Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
You'll find this hilarious one day... That day is not today.
unsun 13
Should have accepted it with pride
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Comments (63)
GrumpyGrinch 23
Her family hoped that you married her just to have somebody in the kitchen making sandwiches.
ThrottleJockey 36
Sounds like they have a stick up their bum bums.
forabrighter 12
"Your wife" "your daughter" her family knows your married and have a child together to you believe they think you all have not had sex?
ladysway 6
I would of said he'll yeah I do. ..do they not expect you not to what the shit is that?
nournahas 18
Relationship goals!!
Big_Bear99 19
I hope your wife developed a sense of humor as it is clear her parents don't. You will be alright OP. They will forget this and be mad at you for something else. maybe for not having more grandkids for them...
saffy66 34
Them your wife's family members need to develop a sense of humour and should be thankful it's mummy's bum bum you're tickling and not someone else's. Maybe they think you've been having sex play in front of the child, in which case their concern is warranted. But try not to dwell on it. Kids say the damnedest things...
Jryan952015 7
Kids are the best!!! Wish I was there so I could have seen everyone's reaction.
worldclassrager 41
How does she know that? You are married so it's acceptable
davek 36
He does more than tickle it!