By Anonymous - 20/3/2020 03:30

Yeah, that probably wouldn't work

Today, a coworker was telling me he was lonely and needed someone special in his life. I replied, "Why don't you find yourself a girlfriend?" He looked at me weird and said, "I'm gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1348

You deserved it

451

Favorite

Capitalism kills

Social distancing gone wrong

A beautiful truck decoration

By ChinaWillOwnUs - 27/8/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2665

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2019 00:01

Spooky season has begun

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1489

You deserved it

105

Favorite

By alostr1 - 6/2/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35428

You deserved it

2479

Favorite

By trooper93 - 18/1/2010 06:36 - Canada

Today, I received a letter saying that I was accepted into university and that I qualified for a number of scholarships. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing the car I hit, after spinning out on ice, whilst driving home from said university. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26839

You deserved it

4824

Favorite

By shtzbutnogiggles - 17/5/2016 14:10 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11011

You deserved it

938

Favorite

By altocrm - 24/10/2010 04:11 - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42225

You deserved it

4214

Favorite

By bystander - 7/2/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26655

You deserved it

2873

Favorite

By rockefoe - 30/6/2010 08:04 - United States

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11777

You deserved it

33367

Favorite

By StabStab - 11/1/2015 13:03 - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38198

You deserved it

2947

Favorite

By Bibi - 23/9/2018 12:00

Today, I went to my little brother's high school to speak to his counselor about his grades. On my way to the office, the office manager threatened to write me up for ditching class and told me that high school is not like middle school, 9th grade will be different. I graduated 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3451

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By mehdi-online - 13/10/2008 08:22

Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling nervous, nevertheless, I managed to shyly ask her phone number. It’s only when I arrived back home that I realized there was a digit missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66633

You deserved it

17904

Favorite

By NoFightResponse - 24/4/2009 03:53 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48117

You deserved it

7089

Favorite

By anonymous - 24/12/2014 23:56 - United States

Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32906

You deserved it

3934

Favorite

By CarrieRedburn - 27/7/2011 08:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31388

You deserved it

2811

Favorite

By massage mama - 4/8/2019 07:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. Apparently, she told her teacher about the “special massages” mommy gives her. I’m a licensed massage therapist, and I massage my daughter with lavender to help her sleep. Now everyone thinks I’m a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1900

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 01:55 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45450

You deserved it

9262

Favorite

By atsukobo - 23/2/2012 07:59 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26487

You deserved it

3848

Favorite

By uniannonymous - 4/8/2013 08:37 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, my fiancé told me he wished he never met me and that he wished I didn't exist. Our wedding is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55015

You deserved it

5293

Favorite

By douglisk1994 - 10/2/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93954

You deserved it

20111

Favorite

By ItSucks - 1/1/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend of two months, hoping this would be our night of the first kiss. I was so excited when the ball started to drop. When it hit "0", I turned to him, hoping for a kiss, and saw him making out with another girl. He didn't even turn around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42716

You deserved it

7518

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2014 21:16 - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42952

You deserved it

3462

Favorite

By ccgundum - 1/2/2014 07:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52180

You deserved it

3979

Favorite

By ugh - 15/1/2016 16:08 - United States

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23220

You deserved it

1427

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 09:57 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30046

You deserved it

2960

Favorite

By ScaredDude - 19/5/2019 04:07

Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks

988

You deserved it

1824

Favorite

By nomorefreehugs - 27/6/2011 23:34 - United States

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26627

You deserved it

41097

Favorite

By mnavy - 28/9/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41424

You deserved it

5007

Favorite

By Dogsbody - 27/5/2019 02:30

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

217

Favorite

By markzar - 5/5/2012 07:19 - United States - Amherst

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27646

You deserved it

2289

Favorite

By messyfamily - 19/9/2010 07:31 - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31610

You deserved it

2828

Favorite

By PerfectVision - 11/9/2014 06:49 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40952

You deserved it

3231

Favorite

By MomStayOutOfTheCar - 4/8/2015 04:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26876

You deserved it

2006

Favorite

By busted - 25/9/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43733

You deserved it

3243

Favorite

By Yum - 3/12/2008 07:26 - France

Today, I realised that the steamy photos that I took with my ex a few months ago had not been erased from his father's camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27840

You deserved it

19077

Favorite

By rachaaaaeul - 6/8/2010 07:07 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30961

You deserved it

3946

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29773

You deserved it

12449

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/4/2013 13:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52544

You deserved it

6080

Favorite

By seriously - 17/12/2014 13:33 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36488

You deserved it

3567

Favorite

By baconrash - 22/2/2010 21:43 - United States

Today, I found out that the acne under my arms was worse then the severe acne on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29778

You deserved it

3666

Favorite

By fuckmee - 1/8/2017 05:00

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend a few years after I slept with his boss and got him fired. He is now a multi-millionaire investor and won't take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1533

You deserved it

20305

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7890876 - Friday 20 March 2020 5:53

"Ok, then boyfriend."

By ojoRojo | 17

#7890890 - Friday 20 March 2020 8:00

Innocent mistake. Unless he told you he was gay before, he can’t assume that you knew.

COMMENTS

By Aiden89 | 21

#7890875 - Friday 20 March 2020 5:30

How dare you assume their orientation. (Jk)

By RichardPencil | 28

#7890876 - Friday 20 March 2020 5:53

"Ok, then boyfriend."

jkjorn | 14

#7890981 - Friday 20 March 2020 15:27

And then the co-worker responds: "So, are you available?"

JasonThorn | 18

#7891729 - Monday 23 March 2020 17:41

I'd reply with, "I'm straight...just not narrow."

By ojoRojo | 17

#7890890 - Friday 20 March 2020 8:00

Innocent mistake. Unless he told you he was gay before, he can’t assume that you knew.

By faifai_fml | 21

#7891203 - Saturday 21 March 2020 15:08

Idiot.
"I'm lonely, I wish I had a significant other."
"You should go find a significant other."
"...Are you even listening to me or did a bird poop in your brain pan?"

By ashbashlove | 2

#7891356 - Sunday 22 March 2020 8:24

I’m failing to see a problem? He was telling you his preferences? Grow up