Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
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Top comments
lolmigosh 15
well that is special in its own way..
SakataGintoki 9
Doesn't surprise me he was arguing about his mother considering he still acts like a child.
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Comments (105)
_krystallynn_ 11
tell him to man up haha
mykelinva 4
What a pussy. Sack up Momms but
MrSarary 26
You've got a keeper , young at heart
SmittyJA24 26
You married this guy ... Why?
iamzikang 17
I lol'ed so hard hahaha
Rukkus92 16
How did you get onto the topic of his mother when you're trying to steer towards "special time"?
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
That's what I'm saying.
arnthegreat 0
Somehow find the latter half to be an exaggeration.
wubbazugg 5
All you need to do is grab his ****. Just rip his pants down and go to town. If he stops you, there is something seriously wrong with him.
olpally 33
Who passes up Giggity Giggity time to argue about their mother and suck on his thumb? What a bitch...
Tyvex 2
So you're saying its ridiculous to refuse sex and you can think of absolutely no good reasons for this man passing it up in this situation.
rubyliu8420 7
Wait, you did marry a man & not a small child, right?