Love: Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking...

By anonymous2.0 - 12/10/2012 06:15 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 222

You deserved it 3 633

Love

Walk the line

Emo teens

Double header

By El Stupido - 12/06/2011 13:51 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 165

You deserved it 58 350

#ForeverAlone

By WithoutLove - 30/08/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 648

You deserved it 32 955

By rubberduck_of_doom - 09/03/2018 19:00

Today, after months of begging, I finally convinced my friends to go skiing with me. On our first run I suggested a race. Everybody loved the idea. Good news: I came in first. Bad news: I tore a ligament in my knee. It will be operated on tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 633

You deserved it 998

By 1danzo1 - 17/07/2009 10:12 - Australia

Today, I was getting a haircut. I had my foils in for about 10 minutes when the fire alarm went off. The building then started to fill with smoke and we evacuated. While outside watching the fire being put out, I forgot about my foils. I now have bright bleached yellow and orange hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 711

You deserved it 6 079

Who am I?

By lonergirl - 18/02/2015 12:35 - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 054

You deserved it 3 921

By secret123 - 24/02/2009 11:01 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 073

You deserved it 19 043

By cunting cunts - 29/05/2012 17:10 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 466

You deserved it 3 457

By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 405

You deserved it 8 821

By Mak10 - 21/08/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 454

You deserved it 51 088

By igotsbadluck - 17/07/2013 21:44 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 031

You deserved it 41 896

Nice guy

By LucklessNiceGuy - 05/12/2011 07:22 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 451

You deserved it 43 715

By Anonymous - 21/07/2015 17:50 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 845

You deserved it 8 247

Creepy creep alert. Run!

By LeaveMeAlone - 06/04/2017 04:00

Today, my manager "bumped" into me 3 or 4 separate times. I told him months ago I didn't want to date him. He even asked me once if I was ever afraid of being kidnapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 560

You deserved it 298

By Sam - 18/01/2010 17:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my freshly dry-cleaned $200 suit not on my bed. Instead I found my drunk ex-girlfriend. Not only did she break into my house, she decided that she wanted to sleep in my bed and threw my suit into the trash. I have a job interview today and the garbage men already came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 321

You deserved it 2 993

Useless tools

By IronMonkey - 09/06/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 642

You deserved it 7 011

By mymomsstupid - 29/06/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 103

You deserved it 3 729

By dusk - 05/01/2012 08:09 - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 962

You deserved it 4 224

By nonfreehugs - 04/10/2012 05:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 639

You deserved it 2 507

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 15:00 - United States - Garner

Today, after I finally recovering from being ill, my husband complained about the house being messy, that I needed to clean up after myself. I filled 2 large tote bags with his stuff laying around the house, and one small stack of medical bills for me. It took me hours to clean. But I'm the messy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 84

By chaos2007 - 13/05/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 155

You deserved it 5 096

By ihatemylife - 23/10/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, I had to remind my roommates of the importance of wearing clothing at all times in the common living area. My roommates are my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 253

You deserved it 6 044

By Anon - 23/11/2011 01:53 - United States

Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 690

You deserved it 48 137

By oakley - 07/01/2017 09:15

Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 420

You deserved it 750

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 22:00

Today, I threatened to break up with my boyfriend over the Trolley Games in Toontown Rewritten for trying to sabotage my scores. We're 24 and 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 1 594

Not sure that's how it works

By Julisna - 16/09/2021 20:00

Today, after getting sick of my boyfriend pestering me for a threesome, I invited a male friend over. My boyfriend strongly declined, because, "Hell no, I ain’t gay." So this man expects me to be a lesbian, but him being gay is a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 242

By FeedTheBirds - 06/09/2017 22:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 395

You deserved it 477

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Banchory

Today, it became apparent that telling your crush you like them isn't worth a response. I mean after all it's not like I'm sitting here not thinking about them and hoping for something to happen. No no, a simple "No thanks" is too much hard work for some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 331

By iwannagotomiamitoo - 19/08/2013 04:30 - United States - Brookline

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 596

You deserved it 3 140

By Scared4Lf - 19/08/2016 18:10 - United States - Lamoure

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 816

You deserved it 1 510

By Dizzie Rascal - 31/08/2016 11:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 292

You deserved it 1 731

Sometimes the truth is too weird to believe

By fml9124 - 06/06/2021 14:01

Today, my mom grounded me for smoking cigarettes. I'm 13. I don't smoke. She said she smelled it on my clothes. I laughed and said I was in the basement, and used one of my dad's cig's to simulate a house on fire on my train layout. She didn't believe me. Honestly, I wouldn't believe that story either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 482

By Fatty - 06/03/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 116

You deserved it 6 185

By Michigan - 05/02/2009 01:18 - United States

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 668

You deserved it 4 850

Revenge!

