Love: Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family... - FML

By Damnsoup - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

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Commando

Mother of the year

Let it all hang out

By apple - United States

Today, I had to clean out my room because I was having a sleepover. Only, I've not been in here for months since I've spent every night in my mom's room because I'm too scared to sleep alone. FML

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By fthislyfe - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

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By I stink

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got nearly kicked out of the room I rent because I refuse to close my curtains at night. Apparently, my landlady thinks it doesn't look nice when people pass by and look. My room is on the third floor and I just want to see the stars. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car key clicker wouldn't let me in. After a few frustrating minutes, I realized that, besides electronic capabilities, it's also an actual key that fits in a hole to unlock my door. FML

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By cathouse - United Kingdom

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

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By Amy

Adapt, overcome, improvise

Today, I was squeezed through an overly-crowded hallway down to my psychologist's. There, I sat in an overly-crowded waiting room to see him, next to an obese woman and an insane man. I finally entered the smaller-than-a-closet room. My reason for seeing a psychologist? Claustrophobia. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

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By deucelututi - United States

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

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By Her - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. So we were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say "I Love You". So I told him to "say it already". Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

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By SODbeatlesMCRlp - United States

Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML

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By Lauren - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

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By experience_to_get_experience - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I turned 25. I'm single, still living at home and doing an unpaid internship in an industry I have no interest in, because it was the only accepted application after 6 months of unemployment. The daily 45-minute drive means I'm losing money every week for being "employed" with a PhD. FML

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By Fatlady43 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

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By disgusted - United States - Herndon

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral I was told to man up. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year old boss's new breast implants. FML

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By LOTRfail - United States - Malden

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

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By creepster - Canada

Today, I was hit on by an older man. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was 16, hoping that would get him to leave me alone. He shrugged and said, "We're both human." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my co-workers agreed that I was the one causing the elevator to be over its weight limit. When I protested, saying that I only weigh around 150 pounds, one asked me if that included the weight of my wheelchair. They made me get out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Angleton

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML

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By Santa - Canada

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

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By ps3isbetterthanme - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

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By RDMdragoon - United States

Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her with her now boyfriend in our bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

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By unlucky - United States - Cold Spring

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

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By wideawakeandinpain - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

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By oldschool - United States

Today, I was picking up my little sister from school and while waiting I decided to have a smoke. I was caught and was told to go to the principal's office. I'm 23. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML

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By graveyard-sh*t

Oh, hi Sharon!

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

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By Ah - France

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by sending me a text. She was sitting right beside me on a 10 hour car trip, and there was still 6 more hours to go. FML

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By imalwaystired - France

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

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By fuckingdieyouoldhag - United States

Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML

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Top comments

By BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363393 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:48

Okay, totally embarrassing...but we all do stupid stuff like that sometimes! lol

By divineinstrument | 2

#363563 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:51

Well done #4, you've turned the comments for this FML into a page where other brainless people like you can post that they actually know their own number. *applauds -_-*

Honestly, what use is there in posting something like that: "HOMG! I agree wiv teh number 28... oh wayt tat iz me!! LOL LOL LOL!" Not fucking funny!

COMMENTS

By BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363393 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:48

Okay, totally embarrassing...but we all do stupid stuff like that sometimes! lol

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363458 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:08

I agree with #8

Reply

ElliexMarie | 0

#365470 - Saturday 4 July 2009 0:43

BAHAHAHHA.
FYL(:
haha well at least it wasn't just her ; so it didn't seem intentional.

Reply

TeeHee124 | 0

#1310476 - Saturday 28 August 2010 1:21

You've never had dinner with your fiancees parents?

By OmniFML | 0

#363401 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:51

Take advantage of it whilst you still can! You'll never be able to get away with treating her "accidentally" like dirt ever again!!!!!

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363468 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

I agree with #10

By myshadow_89 | 0

#363411 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:54

Hey on the bright side at least it wasn't just her. :)

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363438 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:03

I agree with #5

By lolwst | 1

#363432 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:02

I agree with #4

Reply

BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363440 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:04

maybe they lived out of town or something. i dont know...but i have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 and a half years and, while i have met his entire family, i have yet to actually have an official, sit-down gathering with them.

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#363563 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:51

Well done #4, you've turned the comments for this FML into a page where other brainless people like you can post that they actually know their own number. *applauds -_-*

Honestly, what use is there in posting something like that: "HOMG! I agree wiv teh number 28... oh wayt tat iz me!! LOL LOL LOL!" Not fucking funny!

By lolwst | 1

#363447 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:05

I agree with #6

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363490 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:14

I agree with #15

Reply

AAAAHHHH12 | 2

#363869 - Friday 3 July 2009 15:30

Hehe you're a butthead..
:D

By Avenging_Angel | 0

#363464 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

I agree with #7

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363475 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:11

I agree with #12

By Glam_fml | 0

#363469 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

Look on the bright side: they will never, ever forget you.

I sincerely hope the soup had cooled down... 

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363485 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:13

I agree with #13

Reply

Crunchy_fml | 0

#363501 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:18

the soup cooled down, the mother didn't.

Reply

ying_blank | 0

#363706 - Friday 3 July 2009 13:07

Yeah, probably one day, you guys will all sit back and laugh about it

By RedRose | 0

#363489 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:14

Would not it go all over you instead of them?

By MissxKim | 0

#363491 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:15

wow that suckss! FYL!

By Crunchy_fml | 0

#363495 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:16

weakling.