Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family... - FML

By Damnsoup - 3/7/2009 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40046

You deserved it

6878

Tweet

Share

Does it taste good?

Assumptions

Goodbye Bill

By jenA - 21/8/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26739

You deserved it

2960

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 16:05 - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17998

You deserved it

2697

Tweet

Share

By Cheesey_Dorito - 10/9/2018 14:30

Today, I couldn't find the keys to open the store I work at. The resulting stress gave me chest pains that ended up sending me to the hospital. I still missed work and my father found the keys under the passenger seat in his car. The same seat I sat in on the way to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2465

You deserved it

464

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 06:33 - United States

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21616

You deserved it

79710

Tweet

Share

By human - 21/6/2019 00:01

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1430

You deserved it

215

Tweet

Share

By bb - 3/10/2012 16:19 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22692

You deserved it

1586

Tweet

Share

By vikts - 29/5/2012 17:52 - Luxembourg - Olm

Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23155

You deserved it

1922

Tweet

Share

By latenightbite - 16/3/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38021

You deserved it

3072

Tweet

Share

By themuffinman - 27/12/2011 15:15 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29603

You deserved it

3206

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/8/2019 22:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I desperately needed a mental health day, so I took the day off work and got some junk food and wine. A few hours later, I'm in hospital with gallstones and pancreatitis, needing an emergency surgery. My mental health day turned into multiple weeks off work, and a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1422

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 02:02

Helping hand

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1120

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By anonymas - 29/1/2010 15:29 - Norway

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24493

You deserved it

3608

Tweet

Share

By em from Cali - 28/7/2012 08:07 - United States - Visalia

Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25366

You deserved it

2499

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/7/2015 17:54 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I spent nearly half an hour looking for my favourite pair of shoes. I ended up getting so pissed off that I accused my boyfriend of stealing them. He then pointed out that I was wearing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13784

You deserved it

34037

Tweet

Share

By theamericandream - 25/1/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40235

You deserved it

2864

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 17:58 - United States

Today, I took a major test, worth half my grade, not realizing that there were questions on the back of the sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23780

You deserved it

38481

Tweet

Share

By Username - 1/5/2014 10:33 - United States

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53300

You deserved it

4467

Tweet

Share

By morethanredhands - 21/5/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26600

You deserved it

7757

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/2/2015 20:24

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37812

You deserved it

2208

Tweet

Share

By danii - 4/10/2011 01:19 - Reserved

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14229

You deserved it

54455

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/9/2012 23:09 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31501

You deserved it

2593

Tweet

Share

By Xerfox - 3/7/2016 18:05 - Germany - L?wenstein

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13253

You deserved it

1871

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 02:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24737

You deserved it

4135

Tweet

Share

By noluckwhatsoever - 6/1/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13956

You deserved it

30416

Tweet

Share

By ohgodwhy - 10/5/2019 12:00

Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1516

You deserved it

521

Tweet

Share

By MIG2204 - 15/4/2019 20:00 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my school told us that we all need to be checked and treated for threadworms. So now I need to go tell my girlfriend that she needs to be checked and treated for threadworms. We have been dating for little over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1899

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By gkline09 - 6/8/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60924

You deserved it

3059

Tweet

Share

By DonMare - 22/4/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53452

You deserved it

7634

Tweet

Share

By Username - 4/10/2010 05:48 - France

Today, my four year old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35229

You deserved it

5262

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2017 22:00

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5827

You deserved it

708

Tweet

Share

By metalflower01 - 11/1/2012 16:31 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37041

You deserved it

4018

Tweet

Share

By Ribbed for Her Disaster - 4/4/2013 16:04 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58258

You deserved it

19357

Tweet

Share

By taptheturtle - 12/4/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

I agree, your life sucks

58404

You deserved it

11009

Tweet

Share

By shutupandsmile18 - 18/4/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46920

You deserved it

16742

Tweet

Share

By DemonicDummy - 5/1/2017 05:06

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10554

You deserved it

2642

Tweet

Share

By Ethan - 17/10/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37987

You deserved it

2380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/1/2016 08:53 - Denmark

Today, I called my mom to make sure she could attend on the wedding day my fiancé and I had discussed. She started off with criticizing the venue we considered, then went on to criticize my fiancé, and then stated she would under no circumstances help out, but demanded to pick my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23344

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48524

You deserved it

4881

Tweet

Share

By surefeelslikelove - 6/6/2011 16:01

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28217

You deserved it

4694

Tweet

Share

By jezusflowers - 7/5/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had the reverse lights on. I thought to myself "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53750

You deserved it

5086

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363393 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:48

Okay, totally embarrassing...but we all do stupid stuff like that sometimes! lol

By divineinstrument | 2

#363563 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:51

Well done #4, you've turned the comments for this FML into a page where other brainless people like you can post that they actually know their own number. *applauds -_-*

Honestly, what use is there in posting something like that: "HOMG! I agree wiv teh number 28... oh wayt tat iz me!! LOL LOL LOL!" Not fucking funny!

Comments

By BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363393 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:48

Okay, totally embarrassing...but we all do stupid stuff like that sometimes! lol

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363458 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:08

I agree with #8

Reply

ElliexMarie | 0

#365470 - Saturday 4 July 2009 0:43

BAHAHAHHA.
FYL(:
haha well at least it wasn't just her ; so it didn't seem intentional.

Reply

TeeHee124 | 0

#1310476 - Saturday 28 August 2010 1:21

You've never had dinner with your fiancees parents?

By OmniFML | 0

#363401 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:51

Take advantage of it whilst you still can! You'll never be able to get away with treating her "accidentally" like dirt ever again!!!!!

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363468 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

I agree with #10

By myshadow_89 | 0

#363411 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:54

Hey on the bright side at least it wasn't just her. :)

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363438 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:03

I agree with #5

By lolwst | 1

#363432 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:02

I agree with #4

Reply

BlackBirdBillie | 0

#363440 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:04

maybe they lived out of town or something. i dont know...but i have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 and a half years and, while i have met his entire family, i have yet to actually have an official, sit-down gathering with them.

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#363563 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:51

Well done #4, you've turned the comments for this FML into a page where other brainless people like you can post that they actually know their own number. *applauds -_-*

Honestly, what use is there in posting something like that: "HOMG! I agree wiv teh number 28... oh wayt tat iz me!! LOL LOL LOL!" Not fucking funny!

By lolwst | 1

#363447 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:05

I agree with #6

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363490 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:14

I agree with #15

Reply

AAAAHHHH12 | 2

#363869 - Friday 3 July 2009 15:30

Hehe you're a butthead..
:D

By Avenging_Angel | 0

#363464 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

I agree with #7

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363475 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:11

I agree with #12

By Glam_fml | 0

#363469 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:09

Look on the bright side: they will never, ever forget you.

I sincerely hope the soup had cooled down... 

Reply

lolwst | 1

#363485 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:13

I agree with #13

Reply

Crunchy_fml | 0

#363501 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:18

the soup cooled down, the mother didn't.

Reply

ying_blank | 0

#363706 - Friday 3 July 2009 13:07

Yeah, probably one day, you guys will all sit back and laugh about it

By RedRose | 0

#363489 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:14

Would not it go all over you instead of them?

By MissxKim | 0

#363491 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:15

wow that suckss! FYL!

By Crunchy_fml | 0

#363495 - Friday 3 July 2009 10:16

weakling.