Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got...

By Michael - 13/6/2009 10:35 - United States

Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML

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popemichael tells us more :

Michael here... I had to introduce the new girlfriend to the exwife when I picked up my kid. My exwife didn't want my son spending the weekend with me and her if she didn't meet her. They did end up sharing things about me. However they claim that if I think that's all they talked about that I'm really conceded. I think I'm more paranoid than conceded, though.

Love

Incognito browsing

Workaholic

Fuck the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 05:15 - Canada

Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2011 20:33 - Canada

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML

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By Old? - 14/1/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

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By mathgenius - 8/10/2013 19:17 - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

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By outagrand - 1/8/2009 14:08 - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

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By myl1f3isfuct - 11/7/2013 00:15 - United States

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2014 08:19 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

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By fail - 21/12/2010 09:38 - United States

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

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By Anyonymous_101 - 21/9/2019 14:02

Alexa, play "All You Need Is Hate" by The Delgados

Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML

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By woodre - 2/9/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I was emptying a bag of grass from my lawn mower when I saw pieces of what used to be a 50 dollar bill. FML

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By Christoams - 12/1/2009 04:35 - France

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

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By RetroDayDreamer - 10/9/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my parents overheard me having sex with my girlfriend. They thought it would be funny to barge in with nothing but underwear on. This has happened twice now. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2015 21:08 - United States - Woodridge

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

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By downgirl - 4/11/2015 06:02 - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML

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By fuck wannabe knowitalls - 3/6/2013 23:13 - United States

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

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By O - 4/4/2016 03:38 - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

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By avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2019 04:00

Amazon addict

Today, I found out my husband spent us into overdraft charges through compulsive online shopping. Again. FML

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By Ethan - 9/3/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

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By BetterThanChocolate - 20/4/2014 23:24 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2013 04:41 - United States - Greeley

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

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By Username - 1/7/2010 04:55 - France

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

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By RootalyTootToot - 29/6/2018 15:00

Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML

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By Going to work naked tomorrow - 11/12/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

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By lonelyhubby - 8/7/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 16:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

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By ThoroughlyCreepedOut - 7/3/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

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By crazy cat lady - 3/11/2016 19:31 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

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By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2011 16:23 - United States

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

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By UnluckyEMT - 27/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone I've been crushing on admitted they're attracted to me too. We hooked up, but now she says we can't date because she is already dating someone. I feel terrible for them, and now know she isn't the kinda person I thought she was ... FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 16:33 - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2015 01:48 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was bored of doing nothing so I decided to take my 4-year-old brother and 3 of our dogs to a school playground nearby. When we got there, one of the four of them pooped in the field. It wasn't one of the dogs. FML

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By bxjxj - 22/12/2014 18:40 - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 06:00 - United States - New Rochelle

Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML

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By noeducation - 27/8/2009 09:16 - Canada

Today, I found out why my parents have been trying to convince me not to go to college this year. I also found out where the $20,000 they just spent on landscaping came from. My college fund. Which is now $0. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 08:00

No thanks, mom

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2013 06:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

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By broke - 5/5/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

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Top comments

By popemichael | 7

#302079 - Saturday 13 June 2009 23:37

Michael here...

I had to introduce the new girlfriend to the exwife when I picked up my kid. My exwife didn't want my son spending the weekend with me and her if she didn't meet her.

They did end up sharing things about me. However they claim that if I think that's all they talked about that I'm really conceded.

I think I'm more paranoid than conceded, though.

By xrudeboyrock | 29

#5375533 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 5:34

conceded = conceited?

COMMENTS

By Rockyio | 0

#300833 - Saturday 13 June 2009 15:59

Wow...YDI
Did you learn nothing from your first marriage??

happyhak | 5

#987937 - Monday 3 May 2010 10:27

OP, by any chance would you happen to be Ross Geller?

Anextase | 0

#1171703 - Sunday 1 August 2010 17:30

173-Friends reference. WIN. :)

dai1227 | 0

#1183535 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:51

y did you introduce them you chode she is your EX wife

THEmuffinpan | 0

#1631220 - Sunday 31 October 2010 8:09

you are SUPER hot.

cayytee | 0

#4353956 - Wednesday 25 April 2012 17:14

well it makes sense since you like the company of both women they are probably similar.

By iBimmer | 0

#300835 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:00

YDI, dunno why, but you definitely deserve it.

first!

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#300836 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:00

There going to make sweet passionate lesbian love you better stop them!!!

Rawr100 | 0

#3007239 - Sunday 31 July 2011 8:52

or record it

By swiperluck | 0

#300839 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:01

dude... get in between. Get off the computer, this could be awesome night for you

Justforlolz | 14

#1085248 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 18:33

#4 Lol agreed! Threesome time. who doesn't want to be there?

F3n0m | 0

#1105938 - Sunday 18 July 2010 9:53

YAYUH!!! giggity giggity

By manunited93 | 0

#300852 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:03

YDI for having an ex wife.

SPC117 | 5

#5333642 - Monday 21 January 2013 19:19

You. Shut up.

Epickitty58 | 29

#6255864 - Wednesday 8 April 2015 2:58

I'm sorry, this is just a really stupid comment. Half of all people who got married in the US have an ex-wife or ex-husband. Don't act like a fucking moron on the Internet. Or in public. Or ever. People will point out your stupidity. It's what we do best. we enjoy it.

By nike1 | 0

#300853 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:04

#4, agree!

By redbluegreen | 40

#300855 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:04

Oh, they're gonna share all their dirty little secrets they have about you, make fruit smoothies, paint each other's nails, and then have passionate girl-on-girl sex. You don't want to be there for that...

maelissa1 | 0

#3800755 - Thursday 29 December 2011 0:53

Don't forget the pillow fight! ;o

By dannii_x | 0

#300863 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:06

Why did you introduce your "new" girlfriend to your ex wife so soon? YDI.

By Ocilator | 0

#300864 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:06

Dude....you NEVER intro an ex to a current...thats just retarded YDI

By zachman3334 | 0

#300869 - Saturday 13 June 2009 16:07

#2 fails.