Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
This is lit
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
What? Why?
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Testing, testing
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Close but no cigar
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Smoke 'em while you can
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Smoking is bad
Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML
Top comments
TheRoyalBattler 5
That'll get you fired up!
taylor21398 14
I imagine your nose is really dry now OP.
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Comments (164)
TheRoyalBattler 5
That'll get you fired up!
incoherentrmblr 21
Talk about your blood boiling...
AninOnin 24
I don't think cauterization works for bloody noses.
kangx1 28
If only this was the case in the freezing Canada
Meettitan 14
That's a good quitting régime. Just stuff paper towels in your nose before every cigarette and you'll quit in no time.
Bcfrmkc816 17
Actually it does but it's usually done by a DR. I don't know maybe OP is one
taylor21398 14
I imagine your nose is really dry now OP.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
The pus will moisten it later, it's fine.
chutney_02 22
It's fate telling you to quit
Tezoma 28
What nose?
Link/DD 13
TP IS AGAINST SMOKING YAY!
1tsmenoah 20
Don't get hot headed
wolfstalker213 14
How could you not feel the toilet paper up your nose?
1tsmenoah 20
If it's there for too long you'll forget about it
tomwantssnow 14
I was thinking the same thing, how can someone just forget that they have toilet paper in their nose... Is that a normal thing now?
ThatFancyPenn 18
Depending on the size of the wad of toilet paper, you would eventually forget about it being there.
botanistjessica 24
It's actually psychologically wired into some animals that after a certain duration of a stimulus, your body begins to ignore it. This is the same thing as a dog getting used to its collar.
MikeonFML 17
Some people forget where their glasses are while they're wearing them.
well_hi_there 7
i do that a lot
Enslaved 36
But a tampon is not the same thing. If it's properly inserted, you shouldn't be able to feel it inside you except when it's being applied or removed. It's a good thing the OP didn't use a tampon for the nose bleed. Could have been like lighting a bomb fuse.
OctoDope 15
And your eyes can always see your nose, the brain just ignores it so we don't have to see it.
Chibitalia180 6
Whenever I get a bloody nose, I put toilet paper or a tissue in my nose (in my household, we don't keep tissue boxes around the house much, since we can just use toilet paper and save money). It's so much easier than the method that most people use, which is leaning forward and holding their nose shut, usually with a tissue. After a while, you forget it's there and I usually don't even see it much unless I look down, I only can see like a millimeter or a centimeter of it. It's kind of like how people with glasses sometimes forget they have their glasses on because they barely can see it due to how close the frame is to their eyes. I've walked into the shower many times with my glasses on before.
Bcfrmkc816 17
You get used to it after doing it for awhile.
EmDizzle2007 28
if they could see the tip of the cig to light it, and were able to catch the tissue on fire... they could see the tissue.
thatkidmal 15
Now your nose is even more dry
NoShit_Sherly 11
Ch-ch, BURN!
girlbye23 15
I gotta say YDI OP. Only because smoking is always some kind of fire hazard, you should have checked yourself first of just remembered the paper in your nose.
Maddiiee3011 13
"Smoking is some kind of fire hazard" Are you high? Just about everything we do in life is a hazard. Do you straighten your hair? Better not do that anymore, it's a burn hazard Plug your phone into charge? I don't think you should do that anymore, you might electrocute yourself Smoking is a choice as much as drinking is but no one hates the alcoholics. Stop hating on smokers
ocramavaf 15
what i was going to say
Shadowsofthedead 10
@64 I hate alcoholics, so does that mean I can hate on smokers too?
xerbrus 14
none should hate its unhealthy for both parties and doesn't get anyone anywhere...that being said I really dislike a lot of people
GuiLD15 7
#64 WOW. Over-reaction? Good Lord.
buttcramp 21
alcoholics and smokers are veeery different. alcohol decreases my ability to drive, care for my daughter, etc. smoking a cigarette does not.
protoasha 11
I'm pretty sure the main point he was going at was you use a lighter to smoke. So it's obviously a fire hazard, so you should be aware of flammable things. You don't use a fire to drink or plug anything in. As for straightening your hair, you have to be cautious with that.
