Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML
Today, I left my apartment window open for some fresh air. When I returned, my idiot cat was on the balcony staring at me... from my neighbor’s apartment. FML
Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML
Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML
Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML
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Top comments
rg350dx 29
You should buy one of those attack dog suits the police use to train their dogs. You'd be invincible! Or a giant scratching post..
chris274 8
Your cat's just protecting you, and itself from cat burglars.
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Comments (130)
kat_a_tak 18
You totally need one of those signs that says, "This house is guarded by an attack cat".
riax 9
Finally, a cat that does something useful
Morgiepoooh9822 17
So the cat attacks people who go through the door, but not the window? Great logic little kitty.
justmeCee 16
I think YDI it Op, for not training your cat better. Most cats don't attack people, let alone their master when they walk in the door. Leave your cat with food in its dish when you go out, they tend to be way more docile and lazy when they are fed. (If you don't already do that). And stop using the window and start using the door. Show the cat who's boss. Right now, sounds like the cat is.
B0nb0N09 12
HAHAHHA someone's a dog owner
justmeCee 16
Nope! I just have 2 very well trained cats! The older one I rescued a 13 old from a friend that trained him really well, and I have a 2 yr. old cat. I was able to spend a lot of time with my cat when he was a little kitty. My cat plays fetch with foil balls, (it took a lot of hours), and all they do all day is sleep, eat, and wait for someone to turn on the sink to a drip because they prefer running water to the bowl. Their also both very friendly. Also the younger one was really mean when I got him, but I would pick him up anyways, get scratched, and hug him everyday, and hold him till he absolutely had enough. Now he is friendly and comes to me and other people. :)
fatmcfatty 13
call catwoman she'll know what to do about that
perdix 31
The easy solution: make sure you get home before dark and stay at home until the next morning. Otherwise, learn how to bitch-slap an attacking housecat. Crawling through the window brings shame to all of us **** Sapiens. You are a disgrace to our species!
ShakeDisPlace 10
So I'm guessing OP's cat is the "man of the house"
worldclassrager 41
It works right? But why would you need to sneak in? In would think they would like to have as a guest,,,
bvb123 6
Who needs a guard dog when u have a guard cat
wheresmyluck 5
Ever think of locking it up on nights you go out?