Seriously. This is not an FML. At least he asked you before he did anything. If he had had an affair and then asked you, then this would be an FML, but I'm pretty sure it's normal for all guys and girls, even if they're married, to have feelings for another person.

How do you know he hasn't already had sex with her? And besides, the whole point of a relationship is to be faithful. You can be attracted to another person, but I'm sure most men have evolved enough to resist the urge to screw anything in a skirt.

I'm pretty sure if he had already had sex with her, he wouldn't have mentioned anything to his wife, much less ask for PERMISSION to do it.

it's an FML for the fact that he's even considering having sex with his secretary. OP, get a divorce. then he can do whatever the hell he wants with that secretary

I know. At least he's being considerate. LOL

The very best part is that the comments seem to be split 50/50 on whether this is really a good or bad thing.

I cannot see anything wrong with it. Why not try a threesome? More action, and the husband would be pleased. Why have a disgruntled husband, and go through the pains of breakup/divorce over a finicky crush. You could, if you were desperate, get him to sign some kind of document, that, if in the act of a breakup following the permission-giving of you for him to be a *****-bag, he is to forfeit rights to the house, and/or children. Why not? the risk of sleazing.

coldhands, I can't believe there are really no YDI's here. YDI for not keeping him satisfied at home. YDI for having too many "headaches" and not being in the mood enough. YDI for not staying hot after your roped in this guy who still can attract hot women. You must have been hot at one point or he wouldn't have married you. What the **** happened? As couples age, sometimes their sex drives fall off at different rates. Women who are into it less may be willing to let their man fool around if it takes the pressure off of them.

This is totally a fml! Even though he asked he was highly considering having sex with another lady, thus saying she isn't good enough for him, and he doesn't care about their marriage because he would rather bang the secretary. OP: Since he asked to have sex with the secretary, ask him if you can have a divorce! problem solved.

Technically, it IS an FML if it is posted on fmylife.com...

He isn't necessarily dissatisfied with his wife. He just has an interest in another person. He considers his marriage to be more important than that, but he thought he might be able to honor both parts. I think fairness is an issue here: if the husband is willing to let the wife have an affair with another man, he is not being an asshole. Otherwise, he is. But he's being less of an asshole than if he were just adultering without permission. He didn't approach the topic in a diplomatic way, though, I'm sure. Had he been sufficiently subtle, he likely would have found her opinion without asking her straight out.

dhasenan, That's not exactly fair. If the husband tells the wife he'll have sex with her anytime she wants no matter what, but she only wants to do it when SHE is in the mood, it seems fair that he would have the right to get some elsewhere but she wouldn't.

I'm thinking of a word right now, Plexico. What is it? It's on the tip of my tongue... I know it rhymes with "Dancer nation." It starts with an M... Oh well, I guess we'll never know will we?

Way to yell at someone using ONLY assumptions. She could be incredibly hot, make love to him every night and try lots of different ways, and keep him satisfired, and he's just a greedy jerk.

One way to combat assumptions is NOT to propose an outlandishly ridiculous scenario. What you say is only remotely possible, but highly unlikely. I go so far as to say that I'll eat my hat if you can find one case of suck a greedy jerk, but give me a chance to come back with a thousand cases of people who strayed because their spouses don't meet your fantasy standards.

What is it with the world and divorce..... i lived through my parents divorce, it was caused by my mum's complete lack of interest in my dad and her arogant refusal to compromise on anything. It seems to me that a situation like that or similar is possible here. Rather than telling her to divorce perhaps tell them they need to discuss the motivating factors behind this desier or perhaps it is just something he said to make a point. You don't know anything of his side of this story so don't go telling her to divorce.

Snowieflake, TheDoge, LaceyPatrickson, LOKIM8 and plexico, you are all amazing. If a woman wants to have sex, she can go to her man and he'll be on her (or under, if you prefer girl on top) in a moment. If a man wants to have sex, and his wife doesn't, then he's out of luck, or worse, accused of rape. If OP isn't A) As sexually appealing as she once was, then that's something that needs to be discussed, because something can always be done to reignite the passion B) Interested in (or much worse - withholding) sex, then it's not fair to him that he never gets to have sex just because she doesn't want to. Also this is often an indication that she is having an affair. Personally, I think a 3-some would be best - you can learn a lot about your partner's and your own sexualities that way.

He was probably saying this to reach out to you to say that you aren't satisfying his needs, but didn't want to belittle you, and did a common guy thing... the wrong thing

I agree with #1. at least he asked

sooo true LMFAO though!!!

************ Ketz. definitely the word

how thoughtful of him xD baha

I agree. he could have just not asked, and now you're aware and suspicious, and can say no. or yes. but probably no.

Well, it was better than him just going ahead and having an affair, AND not telling you!

Divorce isn't that plain and simple.

Counseling may be good, but a good ol' fashion married woman doesn't deserve a question like that.

Another one, out of the park.

Good way or bad way? :S

domestic abuse isn't a joke you stupid ****

Yes, because having an affair is an expression of the deepest care.

well, he asked her if he could do it or not! im just being sarcastic

No, asking is an expression of his dissatisfaction. For all you know he never intended to bang the secutary, maybe he is making a point about their relationship. Or perhaps he desperatly desires something he doesn't get at home...... Yes he could just be a prick, don't assume tho.