Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to let my nosy landlord into my apartment to ensure I didn't have an unapproved guest over. Why? Because she overheard me sneeze, and then bless myself. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
Today, I got guilt-tripped into going to eat with my parents and sister. My sister bit into a spicy pepper instead of a mild one, and thought the perfect response would be to shriek, moan, cry, and throw herself to the floor gagging. No she’s not allergic, she’s just a drama queen fishing for a free meal. FML
Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML
Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML
Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my raving lunatic mother screamed at me for being "disrespectful", threatened to not pay for my college, swore at me, and accused me of having multiple personality disorder, all in rapid succession. This was provoked by me sneezing. FML
Today, I've been using a lot of Flonase recently for my stuffy nose, and my 4 year-old happens to call it "mommy's special nose medicine" out loud all the time. My neighbors now think I do cocaine. FML
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Top comments
thatfmlguy25 21
She might have social anxiety. Talk to her more, its a great start to help ease it.
minnymau5 5
OP, maybe you should look into helping her break out of her shell. Her level of introvertedness sounds kind of extreme.
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Comments (50)
citrusglass 22
I think she may be on her way to becoming a hermit.
Deweyboy 10
You need to find someone for your daughter to talk to. I've been dealing with social anxiety for 5 years, and I barely made it out alive. I would go to your doctor and talking to him about seeing a therapist.
iadtgrad07 6
I think people would be less inclined to talk to her, if only they knew what she did.
tkeeton46 17
She is everyone on tumblr
polkmolkqwerty 10
Am I the only one who thought it said "****" and not "shut"
Oz_the_great 10
Is it possible?? The masses want to know.. Let us know if she succeeds..
J483 12
Why don't you talk to her about being so extremely shut in instead of judging her?
fantasyworld 39
Sounds like she has social anxiety.
briedabro 32
Or she could just fake cough.
Janet Cynthia 5
In the post Covid world, coughing is a common tactic women use to avoid creeps on the street as well. I feel like finding out why she wishes to avoid someone talking to her would be more helpful than declaring, "My daughter fails at life"