By princess98 - 18/11/2019 05:00

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 782

Going well

By shiney100893 - 14/01/2013 12:56 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 367

You deserved it 6 202

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 587

You deserved it 3 951

By Anonymous - 22/08/2017 01:30

Today, my roommate forgot to pay the water bill on time, so they shut it off. Now we're without running water for 3 days and I'm taking my morning dump in Target next to a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 857

You deserved it 440

By de-ow-dorant - 19/01/2017 08:00

Today, as I was putting on deodorant, I sneezed the hardest I've ever sneezed before. I ended up pulling a muscle in my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 984

You deserved it 579

By fucking moron - 09/12/2014 09:39 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 197

You deserved it 2 851

By Kelly - 12/08/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 240

You deserved it 3 953

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

lolmigosh 15

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:01

well that is special in its own way..

SakataGintoki 9

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:06

Doesn't surprise me he was arguing about his mother considering he still acts like a child.

lolmigosh 15

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:01

well that is special in its own way..

jacsoccerdude3 10

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:08

How old is he...15?

iNewKid 18

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:24

^ mentally he is, I guess.

shugacube 13

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 13:02

His reaction seems ridiculous to me

hawright 13

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 13:39

Yes, he is 15, and she is 14 and pregnant.

HappyMonday 14

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 14:07

Threadjackers be jackin'

gc327072 30

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 15:34

38- Happy Friday! *thumbs you down*

BellaBelle_fml 23

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 15:49

No my dear, you are the ignorant one.

HappyMonday 14

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 15:52

#51, enjoying yourself, aren't you?

jacsoccerdude3 10

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 16:54

34- Thank you I think you are the only one who caught that.

hawright 13

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 17:27

69- You are welcome, I didn't want to leave you hanging.

weasel123 9

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:04

Well, that escalated quickly.

mnfer 7

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:29

Well, that's not the most overused line on the Internet.

gc327072 30

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 15:35

Boy* that escalated quickly. And yes, overused meme phrases don't work here.

brittanyrmh_ 12

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 17:37

52 - It's, "Well."

walmartpaysme 15

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 17:40

52 & 74, does it really matter?

MormonPornstar 7

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 19:24

75 - If it doesn't, why ask? Dipshit

citymayer 7

Send a private message

Saturday 13 October 2012 8:28

For 74 it matters bc 52 needs to have his wrong correction corrected bc he's obnoxious.

SneakherHead 5

Send a private message

Monday 15 October 2012 3:27

For 100 your correcting the wrong person you mean 75

ThePrestige 12

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:05

You should tie him up and do what you please next time ;)

SqueakyChipmunk 20

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 15:47

No, the safe word is Specific. If he says "pacific" instead, whip him.

Rosie_Posie43 12

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 16:51

Or maybe just duct tape his mouth

wlddog 14

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 18:26

You guys sound like a blast

SakataGintoki 9

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:06

Doesn't surprise me he was arguing about his mother considering he still acts like a child.

onlychildFTW 33

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 17:34

It sounds like he's 2 or 3. Did you check his diaper? It could be why he is grumpy. Or maybe he needs his pacifier. You married a big baby OP.

PowerRussia 2

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:08

I think you married a child :P

enormouselephant 15

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 21:23

Sounds like he needs to talk about his mommy issues way more often to get them sorted out...maybe with a professional though.

mbusey 20

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:08

If you wanted special time why would you continue to talk about his mother...?

MsConfusedd 27

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:17

Maybe next time you should avoid that subject...

SakataGintoki 9

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 20:24

*touch....*

pokefan813 16

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 21:37

10 pounds of bacon!? :D *reads the rest* Oh you fucker! ;(

SakataGintoki 9

Send a private message

Sunday 14 October 2012 19:35

supportcommand 17

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:20

It's steal. Steel is metal.

DeadxManxWalking 27

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:21

Yes you used the right word of "steal" (to take something that isn't yours)

Unbweavable 17

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 12:23

Well, I guess it's time to get friendly with the neighbors

chellyX92 8

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 22:20

Because cheating fixes everything?

WWEIsLove 4

Send a private message

Saturday 13 October 2012 1:37

I think relationship therapy would be more appropriate for them.

fylx100 19

Send a private message

Saturday 13 October 2012 3:15

I thought for a second there that 15 and 90 were the same person because of their profile picture and arguing with themself. Lol if they would have been the same person, I would have been really confused and laughed really hard.