Love: Today, under the Northern Lights of the Arctic Circle, I presented... - FML

By PasFiancé - 09/10/2015 08:15 - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, under the Northern Lights of the Arctic Circle, I presented my girlfriend with an engagement ring and asked her if she would become my wife. She said, "I can’t, I have mittens." FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 83

Compromises

And today, on Dr Phil…

The smell detective is on the case

By insanitycalling - 26/10/2011 06:36 - Canada

Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 375

You deserved it 3 464

By Not Supportive - 19/05/2019 16:06

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous so I, not thinking, made comments that included the words killing, dying and death. I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 539

By notpregnant - 17/01/2010 12:20 - Italy

Today, I woke up with a pillow under my t-shirt. Turns out my boyfriend wanted to 'see if I would look hot even when pregnant'. We've been dating for three weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 179

You deserved it 5 197

Relatable reasoning

By Jake - 10/03/2021 23:00

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 214

By jesus fuck - 19/12/2018 13:30

Today, I got my 1 year old daughter vaccinated. My wife tried to leave me because she's "never felt more betrayed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 004

You deserved it 492

It's a learned behavior

By laurilove7 - 27/04/2021 20:01

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 1 219

Not the best reaction

By Mark - 31/08/2021 15:01

Today, I came out as gay to my dad on Whatsapp. The only thing he replied was, "I'll ever talk to you again when you stop being a pussy." He then blocked me from everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 187

By indefiniteforest - 10/09/2016 04:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 828

You deserved it 1 104

By MaryJane - 07/08/2019 02:00

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because she wanted to start afresh in college and have pretty friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 070

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 00:49 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 387

You deserved it 21 311

By darthinvader - 16/07/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 977

You deserved it 27 611

By Klepto - 15/11/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 282

You deserved it 73 076

By nixwolfwood - 19/12/2016 21:14

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 421

You deserved it 512

By Malpal - 23/01/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 521

You deserved it 29 536

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 01:57 - United States

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 571

You deserved it 36 282

By BlueMacaw - 16/09/2015 06:53 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 926

You deserved it 4 503

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 10 037

By GumStickExtraGmail - 14/09/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 654

You deserved it 595

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 224

You deserved it 340

By chinousmc - 06/12/2012 11:30 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 783

You deserved it 3 395

By NotASportsGuy - 06/09/2015 12:46 - United States - Long Island City

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 565

You deserved it 2 750

By keenan - 19/09/2010 23:55 - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 962

You deserved it 5 179

By buttpain - 11/01/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 963

You deserved it 1 025

By Midge - 16/03/2010 23:03 - United States

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 165

You deserved it 44 017

By A bit cowardly? - 19/05/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked his friend to propose to me for him, because he was too nervous to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 233

Goodbye, 7 years of sobriety...

By Mash-brakketz - 25/10/2017 22:26

Today a gasoline canister leaked in our work garage and filled my office with fumes. It got me high and nauseous even though I went out for air constantly. I had a meltdown and was sent home. I'm still high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 261

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 5 337

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 07:59

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 1 629

Come on 2021

By Jaclyn Hoffman - 27/12/2020 23:01

Today, I realized how much 2020 has been an FML. We dealt with lockdown, stressful home renovations, losing a job due to health issues, and giant vet bills when we're already in debt up to our eyeballs. This has been a great start to our first year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 90

By waltzy777 - 26/04/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 587

You deserved it 82 922

By moe472 - 24/01/2012 02:47 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 785

You deserved it 2 477

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 150

You deserved it 2 550

By streaker? - 27/11/2015 14:21 - Germany - Langenhagen

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 154

You deserved it 2 013

Gross

By gotanewmouse - 26/09/2011 10:37 - New Zealand

Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 914

You deserved it 6 779

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 15:34 - United States - Waterville

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 480

You deserved it 4 480

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 5 194

By PandaSuicide - 01/07/2019 06:29

Today, I jokingly told my die-hard Laker fan dad that I converted to become a Celtics fan. He responded, "Get out of my car." I'm currently sitting on a sidewalk, trying to convince him it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 461

