Transportation: Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with... - FML

By whoneedsdumbcars - United States

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Season finale

This ain't working out

By guy - United States

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

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By NoStarbucks4Me - Germany - M?hldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a 1-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Corporate hell

Today, I found out I didn't get the promotion I applied for. Then I was told I was the only one who applied for the job. FML

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By Annonymous - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

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By number2 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

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By drakx88 - United States

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

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By thathurt500x - 26/6/2020 20:08

You rang?

Today, my boyfriend's tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

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By fuckfuck - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

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By j - Australia

Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML

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By emonsteadman - United States - Denton

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

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By Scared - United States - Pacific

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

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By lonely - Canada - Granby

Saturday Night Fever-ish

Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

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By sharkboy - United States - Honolulu

Shark Week

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

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By handygirl - Singapore - Singapore

I'm here!

Today, I tried fixing my bedroom lock because the push button hadn't retracted. When I closed the door, I couldn't open it again because the spring isn't attached to the latch, so that didn't retract either. I'm locked in my own room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

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By ReallyUniverse??

Today, at work as a dog groomer, two dogs gave me bloody bites, completely unprompted. I went home in tears, so my family got Chinese takeout to cheer me up. My fortune cookie read, "It is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog that counts." FML

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By achoooo - United States

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

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By ugh - United States - Saint Clair Shores

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

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By Epiphany - United States

Today, I finally realized how depressed I am when I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. FML

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By DexiCola - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I asked my manager where the clearly-foreign customers were from. She said she didn't know, but she thought they were from ISIS. She wasn't trying to be funny, she thought ISIS was a country. FML

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By rink.attendant.6 - Canada - Dryden

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

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By cay - United States - Holley

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

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By Anonymous - Iceland - Akranes

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

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By minder97 - Canada

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

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By Salvation711 - United States

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

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By no name - United States - Gaylord

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

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By grem - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was playing with his little sister by grabbing her arms and spinning her around. On one turn, she started screaming in pain. It turns out I dislocated both her shoulders. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Don't stop now!

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

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By unlucky - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

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By ThatCery - United Kingdom

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I'm finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with 'Cery who?', followed by 'So what? I can't stand her'. I'm Cery. FML

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By gassy - United States - Aubrey

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

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By SK8WITME - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

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By Mightytall

It's the Final Countdown

Today, I had a very long wait at the doctor's. The three plastic plants in the waiting area have 163 leaves each, the patient information poster on the wall has 127 words, the longest word has 19 letters. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was greeting customers at work. After saying good morning to one man, he stopped and looked at me from head to toe before smirking and saying, "Mmmm." He then turned around and said, "It's starting." It's only my first day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

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By reallythough - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

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By Llamadroid - United States - Los Angeles

Today, out of my whole class, I received no awards. All my teachers thought that I would get plenty from the others. Now people think I'm stupid. I have a 3.66 GPA and they won't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

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Top comments

By Abby97 | 0

#486117 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:04

Ouch! Haha my mom did that one time and I was still in the car! It was so scary!

By kittybell | 0

#486135 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:08

Fail. =D

COMMENTS

By Bashar_fml | 0

#486116 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:04

rofl at u

Reply

mercilessadi | 0

#486353 - Friday 14 August 2009 17:29

Today,while coming out of a restaurant,I saw a car running over a dog in a parking lot. After reaching home I realized that the dog was mine.fml

|^^|

Reply

polkadot1196 | 0

#486446 - Friday 14 August 2009 18:21

Same. You'd think you would remember to put on the brakes.... I just see it in my head!!

Reply

ananamoose | 0

#486576 - Friday 14 August 2009 19:22

Do you have a movie screen in your head? NO YOU DON"T so I BET you DON"T see it IN YOUR HEAD!! Ididoso

Reply

nam3 | 0

#487840 - Saturday 15 August 2009 4:50

why wuld they go back in???

Reply

TurtleSmile | 14

#4822954 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:38

At least a hot girl noticed you, OP. I guess that's a step in the right direction?

By Abby97 | 0

#486117 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:04

Ouch! Haha my mom did that one time and I was still in the car! It was so scary!

Reply

bob1233 | 0

#486126 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:06

LMAO!

Reply

uthral | 0

#488006 - Saturday 15 August 2009 6:52

Were you on a boat ramp at the time?

By kittybell | 0

#486135 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:08

Fail. =D

Reply

growingupnextmon | 3

#486194 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:31

Not necessarily if he had been astute he would have been able to turn it into a conversation with the hot girl.

Reply

elara15 | 0

#486375 - Friday 14 August 2009 17:42

Sheesh, male drivers!

See how generalizations never accomplish anything? Regardless of your gender, pay attention to your vehicle. YDI, son.

By serpicosghost | 0

#486143 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:10

YDI for eating in a restaurant

By SimpleSimon | 0

#486160 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:18

YDI for being a useless driver

By marz88 | 0

#486173 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:23

Why is my FML red? and how do I get rid of it.

OP = Pure genius. Possible Darwin Award nominee one day

Reply

Intoxicunt | 5

#486343 - Friday 14 August 2009 17:25

FML is being retarded.
I've been trying to post a reply to you.
Maybe this one will work.

You can't. It's an ad for a movie and will be gone in a couple days.

Reply

TheTrainKid | 20

#6248864 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 21:48

Don't use the R word.

By Trooth | 13

#486186 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:28

That is hilarious!! rofl

By growingupnextmon | 3

#486198 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:32

At least you got their attention.

By XTheDesertSongX | 17

#486242 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:49

I'm sorry but rofl. this is a fail and again I'm sorry but YDI... god this
is retarded though D:

By Intoxicunt | 5

#486259 - Friday 14 August 2009 16:56

I really think the girls are irrelevant. The car rolling away is an FYL with a YDI. I notice that it's embarrassing because ANYONE saw you, but the fact they were hot girls (who were walking out anyway) isn't really a necessary detail.
So like I said, FYL/YDI both.