Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my 20 year-old self, who works shift work, learned by accident that my 14 year-old brother has been using my toothbrush for the past 6+ months. I wouldn't have known due to my schedule until just now when I found it was wet. He admitted it, but was upset with me for using HIS toothbrush. It has my name on it. FML
Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML
Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML
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Top comments
ImTheAlpha 30
Sometimes I'm glad I don't have siblings.
Rainhawk94 27
Quiet you loofah
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Comments (83)
jw90 18
I don't know whether to be impressed or outraged.
Kagulocke 13
Why would there be outrage? I could see "indifferent, or impressed".
jw90 18
That the grandparents didn't have a sense of humor.
jrock9093 18
That will be a good laugh in the future! Look at the bright side
j_cat187 20
Anger and horror at the same time? Your parents sound gifted.
skyeyez9 25
I wish I was born an only child. My older brother is a fuckwad.
ladybug_plur 2
lol
Gho5tk3y 17
Haha kids say the darnedest things
Anikimer 4
oh my gawd that's priceless and awesome
nooneherer 5
*applause
LindsayxMoore 18
that is a great story to tell to his friends and future gfs. embarrass him. they will love it! oh and I love the name!!
civicghost 4
just be glad you don't have a young daughter. that definitely could have raised a few eyebrows if a little girl had said that.