Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML
Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML
Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML
Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML
Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML
Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML
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Top comments
DrAwesome 6
"Ma'am, please tell your husband to get off of the ground and change himself. We need to continue this investigation."
PurplePigeon 0
I'm pretty sure once the cops get there and see a poo covered, crumby fat guy sleeping on your floor...they won't be able to deny it. :/ that would scare me immensely to come home to something like that.
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Comments (53)
DeathHead 0
Shoot him.
Mixed_Prdgy 0
I hate homeless people they used to raid my house all the time ):
dragonmystik3030 0
ok first you ring 000 and tell them he is armed with a knife. 2nd place kitchen knife in his hand vic cops will shoot just about anyone for ***** and giggles.... sa cops to stoned to care..... qld cops will turn up only after a bribe has been paid, then plant evidence on him that they kindly brought with them.... wa cops will make the homeless man vanish.... nsw cops will first ring the "police integrity" to ask what they should do IF they decided to turn up, and bitch and moan all the way there. then pretend they cant find him once they are there... tassie cops are either in bed with a close relative or growing the dope for the sa coppers... guess your better off buying a big dog :) #47 unfortunately most if not all states here in oz do not have the allowance for shooting someone in self defense and in most cases have laws totally against it .. worst. is most states here have law still in place stating, that if the CRIM that brakes into YOUR home and gets hurt, he CAN SUE YOU.. yeah unfair
dannoman 0
fake...the cops never dont believe something because there are lawsuits if they dont show up
padma_yeshe_dawa 0
That's horrible! you poor thing!
777conrad 2
I'm going to have to call bullshit on this one
tykiej 0
Call the police back & tell them you had to shoot him im self defense.
skyeyez9 25
You better toss out your toothbrushes, hairbrush and bar of soap too. I bet the bum helped himself to those items as well.
atj0015 0
Shoot the bastard. Problem solved.
Sailor_Crackhead 0
Roll him out of your house/flat and leave him. Then go have a nice bath and scrub everything clean in your kitchen.