Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML
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Top comments
TheRoyalBattler 5
That'll get you fired up!
taylor21398 14
I imagine your nose is really dry now OP.
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Comments (164)
TechFire 25
Smoking kills.
sdroze1389 31
so does living. everyone dies. you figure out a solution to that one and a religion will be made of your infallible wisdom
jeragonm 15
Moron. And all the people who say your life sucks, the only reason I could even fathom that your life might suck would be because you are a moron, you completely deserved it.
sanecatlady 13
Smoking's a terrible addiction. My father started when he was only nine back when cigarettes were supposedly "cool", and recently he's started having all kinds of breathing and health problems. He finally quit and is doing much better now. I've never smoked unless you count all the times it was second-hand from my dad and nearly everyone else as a kid.
xerbrus 14
smoking takes all those years to **** you up that bad...drinking can kill you in one night if you aren't careful and that's more socially acceptable???
triplebeerox 27
Drinking a glass of wine everyday can be healthy for you. Smoking can never be healthy for anyone; lighting up a cigarette while driving could kill you. So could falling asleep with a lit cigarette. There are many possible ways to kick the bucket.
xuneventful 12
There's a lot of ways to die overnight, even if you don't drink or smoke. And I don't think that whenever someone is talking about "drinking" they mean the occasional glass of wine that's actually healthy.
buttcramp 21
did you actually burn yourself? or did the toilet paper catch fire and you immediately got it out of your nose? if this is the case, did you burn your fingers? lol I need a follow up! I wanna know how bad the damage is.
DanielleinDC 33
This is a sign from the cosmos telling you to quit.
Vagitarian1 10
Another good reason to quit frikking smoking!
dreishot 1
your nose is on firrrrreee!!!!!!
knotcool 15
What's with the internet, and being so up in arms about smoking? Before I even came to the comments, I knew what was being said. You have all been thoroughly brainwashed into thinking smoking is any worse than knocking back a double quarter pounder with cheese,and a large fry, with enough salt to melt all the snow off my city block. There are tons of harmful substances everywhere, the coloring in soda pop is cancerous, plastic leeches into food from Teflon, noxious fumes are spewed into the air by factories, power plants, and cars every day. I'd be willing to bet smoking is not the sole factor in many health problems. I agree it does contribute to health risks, but it can't be much more than fast food, being a couch potato, or binge drinking on the weekends. This, and ALL SMOKERS KNOW THE RISKS. Please do not assume we don't, i know I speak for many when I say, I'm sick of hearing some other person tell me how my life should be lived, because I NEED to live past 80 for some reason. That is IF I die then, there have been smokers that have lived up to, and past 100 years. Anyways, carry on FML *phew*
brandoneyez1 25
I did something similar.. Smh
wanted_2_want 40
You took the expression "I'm on fire" to a whole new level!!