Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
You'll find this hilarious one day... That day is not today.
unsun 13
Should have accepted it with pride
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Comments (63)
aprilnb1 18
Wait you're married and you have sex? You should be ashamed of yourself. Honestly, they're probably jealous because their BUM BUM isn't being tickled. Keep ya "head" up OP.
Stillalex_fml 7
next time make sure she couldn't see
born_hustla 26
That family lacks a sense of humor.
mneill 6
"Daddy tickles Mommy's bum bum" Well, how exactly do they think you got to be Daddy and Mommy?
writerchic85 26
Your wife's family are prudes. Obviously they know you have sex with her because you have a child. And children say inappropriate things which is normal. I'd be more concerned if she blurted that you smack her around or something. Tell them to lighten up.
The_Basileus 9
They should have just laughed. I would have.
carolinew 10
What? Does your wife's family not expect you to be having sexual relations with her? How do they think your daughter got there?
SK8WITME 19
I bet all those people who stared at you also tickle their partners bum bum but yeah, no one wants to miss an opportunity to embarrass someone.
juicy_extasy 25
Age of innocence!
snarkytruth 37
That's what kids excel at doing. It's also why there is a whole category just for children here in the FML universe. In time this will be a cherished memory for the whole family. Well maybe not for the father in law ha ha.