Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML
Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML
Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML
Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML
Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML
Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML
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Top comments
DrAwesome 6
"Ma'am, please tell your husband to get off of the ground and change himself. We need to continue this investigation."
PurplePigeon 0
I'm pretty sure once the cops get there and see a poo covered, crumby fat guy sleeping on your floor...they won't be able to deny it. :/ that would scare me immensely to come home to something like that.
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Comments (53)
fineteaa 0
damn. that's funny :P
odd_one23 4
how is a homeless man obese
babe7260 30
Typical cops
seacadet 18
So kick the bastards ass yourself.
mkcherry 14
I would have ran out of the house if i found a man passed out in my kitchen. The fact that he was obese and soiled himself before passing out does make it sound comical but I still would have ran considering it was a strange man that had broken into your home, anything could have happened when he woke up. There is a strong possibility he was strung out on drugs and you do not want to confront someone in that state of mind, first thing when they wake up and try explaining anything to them.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
SNORLAX
red61977 9
Being homeless is no excuse to commit crimes.
BauerMegan 31
'You' were broken into? Surely you meant 'my home'.
mkcherry 14
I don't give a shit about anyone's hard luck story if you break in my house and I'm home my dog will probably maul you, or you'll get shot. If I'm not there, the dog still is. There are restaraunts and grocery stores putting out still edible food everyday, just wait near the backdoor. Don't steal.
rachilio 26
Whether they believe you or not they're legally obligated to come