Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML
Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML
Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML
Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML
Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML
Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML
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Top comments
DrAwesome 6
"Ma'am, please tell your husband to get off of the ground and change himself. We need to continue this investigation."
PurplePigeon 0
I'm pretty sure once the cops get there and see a poo covered, crumby fat guy sleeping on your floor...they won't be able to deny it. :/ that would scare me immensely to come home to something like that.
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Comments (53)
ROFLFail 0
for some reason this reminds me of someone that broke into a house and the lady livin there offered him cookies.....
yanna227 0
Wow! that's a combination of gross and funny! never seen an obese homeless person....that is the pure definition of a stupid criminal
arngmudpuppy13 0
Thats awesome! I'd find a stick and poke him...while on the phone with the cops and something I can use as a weapon if the fat man tried to eat me, haha.
jdog15963 0
haha funny fat guy fall down ...
angel55033 12
him passed out there on the floor the cops don't believe you??
xNephilim 19
I'm guessing they didn't believe you because you launched into a full-on description of the guy... Honestly, would you believe it if you hadn't seen it? "Oh, dear, Mr. Police Officer, I have a morbidly obese man lying in my pantry with muesli bar wrappers all around him and he's passed out!" Makes a lot of sense that the cop didn't believe you. A simple "Someone broke into my house" would've done the job.
rofl_mcdonald 0
shure he wasnt your dad?
MisterMuffinz 13
fake
ciitrus 0
WTF do you want the cops to do? replace the food he ate? wake him, tell him to get out, go buy more food and clean the mess.
FajitaFreak 3
If a guy breaks into your home and only takes food, obviously calling the cops is not the best way to help him. Getting him a felony on his record will only ensure he goes hungry for the rest of his life. Sometimes I don't understand people. The world isn't black and white. Anyone so desperate for food as to break into a home obviously should get some help, not go to jail.
Dilwann 27
He ate EVERYTHING, and not only that, he didn't even bother to leave. Or take a shower, for that fact. Sure, you can be hungry, but breaking in is in no way a good thing to do.
DoomedGemini 38
Hey, in jail he'd be fed.