Love: Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We... - FML

By SeeBrendenBurn - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

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Stay safe, stay home FFS!

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 17:00

Asking for it

Today, my crush and I were talking about hypothetical situations. I told her, "I love you hypothetically." She said, "I love me too." I even got rejected hypothetically. FML

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By ohgosh... - United States - Fenton

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2020 02:01

The age-old story

Today, the girl I’ve been crushing over for so long told me that I’m a great guy and a catch, but then went on to tell me all about the other guy she’s been sleeping with. FML.

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By ssssssssuck a dick, boss - United States - Kalispell

I can't help it!

Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Quitman

Today, my phone ran out of space, so I downloaded an app to store all my photos online. After everything transferred, I deleted the 1,000+ photos from my phone, along with the "recently deleted" file since it was also taking up space. The app is now empty of all "downloaded photos". FML

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By You're NOT getting lucky today hun - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

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By fittingroompotty - United States

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

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By Melinda - United States

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

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By Lifeless - United States

Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Paso

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2021 11:01

Intrusive thoughts

Today, in a seminar held by my country's government and the UN, I suddenly realized how stupid the reason for my recent breakup was. So, I ran out of the hall under the stares of over a hundred people and started bawling my eyes out. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML

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By mushroommouth - United States

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

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By rightinthekarma - Australia - Newcastle

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a car on the side on the highway with a popped tire. The driver didn't have a spare, so I nicely gave them mine. One hour later my tire popped. FML

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By Pavlov Dog

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

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By nearly a crazy lady - United Kingdom

Today, my OCD manager sprayed my hands with chemicals because I touched the bin while throwing away a piece of paper. My hands are now covered in itchy, unattractive rashes. FML

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By jai90 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

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By good husband - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

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By sassy_girl144 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

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By maggie - United States

Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn't get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

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By lonelyloser - Australia - Perth

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

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By bookbroke - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

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By NoColor - United States - San Francisco

Today, my little sister decided to color-in my favorite black-and-white comic book. It was worth over $200. When I told my mother, she said, "Oh that old thing? I thought it was a stupid coloring book you were too stupid to color." FML

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By twinkletoes - United States

Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML

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By Little Miss Fucket - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

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By el_Jeffe_D - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, as I was walking up to a urinal I heard a small hiss. I looked up just in time to get an eye full of chemicals from the automatic air freshener. I rinsed my eye out and went back to the urinal. It happened again. FML

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By Jimii Liu - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

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By no spare - United States - Marquette

Today, I woke up to find out that the two front tires on our van were flat. Now we won't have a vehicle all week since the tire shop is booked solid. We just went through this with the rear tires two weeks ago. FML

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By gonnafail - United States - York

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

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By Peach - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

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By mrrichkid - United States

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

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By M - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to the key cutter for the second time because apartment key I gave to my boyfriend didn't work. The man cut me another key and apologised profusely. When I got home and tried the key, it didn't work. I realised I'd asked him to copy the wrong key. Twice. FML

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By Electronotfriend - Poland

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

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By dieders - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I thought she wasn't being serious when she said her mum wanted me to pay to stay the night at her house for the first time. FML

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By onwardsandupwards

Need help

Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML

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By datingamoron - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

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Top comments

By blastvortex | 3

#682225 - Saturday 21 November 2009 21:00

And just what did you think she was going to do with your phone? If she wasn't doing something weird with your phone, she would probably just be stealing it. YDI for handing her your phone. It isn't like it's the end of the world either. She's but one fish in a big pond. Try again.

By Veritas143 | 0

#682229 - Saturday 21 November 2009 21:05

All I cared about is the first part because it reminded me of Blink-182... Everythings better when she's around, I can't wait 'til her parents go out of town..

COMMENTS

By discosoup | 0

#682174 - Saturday 21 November 2009 20:30

Sux bro.

Reply

hairt | 4

#1369862 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 12:43

:(

Reply

22cute | 17

#3245806 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 9:58

Think back to what you said/ did between when she gave you her number & when she asked for your phone. That's the key here.

Never do that again...

Reply

Starcatch77 | 20

#5573509 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 10:15

I'm just wondering why she even gave him her number in the first place, if she didn't want to she could've just said no.

By WTFsGoingOn | 0

#682201 - Saturday 21 November 2009 20:46

YDI for giving her your phone to begin with. If you exchanged cell numbers she obviously could have just used her own if she needed one. Give your phone NUMBER to hot girls, not your phone. Lesson learned.

By Starfire22 | 5

#682213 - Saturday 21 November 2009 21:28

Wow that was smooth, but she shouldn't have given it to you if she didn't want u to have it... Sorry OP, FYL!

By stoobo | 0

#682223 - Saturday 21 November 2009 21:52

I feel sorry for you but thats a good one

Reply

Gfrigo | 1

#1374189 - Thursday 9 September 2010 3:25

I'm a huge Blink182 fan. this totally reminds me of their song girl at the rock show.

By blastvortex | 3

#682225 - Saturday 21 November 2009 21:00

And just what did you think she was going to do with your phone? If she wasn't doing something weird with your phone, she would probably just be stealing it. YDI for handing her your phone. It isn't like it's the end of the world either. She's but one fish in a big pond. Try again.

By Veritas143 | 0

#682229 - Saturday 21 November 2009 21:05

All I cared about is the first part because it reminded me of Blink-182... Everythings better when she's around, I can't wait 'til her parents go out of town..

Reply

calibabe0321 | 6

#4994644 - Tuesday 2 October 2012 6:46

Omg I thought I was the only one

By lostfaithinpppl | 19

#682235 - Saturday 21 November 2009 22:16

OP, obviously it wouldn't have worked out anyway. Forget about her and move on. She's not worth the time you spent typing this fml.

By Noire_ | 0

#682242 - Saturday 21 November 2009 21:15

Lol, ouches.

By fmlloverrct | 0

#682264 - Saturday 21 November 2009 21:54

ohh that sucks

By thegate | 0

#682277 - Saturday 21 November 2009 22:04

you fell in love with the girl at the rock show
she said what and you told her that you didn't know
she's so cool, gonna sneak in through her window

oh, except you can't bc you got owned. HAHA.