Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML
Today, I left my apartment window open for some fresh air. When I returned, my idiot cat was on the balcony staring at me... from my neighbor’s apartment. FML
Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML
Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML
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Top comments
rg350dx 29
You should buy one of those attack dog suits the police use to train their dogs. You'd be invincible! Or a giant scratching post..
chris274 8
Your cat's just protecting you, and itself from cat burglars.
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Comments (130)
BeccaHugs 17
Maybe you need to put a pet gate at the front door to keep the cat away from the entrance. It sounds ridiculous but it beats being afraid to walk into your own house.
KiddoKS 19
I don't know about you, but any cats I've known can jump over those gates no problem... and dogs just push them out of the way
gracehi 33
You think a pet gate will keep a cat away from anything? Aaaaaaw. You're so cute.
BeccaHugs 17
Apparently I'm being naive, (and I've never owned a cat so I really wouldn't know), but I still think it's worth a shot because it sure as hell beats being attacked every time you open your front door.
queerdragon 20
Yeah, it would not work. The cat would be over that in two seconds.
Sputnikspak 13
Yeah, we have pet gates around the house to keep the dog away from things (like the litter box), and my cat's 16 and it still doesn't even slow him down. Put him in a bedroom with his litter box and food when you go out. We do this is if there's a reason the door has to be open for a while and the cat would escape (like deliveries or renovations).
Melix 31
At least you don't have to worry about cat burglars, am I right?
Bano360 25
We all know who's the pussy in that house.
dutch_girl13 20
Crazy cat you got there. It can't even identify its owner. Sorry OP. I'd hate having to do that.
rg350dx 29
Cats don't have owners, silly! They have servants.
strawberrywine22 30
I think there's a show on TV, Carts from Hell our something, that deals with things like that. Maybe you could contact them for help?
Welshite 40
Yeah, carts are horrible. They always complain that I'm not using a bucket, so they attack as soon as they see me. I don't like getting rammed and run over repeatedly.
Mauskau 36
My cart is driving me nuts. It has a dodgy wheel and always gets in my way when I'm trying to get through doors. I have to enter my house through the garage because my cart is such a menace.
EverdreamOfMe 24
I'm having trouble with my cart. Every time I try to get inside there's a demon inside. I know it's from Hell so I shouldn't be surprised but shouldn't the praying to 30 saints and the holy water I shoot through my hose get rid of it?
queerdragon 20
I hate my cart. Every time I try to take it to the grocery store, my food goes rotten. I put my nephew in the child seat and he is now a fully grown serial killer. I just don't know what to do about my hell cart.
KiddoKS 19
So when a burglar does break in through the window, your cat will think it's completely normal. You could get another pet to stand guard, but then I guess you wouldn't be able to get in... Yea, you're screwed!
angelitared 27
TLC...my cat from hell!! Watch it!
Enslaved 38
I love Jackson Galaxy! I've watched that "My Cat from Hell" show, learnt quite a bit and corrected a few of my own cat's craziness. (:
LilFlutter 10
Isn't it on Animal Planet?
CeeCee_fml 16
I will never understand people who let pets run their lives like this. Get a cheap water gun/spray bottle and sort it out.
gracehi 33
No, I don't mistake you for a burglar. I know exactly who you are when you come home. I just hate you.
jhs578650 9
There is no such thing as quietly sneaking around a cat. If it was awake it probably heard you before you even got near the window.