Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband... - FML

By ew - 12/4/2016 17:53 - United States

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

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Family values

Trust

Deep-seated resentment

By sleepwalker - 14/9/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

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By Dave - 7/2/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

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By thathurt - 1/1/2012 00:51 - United States

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

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By Username - 3/8/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML

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By Matt - 27/6/2010 18:54 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

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By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/7/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

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By me - 1/5/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2019 05:45

Alone

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

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By pottie69 - 7/9/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I'm now afraid to add people on Facebook. FML

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By phillij2 - 9/7/2011 00:03 - United States

That hurts, BTW

Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML

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By Ophelia - 8/6/2016 04:05 - United States - Hudson

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

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By ConstructionLady - 13/11/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2012 17:16 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

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By nicky - 31/3/2011 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

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By numbnuts - 23/9/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2014 05:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, I met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies. Turns out he makes my annual salary in a month. FML

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By BadDad - 30/4/2017 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was summoned to the bathroom by my three-year-old, who still needs help cleaning up sometimes. When I walked in, he looked so happy and proud as he pointed to the trash can saying, "Look at my big poop!". Buying a new trash can tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 18:38 - United States - Canton

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

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By FUCKFACECUNT - 2/8/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

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By eggnoodles - 13/12/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

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By man-period? - 2/3/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

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By smellynelly - 17/5/2015 16:13 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

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By single and hatless - 28/11/2015 03:46 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my 2 year relationship ended when my boyfriend accused me of stealing his beanie hat. FML

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By Zack - 1/4/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2016 19:41 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

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By Scholar - 5/9/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

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By mystery - 7/12/2013 21:55 - United States - Minot

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

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By yayaimannoying - 9/3/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

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By msamberjade - 30/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Columbus

New movie

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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By Teen - 24/1/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 17:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

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By lamesauce - 15/2/2009 10:32 - Canada

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

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By onlyolivia - 5/10/2016 14:43 - United States - Elkridge

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my boss why the flowers I got her for her birthday the other day were in the conference room and not her office. She told me she was allergic to them and she had such a bad reaction that it made her go home early. I made my boss sick on her birthday. FML

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By girlie5445 - 13/2/2010 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2013 14:04 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found out that if you accidentally step on your boss's dog's tail, yes, you can get fired. But not because you stepped on the dog's tail. You didn't say sorry. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 23:23 - United States

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

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By Teddy Bear - 12/1/2019 16:00

Today, while working in a kids' shop, I absent-mindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then hear a deep man's voice say "I'm not a little man." FML

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Top comments

By itooamscrewed | 10

#6579237 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:04

Why would a loofah be in his way in the shower? Why would he use a loofah to clean a toilet? Why would he throw something near a trash can instead of in it? Why does he throw things out of the shower?
So many questions OP. All of them are FYLs.

By earljonez | 22

#6579215 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:44

Sounds like your husband is very aloof

COMMENTS

By sugarshugar | 11

#6579211 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:43

*incoming shitty situation puns*

Reply

BoxFullOfLazy | 25

#6579271 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 4:45

*incoming down votes*

By mh_2323 | 13

#6579213 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:44

Well that's just shitty...haha I would suggest taking another shower

By earljonez | 22

#6579215 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:44

Sounds like your husband is very aloof

Reply

negb | 30

#6579532 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 15:32

At least he cleaned the toilet!

By TonierShadow | 19

#6579218 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:49

Sounds like the start of a shitty day.

By nreed32 | 20

#6579219 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:50

Next time the toilet needs cleaning I suggest you use his toothbrush.

By Pentium_4 | 26

#6579222 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:53

if he meant to throw it away and it was only "near" the bathroom trash, then he really needs to work on actually throwing things away lol

By feven | 32

#6579223 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:53

Probably not a good idea to pull anything out of a bathroom trash anyways.

Reply

smallandroid | 26

#6579231 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:58

OP said it was near the trash, so I'd assume it was just sitting on the floor, maybe.

Reply

yerawizardlizzy | 27

#6579435 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 12:59

Okay, but still. It's been sitting on the floor for who knows how long. Why would you wash yourself with it?

By SamSwebb | 24

#6579224 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:53

Oh jesus, no no no no no nope! Time for some payback

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6579236 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:02

That'll teach him to throw gross things away!

Reply

UserError94 | 18

#6579242 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:09

Yesss! Put a little AIDS infected blood in his next syringe! That's always a killer with the gang!

Reply

BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#6579257 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:55

Dafuq? This escalated too fast for me to keep up.

Reply

acerredrum | 23

#6579289 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 5:15

He didn't throw it away though, OP said it was next to the trash. So he took something that belonged to someone else, used it to scrub the toilet and then dropped it on the floor. You can't blame OP for that not being the first conclusion she jumped to.

Reply

Tripartita | 44

#6579298 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 5:39

Fair point, #27.

Reply

Hunter_the_Ninja | 22

#6579335 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 8:36

Yes you could do that, 14 but then again, the wife would then have a chance of contracting AIDS when having sex with her husband.

By FalloutScrolls | 25

#6579227 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 2:55

I refuse to make a "shit" pun about this horribly crappy situation.

Reply

ShleeG | 23

#6579306 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 6:18

So you make a crappy pun instead?

By HoboMeth | 32

#6579234 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 3:01

Why are you taking a bath in the toilet? No but seriously, that's disgusting

Reply

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6579315 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 6:56

Er I don't think you've read the FML correctly, I kindly suggest you go read again slowly.

Reply

jadenjacksonm | 14

#6579567 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 16:20

This actually made me laugh a little. But agreed with #33