Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
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Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
You'll find this hilarious one day... That day is not today.
unsun 13
Should have accepted it with pride
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Comments (63)
thatsme293 28
Like your father in law hasn't touched his wife's ass. Seriously, growing up is a thing that happens to children.
exoticwaved 9
Hmmm. I wonder what else the daughter has seen or heard.
ouijacorn 9
If the family of the woman to whom you are married and with whom you have a child are surprised that you've grabbed/pinched/tickled your own wife's ass, maybe you're not the one with a problem.
ThreeSheets 14
#54 is right- patting your wife on the butt when she bends over or is setting the table and she giggles may have been what she saw. Nothing sexual. Kids don't know- they have seen worse on TV.
ThatLoneIyGuy 8
Should have did a Neil Patrick Harris
Kendrah18 19
I'm just concerned with the fact that the child knows this information? :/
bilbo_watson 7
When it comes from a child, it sounds a lot more dramatic. He could've pinched his wife's ass in the kitchen when the kid was out of the room, and the kid might've caught a glance from the hallway or the living room. Any other number of things of that nature could have happened. I'm sure that parents don't do that in front of their children until they're mature enough to understand that it's a playful expression of appreciation and love. Teenagers might think it's gross or avert their eyes, but it's also what they use as a basis for what happens in a loving relationship later on.
Ilovelife93 9
Dude!!!!!! Who gives a damn what your in-laws think??? It's a free country!
stvn97 11
You two are married, you can tickle whatever you want and no one can give you any look.
PunkPrincess_fml 11
How old is your daughter?
WildChildRocker 11
Infinitely better than, "Daddy slaps mommy in the face."
adiosselfasteem 9
Kids say the darnedest things sometimes