Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
You'll find this hilarious one day... That day is not today.
unsun 13
Should have accepted it with pride
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Comments (63)
cats54321 19
Hahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahha
Coach11 9
She didn't lie. She is evidence.....
oobergoober89 16
Why give you dirty looks or act surprised? How do they think the child got there, by not tickling mommys bum bum?
cireofmi 9
What kind of sticks in the mud family did you marry into. You are married to the woman, you are supposed to be doing more than just tickle her bum.
lizzym707 12
Maybe you should've been quieter...
Le_ponderer 14
The way I see it, your daughter's statement is positive reinforcement that you love your wife and keep things fun. She has got good role models to show her what a healthy, loving marriage looks like. That is what matters. Good job OP!
GamingNerd3448 9
Well what do you expect? You guys are married with a kid, it shouldn't be surprising that you guys do things that pleases your sexual desires.
allforfun 23
You're married, that means you're having sex. If they can't accept that they need to get a life
Jryan952015 7
And As a punishment you have to let her parents to you to there submissive room and do whatever they want to you
843dude 5
Wait,,, how does the kid know about tickling bum bums???? How about close the door and avoid awkward situations....