Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML
Today, I left my apartment window open for some fresh air. When I returned, my idiot cat was on the balcony staring at me... from my neighbor’s apartment. FML
Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML
Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML
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Top comments
rg350dx 29
You should buy one of those attack dog suits the police use to train their dogs. You'd be invincible! Or a giant scratching post..
chris274 8
Your cat's just protecting you, and itself from cat burglars.
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Comments (130)
Badluckbobby 12
Your cat is a thug.
emeralddragon 1
Apparently the cat wears the pants in that household.
exlexx 12
cool cat :-)
meridius4510 4
You need to grow a set, op
pmacxx 5
Get it declawed or get rid of it. You're making it think its okay to do this.
nyxiny 22
Um, because obviously chopping its "fingers" off at the first knuckle or getting rid of it are the only solutions. #120. Seriously? 1. Hiss at it incredibly loudly when it misbehaves/attacks. 2. Keep a squirt bottle by the entrance, and spray it while hissing, if just #1 doesn't work 3. Try getting a pheromone diffuser or something if he's just super uptight, to clam him down. 4. Explore many different options to see if something else can be done. 5. Call your vet and see if something else can be done.
hordriss 14
I'd seriously consider getting rid of the psycho cat.
Omniprism 15
Squirt bottle. Every time the cat does that squirt it in the face. It will stop.
timberwolf408 7
a word of advice - PUNT. use this advice wisely. (and as often as necessary)
dj041392 9
Hate to say this but if that's the case I think it's time "cuddles" eats a bullet
Sir_Swaggington 6
Your cat is stupid.