Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed...

By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 03:24 - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

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Work

Serious times

Race against the clock

Bad news

By murphy - 2/2/2009 10:49 - United States

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2017 17:09

Today, I got fired from my first-ever job. Via text. I hadn't even started the first day but I'm expected to drive an hour and a half to my now ex-boss's house to return the key. FML

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By mike - 10/7/2013 07:51 - United States

Today, I was over my grandparents' house for my grandfather's birthday. For years they would talk to each other in Italian and I could never understand them, so I started to take an online class to teach myself Italian. Now I know all they talk about is how much they hate everything about me. FML

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By umyuck - 3/5/2015 16:55 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2010 15:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend informed me via text message that he had moved to Bristol, and the reason he had ignored me the past fortnight was because he didn't know how to tell me. He knew he was moving even before we even got together. FML

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By Angrymom - 22/10/2018 22:00

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

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By Dave - 19/12/2018 18:00

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

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By grandma - 8/2/2014 15:12 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

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By Santa - 25/12/2014 03:01 - United States - Cocoa

Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2012 00:00 - United States - Medina

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2011 10:43 - Australia

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

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By - 6/4/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a restaurant to stalk his ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 00:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

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By SpontaneousAM - 15/4/2017 14:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML

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By Superficial - 9/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2018 01:30

Worth it.

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me the only reason he has stayed with me for the last 6 months is because of the Netflix account. FML

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By theshad - 10/9/2010 06:28 - Reserved

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I had a mild allergic reaction from eating pasta salad. I told my mom that I might be allergic to the parsley, since it was the only ingredient that I don't eat often. She made me eat a sprig of it to "make sure." Now my face is covered in hives. FML

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By Noslo - 10/11/2011 03:52 - United States

Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML

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By Herbiee - 18/8/2010 12:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

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By Till We Pass Out - 3/10/2015 15:30 - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

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By j0j0 - 15/1/2009 16:00 - France

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2019 22:01 - United States

Planned Parenthood

Today, I got the biggest shock in my life, I'm a mistake, and the only reason why I wasn't put up for adoption is because of the tax refunds. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2014 18:24 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

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By Dog fart - 13/2/2010 16:08 - United States

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

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By Username - 28/7/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was "So does yours." FML

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By DaveAlmighty - 2/7/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refused to leave, I grabbed a baseball bat and they sped off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors for drug trafficking. I had threatened cops. FML

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By kp - 3/9/2015 16:30 - United States

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

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By Thongy - 7/4/2020 20:00 - Canada

Cultural differences

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? My Australian friend sent me a message saying I'd left my thongs at his house. My boyfriend still refuses to believe that they call flip-flops thongs in Australia. FML

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By "LovelySB" - 21/4/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

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By Powerless111 - 15/10/2019 20:00

Freedom of speech

Today, I got yelled at for 30 minutes while on a date for using the word "bitch." I used it to describe my friend's wife, who will also yell at you for 30 minutes for using a word she doesn't like. FML

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By this guy - 21/11/2013 05:27 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

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By wtf bro - 20/5/2015 08:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

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By dk14 - 24/1/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

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By ohmygod582 - 14/4/2014 01:32 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML

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By Anonymoose - 29/9/2014 03:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

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By Spiderchick - 26/9/2019 12:00 - Germany

Hmmmm, breakfast

Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML

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By xxxkkxxx - 29/7/2011 15:37 - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2012 16:46 - Ireland - Bagenalstown

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

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Top comments

By organizse | 28

#6530603 - Sunday 7 February 2016 0:21

What kind of job is this??

By BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6530621 - Sunday 7 February 2016 0:26

The job could be cleaning parks/recreational areas, not sure why you need to identify the dog though

COMMENTS

By organizse | 28

#6530603 - Sunday 7 February 2016 0:21

What kind of job is this??

Hoopachi | 19

#6530741 - Sunday 7 February 2016 3:25

Probably Forensic Pathology, deals with autopsies and classifying dead people/animals. Kinda like a doctor of the dead.

Dark_Cecilia | 20

#6530775 - Sunday 7 February 2016 4:16

I doubt that would be minimum wage though...

MandieL | 27

#6530781 - Sunday 7 February 2016 4:25

Maybe it's an entry level position. Or a paid internship.

Feklfekl2222 | 32

#6530854 - Sunday 7 February 2016 5:54

Some rubbish departments of councils freeze and catalogue dead animals for a period after they're found so owners can find them and bury them etc

bprattle93 | 1

#6530998 - Sunday 7 February 2016 9:05

For minimum wage?

JCWolfGirl | 14

#6531020 - Sunday 7 February 2016 10:33

I think op may work at an animal shelter/pound, the kind where strays are taken to. It's not uncommon at my local kill shelter for dogs to be brought in DOA to be identified and then cremated.

By Youtube_Troll | 12

#6530604 - Sunday 7 February 2016 0:22

Danm that really sucks

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6530843 - Sunday 7 February 2016 5:40

And don't forget to slap that button folks :)

By tylercoffman420 | 19

#6530614 - Sunday 7 February 2016 0:25

What type of job is this? I've never heard of this type of thing being required.

By corky1992 | 33

#6530616 - Sunday 7 February 2016 0:25

That's definitely not worth only making minimum wage..your job sucks.

By BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6530621 - Sunday 7 February 2016 0:26

The job could be cleaning parks/recreational areas, not sure why you need to identify the dog though

TheLadyOpal | 30

#6530666 - Sunday 7 February 2016 1:23

Probably to see if it matches the description of any dogs reported missing in the area.

bonermonkey | 31

#6530702 - Sunday 7 February 2016 2:19

Because when people lose their dogs they usually like to have some closure so they can stop searching and grieve

MrKento11 | 12

#6530779 - Sunday 7 February 2016 4:25

I suppose that if it was in a bag someone did it on purpose, so they might think they can track somebody responsible for it. I think.

meggieeeeee92 | 16

#6530897 - Sunday 7 February 2016 6:33

I figured it was put in a bag by whoever recovered the dog and sent it to the OP's work place. I wouldn't just send a dead dog covered in maggots without some sort of packaging.

BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6531103 - Sunday 7 February 2016 14:43

51 you would be surprised how many people try to get rid of pets by putting them in a bad and dumping them there, it's very sad and painful for the animal but somehow some humans possess the cruelty to do it :(