Love: Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands...

By Ugh - 15/02/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 750

You deserved it 3 830

Love

Compromises

Broken heart

Mr Nice Guy

By killmenow - 21/02/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 667

You deserved it 8 848

By oh my soul - 14/03/2018 01:30

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 774

You deserved it 2 018

By Anonymous - 07/10/2014 16:06 - United States

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 135

You deserved it 3 351

Body issues

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 191

By imwithapples22 - 29/01/2013 16:39 - United States

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 2 382

By anonymous - 05/02/2013 05:22 - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 006

You deserved it 3 188

By usadisvet - 02/04/2015 06:43 - United States - Loudon

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 055

You deserved it 2 605

By zippersaremoreimportantthansentiments - 01/02/2014 08:11 - United States - Montgomery

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 103

You deserved it 6 388

By Anonymous - 13/03/2013 04:57 - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 637

You deserved it 17 462

By Anonymous - 15/02/2017 01:00 - Spain - Las Palmas

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the airport for some much needed vacation time. We arrived on time but were stopped at the gate when they told me I didn't have the right passport. The plane left without me. My girlfriend did too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 563

You deserved it 1 268

Yummy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 23:02 - Germany - Köln

Today, I discovered that 90% of what I do still works on autopilot when I’m too tired to pay attention: Take coffee cup, walk to fridge, open fridge door, grab bottle, pour contents into coffee. The missing 10% was the fact that this particular bottle contained grapefruit juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 406

By awkword - 31/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 937

You deserved it 3 861

By craZycatLady - 20/04/2015 18:06 - United States - Mission

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 266

You deserved it 3 605

By gross. - 28/04/2013 03:25 - United States - Greenville

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 412

You deserved it 6 120

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 633

You deserved it 13 950

By Professional_Ars - 14/10/2018 14:00

Today, the coworker I have a crush on left halfway through the busiest shift of the week, and now I have to work it alone. I eventually found out that she left to go on a date with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 807

You deserved it 362

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 029

You deserved it 5 549

By Bucks9 - 07/05/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 160

You deserved it 7 106

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 102

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/04/2021 11:00 - Germany - Papenburg

Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 221

Narcissistic parents

By wendy - 01/04/2021 10:59

Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 211

By thedudeman14 - 05/11/2014 22:21 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 380

You deserved it 3 161

By Surprisebuttsecks? - 07/12/2011 04:39 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 133

You deserved it 7 358

By Mike Messenger - 05/10/2013 13:51 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 606

You deserved it 3 442

Asshat

By Vivi - 14/07/2021 18:01

Today, my soon-to-be-ex-husband decided to bring our four kids over to tell them we were splitting up, and to make them choose who they want to live with, because "Mommy’s been a nagging bitch." He left out that the "nagging bitch" caught him having an affair the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 16:25 - Serbia - Beograd

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 665

You deserved it 4 368

By AccidentalToiletSpy - 21/08/2018 20:30

Today, in the bathroom at work, I heard two co-workers enter and begin a very private discussion. Not wanting to embarrass either of them, I figured I'd sit quietly until they left. Big mistake. They talked for an hour and a half. I couldn't feel my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 553

You deserved it 885

Curious...

By 16Charlie5 - 19/05/2018 15:00

Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 261

By ouch - 13/08/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 945

You deserved it 4 736

By stpddog - 25/07/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, while trying to get my attention, my dog got her nail stuck in a usb port in my laptop. She freaked out and ran off, dragging it off my lap and through the house before if came off. Her nail was only slightly chipped- my laptop now has a cracked screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 499

You deserved it 8 961

Box of magic

By itchy itches - 23/08/2020 05:05 - United States

Today, my neighbor brought home a box of kittens he found in the park. Instead of calling animal control, he decided to keep them. Besides the incessant meowing throughout the day and night, a massive horde of fleas decided to migrate through his light sockets and into my nice clean apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 231

By baxeh - 27/02/2014 22:42 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my cat pissed all over my work clothes. They weren't even on the floor, she knocked the hanger down just so she could use them as a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 458

You deserved it 4 901

By Alittlebitiffy - 07/11/2016 13:51 - Australia

Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 157

You deserved it 702

By maalmawr - 02/04/2016 05:20 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a friend asked me to help him get rid of a girl who would't stop texting him. It worked perfectly. Now she's texting me nonstop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 881

You deserved it 3 398

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

By DearLord - 03/04/2020 23:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 157

By ms98 - 05/08/2014 04:52 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 676

You deserved it 3 660

Battery

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 05:00

Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 198

By saracenslament - 22/11/2016 11:47

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 623

You deserved it 939

The whole package

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 16:59

Today, I discovered my husband has a secret Facebook where he is a member of many step dad support groups. I thought it was sweet he was asking for advice, until I read some of what he posted. It was purely ranting about how much he hates my kids to other dads, who also hate their step kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 09/04/2015 15:10 - United States

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 589

You deserved it 3 852

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Top comments

theatregurl 0

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 1:50

when I first read this I read it as "tried to sleep with my husbands" it took me a while to realize she was talking about 1 person... I think this is exactly the reason apostrophies were invented

AfterCloudia 4

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 0:16

Wow seriously? Just because he accidentally hit her in the face? Real shallow if you ask me =/ there are worst things in a marriage than accidentally getting elbowed in the face.

BrotherTheo 31

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 22:19

Hurm perhaps he should be checked for Sleep Apnea? Does he also stop breathing when he sleeps?

MsKittyKatWeber 10

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 8:03

I'd bet she would love it if he did. After many sleepless nights you begin to wish some awful things!

romano07 0

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 22:23

just punch him back tonight! >=]

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 22:26

Damn right... I've been elbowed in the nose before, and smacked across the face all while my (then) boyfriend was sleeping. Maybe he was dreaming? I don't know.

Lisa89 3

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 22:46

If he snores so bad don't sleep right next to him!

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 22:52

That might harm the relationship, though. I mean, I can understand where you're coming from; we all need our sleep. But there are ways to solve the problem apart from sleeping in a separate room or something. I haven't tried them, but I heard those nose strips work. As for the issue of him whacking her in the face, get a bigger bed? I've got nothing.

KingDingALing 9

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 23:21

Or she could tie him up. That's a win-win because the OP will get some sleep and then when they wake up, they can have kinky sex!

caramelluv 0

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Friday 18 February 2011 6:39

it's fml not solvemyproblems.con

dreamer1015 0

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 23:13

Been there! I get elbowed in the face all the time.

BloodyHeel 8

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 23:36

That's a shame.

jess2gd4u 0

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 13:56

yeah it sux. the wost i got was a punch in the face when my hubby rolled over. ooouch. lol

blackbird31 0

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 23:29

it's called a divorce...

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 23:33

Really? No... I'd rather keep who I'm with. I love him and I'm not going to dump him just because he (sometimes) snores. I'm no longer with the flailing guy, so that's not a problem. There are ways to solve the issue... why would you suggest divorce? I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that's inappropriate.

wifey28wx 0

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 23:54

this FML sucks...whats happening with the mods these days?

AfterCloudia 4

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 0:16

Wow seriously? Just because he accidentally hit her in the face? Real shallow if you ask me =/ there are worst things in a marriage than accidentally getting elbowed in the face.