Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Today a cute coworker asked me out to lunch but I said no because I know how unattractive I am, and didn't think he wanted to be seen with me. He got really pissed and told me that I needed to work on my self-esteem. I just blew up something that could have been wonderful. FML
Today, I hit it off with this really sweet, attractive guy. He asked me a question that I felt uncomfortable answering, and I had a complete mental breakdown like a menstruating teenager when I declined to answer. This is why I'm single. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML
Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML
Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML
Today, I was rejected by my crush at work, because I'm "too ripped." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
"As you wish." Asshole.
Fireashes250 16
What a douche. He could have said it nicer. You definitely dodged a bullet there OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
Epikouros 32
Hey, maybe he likes smashing his balls with a mallet and assumed OP would be to innocent to do such a thing. I've seen weirder fetishes. Think positive!
Wiz_Of_Oz 17
Seems like his genes won't make it to the next generation, what with the way he casually sentences his reproductive organs to severe compression.
metallicshadow 16
You should put his statement to the test
msmclovin 4
You dodged a bullet right there.... What a douchecake.
Cassowary_lover 14
And that's when you say, "oh, so would you like a hand with that?"
The_Orphan 3
I also think that you should have caused him irreparable physical damage because he hurt your feelings.
termin8tor786 10
Ohh damn, I felt the pain in my balls reading this post!!!
amann27 9
Well atleast you tried! Good thing you didnt go on a date with him! Insensitive prick.
seanseanie 2
And can you please tell me WHY you like him so much?
whyuacactus 4
You're better off without him, he's a douche