Sports_guy3 28
#88- Yet smoking destroys your lungs.
girlbye23 15
Are you high? I said its SOME KIND of fire hazard when he has HIGHLY FLAMMABLE paper in his nose asshole. You do know that cigarettes go in you mouth, which is very close to you nose right?
girlbye23 15
Also where in the hell did i imply hate towards smokers?
fluffywaspluka 7
#64 Alcoholics only affect (directly) themselves, disregarding any actions they might do when drunk, whereas the smoke from cigarettes is inhaled by others.
glabberfasted 16
88 - I wouldn't be so sure. I've seen kids get taken away from their parents for cigarette smoking. A friend of mine had hers taken away because she would go outside to smoke and leave her kids with someone else watching them in the home. And that's all it took for them to take them away from her.
dachayke 16
#88, depends on what you're smoking.
gc327072 30
lolol it's 2014 and you still care about what others choose to do with their lives lolololol
DropTheDaggerxx 31
@134, lololol it's 2014 and people care about what other people do with their lives /when it affects others/, like smoking does. Ruin your lungs on your own time in your own home, don't make anyone else breathe in that nasty crap. Second-hand smoke is dangerous, especially so if you're an asthmatic or have any other condition similar.
gmian 34
88- and dying 30 years early because of smoking doesn't affect your daughter?
annihil8or 15
@64 there's a reason why people, like me, hate on smokers. Cuz every time someone around me smokes I have to breathe it in.
Maddiiee3011 13
Calm your *******. Fair enough people hate cigarettes, but hating the people smoking them is a bit uncalled for. Unless you know them personally, you can't judge them because they simply have a "disgusting habit" Obviously, I'm a smoker, as are most of my family and friends, yes it's wrong to smoke in a public place such as a bus stop or the entrance to a shopping centre which is why myself and most other smokers avoid those types of places to have a smoke. Iv met 15+ new people this weekend alone and I can honestly say that out of those people, the smokers were the nicer bunch
morghandi 21
I've not noticed that most smokers avoid entrances to places... I usually have to walk through a gauntlet of smoke every time I go into a restaurant or store since they're not allowed to smoke inside in CO anymore...
cheerbabe86 1
That's what you get for smoking!!!!
1tsmenoah 20
I have to say yes and no
kakakarotcake 17
As long as op is an adult and it's legal there is nothing wrong with smoking. unless you pressure others to do it or smoke near non smokers.
bobbyguy 17
#21 do you realize how bad smoking is!? It can cause so many problems and can kill you. Smoking is really bad and you're really stupid
neonstarr 15
So can over eating, driving, drinking etc. Maybe step down from your high horse?
sdroze1389 31
#42. smoking serves an important function, population control. I smoke and I also know it's not good for me. all thanks to the efforts of sanctimonious dicks like you. just remember to piss on my grave when you outlive me by thirty years.
junkman6 22
#11, Someone had to do it. "Smoking is bad so you deserve everything you get." Grow up, I don't even smoke and I'm sick of hearing this shit. Guess what the human mortality rate is? 100 ******* percent. You know what that means?? You are gonna die no matter how healthy you are. Who cares if you choose to enjoy some lung tar on your way out? Who cares if instead on 100 you only live to 90? Oh I know who cares!!! Meddlesome little pricks who have to try to shit in everyone else's wheaties to feel important.
sdroze1389 31
#60. right on man. the cold logic of math for the point.
buttcramp 21
preach on, #60!
GuiLD15 7
#21 Well said, man. #60 You missed the point.
Tezoma 28
I don't really like smoking. I've never tried it and don't plan to because I don't like the smell. But, if people aren't dicks about my NOT smoking, why should I bother those who do? Not many people deserve to have their nose set ablaze, especially just for being a little fotgetful.
bobbyguy 17
How do I know I'll outlive you? There is so many things that can kill you. Your comment was a little hurtful considering I said one thing and you go head and call me d*ck but ehh it's just a comment from a random person on the internet.
bobbyguy 17
#53 My above comment was meant for you
CrazyGirlfriend 21
I hate smokers who smoke around me (like my mother, even when she comes over she nags at me until I go outside with her while she smokes which makes my no smoking in the apartment kind of invalid). What you do with your life is up to you. smoke? good for you, just stay away from me while you have one lit. drink? good for you? just don't pressure it onto me (I hate the taste). drugs? same as alcohol; good for you, I want no part. buy a gun and kill everyone? sure, Ill join you there!
kenji212 8
Well atleast the burns will stop the bleeding! :P .....but now youre stuck smelling burnt skin for a while. Fyl
FalconWhitaker 20
I'd be more concerned about the stench of burning nasal hair. Ew.
kenji212 8
Hahahha funny. I was actually rtying to add that, but my time for edits ran out -_-
Pat77235 8
Mmm just like bacon
alexNY 1
That's what you get for smoking