Work: Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 342

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 126

11/07/2011 01:13

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 770

You deserved it 2 774

Work

Our house, in the middle of our street

Another great day to be alive

Long term commitment

03/10/2012 00:04

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 737

You deserved it 3 018

Father material

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 02:07

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 680

Millennial Life

By goodbyeadulthood - 09/09/2019 06:00

Today, my parents told me that from now on I have to share a room with my 9-year-old sister. She already called top bunk. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 557

24/07/2016 06:40

Today, after a week of my new neighbor constantly yelling in his native language, I finally complained about the noise. Turns out that's just his normal talking voice. Goodbye sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 710

You deserved it 1 142

24/01/2015 19:25

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 963

You deserved it 2 594

25/10/2017 01:37

Today, I spent ages writing a draft press release as part of a copywriting job application. I worked really hard and read it through several times before submitting. They emailed me to point out that I'd misspelled the name of the company. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 2 581

If only they hadn't learned to read…

By Anonymous - 20/09/2019 00:01

Today, I was hosting my kid's birthday party. I had a bunch of small trinkets, so I grabbed the first container I could find to put them in. It wasn’t until I went out and someone yelled, "I’ll take a heavy flow!" that I realized it was an empty tampon box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 656

15/05/2009 18:49

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 280

You deserved it 4 842

29/06/2014 05:04

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 521

You deserved it 6 269

28/10/2018 17:30

Today, I found out that my 6-year-old son was named after my wife's "Favorite Uncle" because he might also be the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 881

You deserved it 204

10/06/2011 23:07

Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 3 909

03/10/2011 21:41

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 682

You deserved it 5 733

10/04/2009 14:41

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 169

You deserved it 42 932

This pandemic is so 2019

By Anonymous - 04/06/2021 20:59

Today, my water broke. Due to Covid-19, we couldn't go straight to labor and delivery, so had to go to the emergency room and wait to be taken up. I sat there for an hour with a ruptured sac and contractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 83

27/01/2019 20:00

Today, I found out the guy I was seeing was married, with a kid, when his wife sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 695

You deserved it 294

Nice parents you've got there

By mere - 06/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was called a whore by my own parents, simply because I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. Everyone I’ve ever dated has dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 146

Caught

By losingstreak - 31/01/2009 20:47

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 213

You deserved it 37 831

Take care

By Buyingagun - 08/04/2020 05:00

Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 514

04/08/2015 11:59

Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 574

You deserved it 2 900

23/10/2016 17:18

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 196

You deserved it 823

03/03/2009 18:29

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 876

You deserved it 31 077

19/07/2015 03:29

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 802

You deserved it 2 436

I keep mine hidden

By Anonymous - 17/08/2020 20:00

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 100

10/12/2010 17:21

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 129

You deserved it 2 973

11/07/2011 04:48

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 783

You deserved it 9 418

My husband the shitgibbon

By NotYetThanks - 23/07/2021 00:01

Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 106

Neighbours from hell

By Anonymous - 01/05/2012 19:51

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 997

You deserved it 1 994

04/02/2012 19:31

Today, after telling my girlfriend that I loved her, she dumped me claiming I was getting "too attached". I've already spent almost $400 on her Valentine's Day present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 23 194

11/10/2016 04:21

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 614

You deserved it 1 208

You learn something new every day

By virginkiller - 03/03/2012 13:23

Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 105

You deserved it 5 669

06/02/2010 03:19

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 319

You deserved it 8 936

22/12/2008 11:54

Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 114

You deserved it 11 086

26/04/2016 04:34

Today, I watched my high school crush pull into the parking spot next to me, and then almost immediately he started backing out once he saw me parked next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 090

You deserved it 1 614

03/12/2017 00:00

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 791

You deserved it 1 839

20/12/2013 20:13

Today, I finally told my father that I was picked on at college all this year over my hearing disability. When I told him one of the jokes they made about me, he burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 777