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 750

You deserved it 24 933

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 21:13 - France

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 536

You deserved it 42 679

By Pissed - 05/10/2011 15:29 - Australia

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 669

You deserved it 8 362

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Monday 21 November 2016 11:54

On the one hand, this is a pretty good joke. On the other hand, this is here, so it might not be a joke, or perhaps a joking way to refuse. On the third hand, a lot of FML posts are about the OP not getting that there is a joke to get. On the fourth hand, the OP might have understood the joke, they laughed together, and now they are engaged, but the OP decided to cut the story short so that it can be posted on FML. On the fifth hand, this could be fake. On the sixth hand, I killed only 2 people and ran out of hands.

Lalala579121 27

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Monday 21 November 2016 11:43

I would say "marry her" but I guess it's a bit late for that. Assuming it was a joke instead of her just making something up to say no. But did you try taking the mittens off and asking again?

Comments

Lalala579121 27

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Monday 21 November 2016 11:43

I would say "marry her" but I guess it's a bit late for that. Assuming it was a joke instead of her just making something up to say no. But did you try taking the mittens off and asking again?

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 14:10

They're in the arctic. I wouldn't take her mittens off...

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Monday 21 November 2016 11:50

That's hilarious though. You should try again in the hot springs!

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Monday 21 November 2016 11:54

On the one hand, this is a pretty good joke. On the other hand, this is here, so it might not be a joke, or perhaps a joking way to refuse. On the third hand, a lot of FML posts are about the OP not getting that there is a joke to get. On the fourth hand, the OP might have understood the joke, they laughed together, and now they are engaged, but the OP decided to cut the story short so that it can be posted on FML. On the fifth hand, this could be fake. On the sixth hand, I killed only 2 people and ran out of hands.

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Monday 21 November 2016 12:23

then the real mystery is where did you get the fifth hand?

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Monday 21 November 2016 12:52

Dang that's a lot of hands

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Monday 21 November 2016 13:49

He got the fifth and sixth hands from his second victim. The first two hands were his own, and the third and fourth belonged to his first victim.

species4872 19

Monday 21 November 2016 14:19

You sound pretty handy yourself.

RememberSchlitz 9

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Tuesday 22 November 2016 16:25

And on the 7th and 8th hands: mittens.

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Tuesday 22 November 2016 17:31

On the one hand, you have a mitten. On the other hand...

Jay18 22

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Wednesday 23 November 2016 5:37

it's comments like these that come in handy sometimes

LatterDaySaint 12

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Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:11

John by the way?

rhiannonleesarah 14

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Monday 21 November 2016 12:00

well you gotta give her credit, its pretty cold out and she may not want to expose herself to the cold, not sure how she said it though, good luck reproposing in a warm environment

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 21 November 2016 13:22

You mean she's already married to her cat?

Regimental_Phan 18

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Monday 21 November 2016 20:14

i like your reference there

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Tuesday 22 November 2016 21:11

I had to read that a couple of times to get that

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Thursday 24 November 2016 10:24

That was my first thought

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Monday 21 November 2016 17:10

strange, you'd think she would have said yes, you know. due to the implication

Llyev 10

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Monday 21 November 2016 21:40

Hit rewind and buy her a very nice necklace to loop the ring onto and ask her again, necklaces aint got nothing to do with being on your fingers and she can still accept the ring xD In all seriousness tho she was kidding about the mitten comment right? or maybe she was just so cold she was too out of it to realize what she was saying.. OR pessimistically maybe she was just using that as a lame way of letting you down without actually saying "no".

jedimaster300 13

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Monday 21 November 2016 22:56

Hope it was a joke

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Monday 21 November 2016 23:00

She's not wrong.

torrea 19

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Tuesday 22 November 2016 4:41

Wow,how your never dying in the cold and need her help. If she had to get cold to save you, you're dead.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 121

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 295