Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend....

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

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Love

White line fever

Great boyfriend

Assumptions

By I'mnotsmarttheothersarestupid - 26/1/2017 14:37 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had to reply to my boss's comments to a 50+ page document. Every second comment could be answered by, "See the sentence above/below" because apparently someone has problems with his short term memory. FML

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By Christoams - 12/1/2009 04:35 - France

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

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By PinkTornado - 17/3/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML

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By Backseatseller - 15/9/2009 05:35 - New Zealand

Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML

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By embarrassed much - 27/2/2016 03:14 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was talking to my new boss while on speakerphone. Then, my sister yelled for me, asking me to check whether she had a yeast infection or not. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2016 10:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2016 22:46 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, while at work I got a complaint from a guest. She complained that after spending 2 hours to get her hair done for a wedding, she got drenched with water from a child. I work at a WATER PARK. Thank you for calling me a pathetic asshat for no reason in front of other guests. FML

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By Lonely, I am so lonely - 12/6/2016 13:41 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2013 01:03 - United States - La Grande

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

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By nolife - 30/8/2012 01:33 - United States - Richmond

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

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By trixanne - 6/1/2015 20:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

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By PineapplePizza - 15/8/2016 07:41 - United States - Irwin

Today, I should be starting my last year of college next week. But no. My old advisor messed up my schedule so badly that there's no way I'll graduate for another year. So I'll be in school five years for a four year program because as a freshman I thought my advisor was helping me. FML

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By 4lphab3t4 - 21/11/2016 15:22

Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML

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By Lost... - 6/3/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

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By sigh - 30/8/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML

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By thepokemonkid - 27/2/2013 05:03 - United States - Avon

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

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By horriblefashionsense - 26/9/2013 15:20 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

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By _akwardsituation - 1/1/2010 06:07 - Canada

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

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By cat lady - 30/8/2014 11:56 - Norway - Egersund

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

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By effiestonem154 - 2/4/2013 21:14 - United States

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

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By KrissyBearr - 31/12/2011 01:36 - United States

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

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By unluckymiss - 24/1/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

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By Kim422 - 28/6/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

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By msassy - 19/5/2012 02:46 - United States - Lexington

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

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By oxymorons - 5/9/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, I checked the camera I set up to find out who has been stealing my prescription painkillers: my wife, my daughter or my son. Turns out they all are. FML

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By dypshyyt - 22/7/2014 23:20 - United States

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2012 15:31 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

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By again? - 15/3/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

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By stainseverywhere - 1/2/2012 07:11 - United States

Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

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By Not dying. - 21/4/2015 07:55 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

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By Clueless - 21/4/2011 23:49 - United States

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

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By oncehipjr - 3/10/2014 19:04 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2012 23:15 - United States - Providence

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

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By Jill Shanks - 1/9/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

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By fmylifechelsea - 27/4/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 12:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

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By failing - 16/10/2015 16:40 - United States - Greenbelt

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

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By Duchess - 20/1/2017 12:00

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

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Top comments

By UGADAWG34 | 0

#3360 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 14:32

she's a cunt if she leaves you for that...

By SillyAsh | 0

#8104 - Thursday 26 February 2009 23:56

I'm sure if she really wanted to be your girl, she wouldn't dump you for farting.
I fart after sex and in the mornings with my boyf. It's not a big deal.

Comments

By UGADAWG34 | 0

#3360 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 14:32

she's a cunt if she leaves you for that...

starwarsguy330 | 0

#2479207 - Sunday 8 May 2011 22:43

totally!

stef108 | 3

#3109204 - Monday 15 August 2011 0:10

Agreed

Dilwann | 27

#5282534 - Wednesday 26 December 2012 14:07

I don't get why people make such a big deal out of farting nowadays >.<

MilkyFilmz | 26

#5512651 - Wednesday 29 May 2013 23:17

I don't really understand either, I mean, EVERYONE does it.

By fuzzbutt | 0

#4232 - Friday 20 February 2009 3:26

My boyfriend and I play the doorknob / safety game all the time!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=safety+game

By SillyAsh | 0

#8104 - Thursday 26 February 2009 23:56

I'm sure if she really wanted to be your girl, she wouldn't dump you for farting.
I fart after sex and in the mornings with my boyf. It's not a big deal.

amandajlucas2015 | 2

#4259617 - Wednesday 4 April 2012 23:11

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

samir1996 | 0

#4938800 - Sunday 16 September 2012 21:23

Why do you reply to the OP by replying to one of the comments? I see people doing this all the time and I don't understand it.

robotiick7 | 23

#5797104 - Wednesday 18 December 2013 20:19

94- it's to get their comment up to near the top so it will be noticed

By laurades8 | 0

#15668 - Thursday 5 March 2009 5:19

How long have you even been going out? And not to be mean but seriously, what guy says 'tummy ache' anymore? o.o Besides that. It's no big deal. I'd think it was actually kinda cute. Your human. no getting around that. So don't worry, <3