You deserved it 3 558

03/08/2010 10:21

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 224

You deserved it 38 891

30/11/2013 08:31

Today, I realized my girlfriend has been "on her period" for almost two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 336

You deserved it 12 028

16/08/2019 01:02

Today, I was late for a meeting. The meeting hall door was made of glass, and it said pull, but in my rush, I pushed the door so hard that it shattered into small pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 752

20/08/2015 16:18

Today, I accidentally dropped and shattered my small bathroom mirror. My sister came to see what was going on, took one look at the shattered mirror, and said, "About time you put it out if its misery." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 752

You deserved it 2 701

09/12/2012 00:25

Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 002

You deserved it 2 151

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Top comments

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:07

they let people like that have credit cards, no wonder the economy is fucked

MrMonk 5

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:06

that's grandma for you

Comments

GrandmaPearl 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:06

Well then!! She has balls!

anjelicjazzy 6

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:23

i feel like this is something that would happen to me... sigh

kendallhi 9

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Monday 11 July 2011 10:12

why is this an FML for you? it's the lady who should be the one complaining.

Denikk 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 10:14

Oh yea, you met a stupid lady and all of a sudden your life is ruined.

CasualZombie 6

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Monday 11 July 2011 10:40

that's more of an F her life; for being a technologically impaired hot-headed dumbass.

pertained 12

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Monday 11 July 2011 11:10

I don't really get how anyone could say OP deserves this...

tashaburr 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 12:17

I wonder what she'd do with an iPhone since it doesn't have buttons...

baddud300 6

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Monday 11 July 2011 13:13

Why not just explain it to her? : D

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 11 July 2011 18:17

?Because it's more amusing to standby and watch the Stupid Show.. live!

tpreston 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 5:37

that make screen protectors for a reason, to protect the screen. Although it's not your fault you work for a cheap-ass company

QfiggyQ 10

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 6:00

OP probably assumed that people with credit cards know how to use the machine, and the old hag flipped a nutty before the OP could explain it.

Carpy 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 10:10

sooo how is it working for Walmart?

NeonPopRocks 14

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Wednesday 26 December 2012 22:26

Did she park in the technologically impaired space?

MrMonk 5

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:06

that's grandma for you

WallyTheWombat 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 17:54

Those darn electric pens are always running out of ink. I can't remember a single time I had one with ink in it.

emmiep1011 7

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:06

some women...

PageantGirlXOXO 16

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Monday 11 July 2011 11:32

how is this an FML for her...? more like fhl

jglenn88 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 15:49

that might have been my grandma...

Nips101 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 17:09

no doubt

zombieekillah93 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:07

only in America...n maybe poland

Jacobt24 19

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:08

I hate writing with those things

sxe_beast 11

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Monday 11 July 2011 10:14

@Jacob... I know! They seriously piss me off. I usually just put the first letter of each name and scribble the rest or I put a smiley face.

MerrikBarbarian 9

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Monday 11 July 2011 19:46

wtf you have against Poland? :(

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:07

they let people like that have credit cards, no wonder the economy is fucked

Mirorbo 26

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:08

Ah, technology...

Dead_Master 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:08

Lol awesome for her

alpaquette91 9

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:09

was she 90?

emeraldchicky 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:09

Hehe... Stupid woman.

alpaquette91 9

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:14

you're a women .... I think ... :/

Das_Judenburg 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:30

I think she's more of a cow, can I get a moo moo?

CatEyes66 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:40

Well, 14 is built like a man.

alpaquette91 9

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:41

our cruel yet truthful comments disappeared or my iPhone app sucks ...

ksib 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:45

14 stfu. your ugly as hell. do us all a favor and put a bag over your head before you post another comment. :)

alpaquette91 9

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:48

yeah with nice tits small waist and a great ass at least I show my face... I don't have some cartoon ;)

dreamering 16

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Monday 11 July 2011 9:09

No wonder. Those electronic pads never work.