Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML
Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML
Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML
Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML
Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML
Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML
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Top comments
DrAwesome 6
"Ma'am, please tell your husband to get off of the ground and change himself. We need to continue this investigation."
PurplePigeon 0
I'm pretty sure once the cops get there and see a poo covered, crumby fat guy sleeping on your floor...they won't be able to deny it. :/ that would scare me immensely to come home to something like that.
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Comments (53)
perfect_jenny 0
poor man :( fhl for being homeless and hungry :( think how you would feel I'd you were him, having nothing.
Technocidal 0
Regardless, he shouldn't have broke into someones house!
FajitaFreak 3
That's very easy to say when you live comfortably, have a roof, lights, utilities, a place to take a nice hot shower and wash your clothes, a TV and computer for entertainment, and a full belly every night. People who say stuff like that have no ******* clue what it's like to be homeless, so stfu please.
DoomedGemini 38
Uh, no. Anyone who says he shouldn't break in has a brain and morals. Is someone living on the streets sad? Yes, but that doesn't excuse breaking into someone's house and eating everything and ******* up their house. Any sane homeless person would tell you this is wrong.
mintcar 10
Neither do I. And about the soiled shirt, he's homeless, he doesn't care.
stfuyssb 0
who said anything about a soiled shirt???
allmidnighteyes 11
soiled shirt? does he have ******** dick nipples?
stfuyssb 0
lols
mintcar 10
When I read " souiled himself" I immediately interpreted it as a soiled shirt due to the mess he made from eating. Eh, it's almost 4 and I'm tired.
stfuyssb 0
soiled. being tired is no reason for misspelling a word. lol jk
mintcar 10
Soiled** It's clearly time for bed.
mintcar 10
Ah, you beat me to it. Lol.
rencegoh 0
you should just beat the shit out of him.
disco2466 8
"like"
knibbsy 4
Personally, I'd beat the shit back into him.
SleepingSkulls 0
^ This
77taylah33 0
I feel sorry for the homless guy yer it was wrong but I think you have the better half of the bargin....... you have a house/appartment, a life cause you were out, and heaps of food. he has nothing, sleeping on the street, starving for food, nothing!
stfuyssb 0
agreed.
odexy 12
Clearly the man had plenty of food if he became obese! It still doesn't make it suck any less that he robbed OP. Homeless people have plenty of options to try to get on their feet, which typically includes at least one free meal a day. Besides, if the man is as fat as OP says, then he can definitely live a few days without food.
stfuyssb 0
if you have a low metabolism then you can get fat from not eating a lot of food. so no you are wrong
SleepingSkulls 0
He clearly had food if he was obese.
SleepingSkulls 0
True, but then he probably had food regardless. Not scraps or leftovers, either.
Zebedeee 3
A low metabolism would still mean he could go longer without food.
FajitaFreak 3
Yes, he had food before, but if he became overweight it takes time to lose it. He could of been starving eating less than 1,000 calories a day for months, and even then only lose 10-15 lbs at most. Plus muscle mass too, as when you starve your body goes into a protective stance and gets rid of muscle too. The human body is silly like that. It doesn't want muscle, it wants fat.
DoomedGemini 38
We don't know how well off op is at all. I have a home and we still struggle sometimes to make ends meet and have food. If this happened to us it'd screw us over completely.
MissBri911 0
:/ that sucks soooooo much.
funzcpl 0
bullshit. bullshit. bullshit!!!
sinnedrebel 0
great I have been looking for my dad, will be there shortly to collect him and bring you new box of muesli bars
jezebel1979 3
funny!!!
XxMoonGirlAshomi 0
sad. but I hav to admit it is really funny!! X3
iheartglasses 0
They dont believe you because there aren't obvious signs of a break in. YDI for leaving your door unlocked lol
rommie_fml 0
policemen hate you.