Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML
Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML
Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML
Today, I've been using a lot of Flonase recently for my stuffy nose, and my 4 year-old happens to call it "mommy's special nose medicine" out loud all the time. My neighbors now think I do cocaine. FML
Today, I am babysitting my niece for the first time. After getting her to go to sleep, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze. My sneezes are loud as hell. Attempts to dampen the sound were unsuccessful. My colossal sneeze scared the bejesus out of her, waking her up again, and now she's afraid of me. What do I do now? FML
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Top comments
thatfmlguy25 21
She might have social anxiety. Talk to her more, its a great start to help ease it.
minnymau5 5
OP, maybe you should look into helping her break out of her shell. Her level of introvertedness sounds kind of extreme.
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Comments (50)
tiger820 20
this is the daughter you raised! ?
jake131000 21
I do that haha.
thethunderbolt 11
I was picked on by people when I was at school and would do anything not to draw attention to myself. Maybe this is the same situation your daughter is in
enginsteve 17
People suck. Your daughter is awesome, I wish I would have thought of that.
suznmar 16
It sounds like she needs professional help at this point. Sorry OP, this must be very frustrating for you.
Weasely 11
FYL? She's clearly mentally struggling with something.
yeaforreal 14
Maybe talk to her and try not to judge her too hard for being a shut in? Find out the reasons why and have an actual conversation about them.
hpandher 16
Look at bright side, she is bright
PhoenixProxy 5
what mother has their screen name as my daughter fails at life? maybe you should go get your daughter help for her social anxiety instead of writing this. not to mention you raised her.
ihearthouse928 8
Maybe talk to your daughter instead of berating her on the Internet for what sounds like a serious mental illness?