Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Today a cute coworker asked me out to lunch but I said no because I know how unattractive I am, and didn't think he wanted to be seen with me. He got really pissed and told me that I needed to work on my self-esteem. I just blew up something that could have been wonderful. FML
Today, I hit it off with this really sweet, attractive guy. He asked me a question that I felt uncomfortable answering, and I had a complete mental breakdown like a menstruating teenager when I declined to answer. This is why I'm single. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML
Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML
Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML
Today, I was rejected by my crush at work, because I'm "too ripped." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
"As you wish." Asshole.
Fireashes250 16
What a douche. He could have said it nicer. You definitely dodged a bullet there OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
WhisperSoflty 20
Apparently you have a penis now, Noor.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
err none taken?
TheLittleBear 19
Another idiot who thinks that by saying "no offence" they've got carte blanche to say whatever they like. I hope you offered to do the smashing OP.
ElricMustang 23
What the hell is with the guys being such assholes to girls on FML lately? And OP, what the hell did you like about a guy like that?
dontgivafuk 9
girls tend to be overly dramatic and make shit up.
mattrd_fml 31
I hate when peoe sah "no offense." he knew damn well tbat he was offending you. Sorry OP.
Obey_StudBoii 23
There's better people out there then assholes like him.
elizacandle 29
Why would he say something like that and add "no offense" . Some offense taken, dickwad.
The_Thinker 18
#25 - Noor was being facetious. That is, without a doubt, painfully obvious.
Bojack_fml 10
Fulfill his request then
imdabess 9
Well, you could test him by giving him a hammer. :)