

#363563 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:51

Well done #4, you've turned the comments for this FML into a page where other brainless people like you can post that they actually know their own number. *applauds -_-*

Honestly, what use is there in posting something like that: "HOMG! I agree wiv teh number 28... oh wayt tat iz me!! LOL LOL LOL!" Not fucking funny!

COMMENTS

By BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363393 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:48

Okay, totally embarrassing...but we all do stupid stuff like that sometimes! lol

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363458 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:08

I agree with #8

Reply

ElliexMarie | 0

#365470 - Saturday 4 July 2009 0:43

BAHAHAHHA.
FYL(:
haha well at least it wasn't just her ; so it didn't seem intentional.

Reply

TeeHee124 | 0

#1310476 - Saturday 28 August 2010 1:21

You've never had dinner with your fiancees parents?

By OmniFML | 0

#363401 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:51

Take advantage of it whilst you still can! You'll never be able to get away with treating her "accidentally" like dirt ever again!!!!!

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363468 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

I agree with #10

By myshadow_89 | 0

#363411 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:54

Hey on the bright side at least it wasn't just her. :)

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363438 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:03

I agree with #5

By lolwst | 1

#363432 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:02

I agree with #4

Reply

BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363440 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:04

maybe they lived out of town or something. i dont know...but i have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 and a half years and, while i have met his entire family, i have yet to actually have an official, sit-down gathering with them.

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#363563 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:51

Well done #4, you've turned the comments for this FML into a page where other brainless people like you can post that they actually know their own number. *applauds -_-*

Honestly, what use is there in posting something like that: "HOMG! I agree wiv teh number 28... oh wayt tat iz me!! LOL LOL LOL!" Not fucking funny!

By lolwst | 1

#363447 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:05

I agree with #6

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363490 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:14

I agree with #15

Reply

AAAAHHHH12 | 2

#363869 - Friday 3 July 2009 15:30

Hehe you're a butthead..
:D

By Avenging_Angel | 0

#363464 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

I agree with #7

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363475 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:11

I agree with #12

By Glam_fml | 0

#363469 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

Look on the bright side: they will never, ever forget you.

I sincerely hope the soup had cooled down... 

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363485 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:13

I agree with #13

Reply

Crunchy_fml | 0

#363501 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:18

the soup cooled down, the mother didn't.

Reply

ying_blank | 0

#363706 - Friday 3 July 2009 13:07

Yeah, probably one day, you guys will all sit back and laugh about it

By RedRose | 0

#363489 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:14

Would not it go all over you instead of them?

By MissxKim | 0

#363491 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:15

wow that suckss! FYL!

By Crunchy_fml | 0

#363495 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:16

weakling.