Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with... - FML

By whoneedsdumbcars - 14/8/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

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Understandable

White line fever

The student becomes the master

By losing the plot - 8/4/2015 19:36 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

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By LongDriveNoSleep - 24/5/2016 10:38 - United States - Washington

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

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By singlesoon - 25/8/2009 04:26 - Canada

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

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By deadhamster - 3/2/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML

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By GingerJ - 2/1/2012 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

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By nodullmoment - 26/4/2013 03:01 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

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By FMyThroat - 18/1/2013 00:39 - Peru - Lima

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

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By popasquat - 4/12/2018 12:00

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

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By KnowledgableEx - 10/11/2016 12:42 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

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By boo8713 - 28/11/2012 06:06 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

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By jasmine - 10/6/2019 14:00

Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a sports physical. I've had a giant, dark birthmark on my left rib cage that I've hated most of my life. Recently I've learned to embrace it and show it off by wearing bikinis. My doctor saw it today and told me it's a fungus that's been spreading on my side all my life. FML

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By BrakesNotBumpers - 12/6/2015 21:09 - United States - Reading

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

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By maf811 - 7/11/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

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By ocdeane - 1/10/2019 22:00 - Germany - Mainz

Disgusting

Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML

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By shanson - 7/11/2016 14:06 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my mother lectured me for not spending enough time with her. We literally just got back from a 10 day vacation together. FML

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By krfenton8 - 11/1/2016 06:49

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

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By NotSarahConnor - 11/3/2018 20:30 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boss thought it was funny to fire me by putting on dark sunglasses and saying "You have been terminated" in a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. FML

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By lifestinks - 5/4/2009 04:17 - Canada

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

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By ihateumicheal - 2/8/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

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By Miscellaneous - 17/6/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

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By Cynical - 30/3/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2013 20:52 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

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By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/3/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

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By kylie - 15/11/2010 21:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2009 07:39 - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2014 17:33 - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I was bitched out at 2am by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

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By anonymous - 1/2/2020 20:00 - United States - Shawnee

Especially for dad

Today, my daughter ran up to me and gave me a cup. She said it was lemonade that she made with her friend. When I took a sip, she giggled and ran back to her room. It was not lemonade. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was a conversation about Disney, which ranged from Pocahontas lunch boxes to Disneyland Paris. I don't know who was more excited; me, a 20 year old man, or the 6 year old girl I was talking to. FML

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By dork - 16/7/2009 20:32 - United States

Today, I found out my class was attempting to raise money for me through a bake sale because some girl spread a false rumor that I was raped and that my father was going to disown me. The whole school believes it and my biology teacher took me aside and asked if I needed someone to confide in. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2009 02:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

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By porkeater - 16/7/2009 15:02 - United States

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

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By cero_kewl - 5/3/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

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By 99jellybean - 26/1/2016 03:02 - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

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By sstahpp - 20/8/2015 21:24 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By gibbette - 28/4/2013 17:32 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

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By ScorpioQueen - 21/9/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I decided not to park in the parking garage on campus, in an attempt to save the $8 it would have cost me. Instead, I parked in a surface lot (about a mile away) and got a $50 parking ticket for not having a permit to park there. FML

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By ryan - 10/2/2010 15:08 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

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By strokingitasitype - 7/4/2012 19:12 - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

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Top comments

By Abby97 | 0

#486117 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:04

Ouch! Haha my mom did that one time and I was still in the car! It was so scary!

By kittybell | 0

#486135 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:08

Fail. =D

Comments

By Bashar_fml | 0

#486116 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:04

rofl at u

Reply

mercilessadi | 0

#486353 - Friday 14 August 2009 17:29

Today,while coming out of a restaurant,I saw a car running over a dog in a parking lot. After reaching home I realized that the dog was mine.fml

|^^|

Reply

polkadot1196 | 0

#486446 - Friday 14 August 2009 18:21

Same. You'd think you would remember to put on the brakes.... I just see it in my head!!

Reply

ananamoose | 0

#486576 - Friday 14 August 2009 19:22

Do you have a movie screen in your head? NO YOU DON"T so I BET you DON"T see it IN YOUR HEAD!! Ididoso

Reply

nam3 | 0

#487840 - Saturday 15 August 2009 4:50

why wuld they go back in???

Reply

TurtleSmile | 14

#4822954 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:38

At least a hot girl noticed you, OP. I guess that's a step in the right direction?

By Abby97 | 0

#486117 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:04

Ouch! Haha my mom did that one time and I was still in the car! It was so scary!

Reply

bob1233 | 0

#486126 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:06

LMAO!

Reply

uthral | 0

#488006 - Saturday 15 August 2009 6:52

Were you on a boat ramp at the time?

By kittybell | 0

#486135 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:08

Fail. =D

Reply

growingupnextmon | 3

#486194 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:31

Not necessarily if he had been astute he would have been able to turn it into a conversation with the hot girl.

Reply

elara15 | 0

#486375 - Friday 14 August 2009 17:42

Sheesh, male drivers!

See how generalizations never accomplish anything? Regardless of your gender, pay attention to your vehicle. YDI, son.

By serpicosghost | 0

#486143 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:10

YDI for eating in a restaurant

By SimpleSimon | 0

#486160 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:18

YDI for being a useless driver

By marz88 | 0

#486173 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:23

Why is my FML red? and how do I get rid of it.

OP = Pure genius. Possible Darwin Award nominee one day

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#486343 - Friday 14 August 2009 17:25

FML is being retarded.
I've been trying to post a reply to you.
Maybe this one will work.

You can't. It's an ad for a movie and will be gone in a couple days.

Reply

TheTrainKid | 20

#6248864 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 21:48

Don't use the R word.

By Trooth | 13

#486186 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:28

That is hilarious!! rofl

By growingupnextmon | 3

#486198 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:32

At least you got their attention.

By XTheDesertSongX | 17

#486242 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:49

I'm sorry but rofl. this is a fail and again I'm sorry but YDI... god this
is retarded though D:

By Intoxicunt | 5

#486259 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:56

I really think the girls are irrelevant. The car rolling away is an FYL with a YDI. I notice that it's embarrassing because ANYONE saw you, but the fact they were hot girls (who were walking out anyway) isn't really a necessary detail.
So like I said, FYL/YDI both.