Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Today, I learned that when you quit smoking, you get "Smoker Flu", meaning you feel like you're coming down with something really horrible. The good news is that my throat is so raw, I couldn't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
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Top comments
Monii_Harlz 11
AHAHAHAHAHA! sorry that's so funny, kids remember smoking kills and apparently makes you shit your pants - eventually
dudeitsdanny 10
My aunt ignored small coughs for 2 years.. They built up in frequency and intensity.. And she ignored those for 7 years.. When she started coughing more violently, and decided to get checked out since she watched my cousin's little girl, she discovered she had developed cancer. A cancer that covered almost her entire left lung. She was in chemotherapy for 6 months, seemed better, then died in serious pain 3 months later. Better hope your cough isn't half as serious, even if it sounds much more intense.
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Comments (149)
chillinAK 9
Chantix worked on my husband, who was a two pack a day for 14 years, and me, 1/2 pack for 15. Good luck! It's hard as hell, but once you are done the appreciation you will have of fresh air and better lung capacity will be worth it.
bloodshedblack 5
tupac of cigs a day huh?
BigJ365 4
stop smoking it will kill you slowly and it happens when you least expect it
TaylorTheBoss 4
you nasty nasty thing...
RORR 1
this made me laugh sooooooo much, thank you for making my day
FireSphinx 5
looks like you got a mess on your hands ... or actually in your ass
cynthiaF 0
That's not normal.
Calyx_fml 22
Smoke weed instead. It's not sticky like tobacco so it doesn't coat your lungs. Even better, vaporize it.
Dark_Angel003 0
thats what you get for smoking!
daniismiles11 0
cochina !
awardZu 0
Nicotine nazis attack again. So tired of seeing people auto-judge people because they smoke.