Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Today, I learned that when you quit smoking, you get "Smoker Flu", meaning you feel like you're coming down with something really horrible. The good news is that my throat is so raw, I couldn't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to. FML
Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Monii_Harlz 11
AHAHAHAHAHA! sorry that's so funny, kids remember smoking kills and apparently makes you shit your pants - eventually
dudeitsdanny 10
My aunt ignored small coughs for 2 years.. They built up in frequency and intensity.. And she ignored those for 7 years.. When she started coughing more violently, and decided to get checked out since she watched my cousin's little girl, she discovered she had developed cancer. A cancer that covered almost her entire left lung. She was in chemotherapy for 6 months, seemed better, then died in serious pain 3 months later. Better hope your cough isn't half as serious, even if it sounds much more intense.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (149)
raysfan4 0
You've got some issues... Might wanna see a doctor OP...
hollysterT 0
what's op mean?
pinkkCuteee 0
original poster
magentaballoon15 8
octogonal penquin
ceceliuhh 0
inb4 YOU DESERVE IT FOR SMOKING HURRDURRRRR
benniful 0
sorry, but what's a HURRDURR? x'D
IAmTheHeavens 0
I think that boat already sailed kiddo. Unless your one of those early teen smokers. Which it seems like you are.
magentaballoon15 8
#36, It's the sound of idiocracy, and is somewhat like the word "Duh" but somewhat more rude,( if I am correct. I might not be...)
Livinia 11
Well if you fail to quit smoking, I suggest investing in some diapers.
jacobs_double 0
husks Lavinia I love your comments
jacobs_double 0
oops Livinia*
cjgqsmooth 0
are you sure those are cigarettes you smokin?
cbrxcx5790 0
rad!!!
jess6blondie9 3
That's a pretty harsh cough to make you shit yourself! Hope your quitting smoking goes well. (:
SPONGEBObz 4
LOL !
captainTexas84 0
how did u know that was "poo" unless you've tasted it before? p.s. what is the point of the words poo and bum can't u just say crap or sh*t and butt or ass?
lulututu 4
Maybe that's just how they talk. Does it really matter dude.?
jayyluhv 0
it doesn't. it was just a question.
LilliPage 17
What is the point of the words "crap" or "sh*t" and "butt" or "ass" when you can be polite and say "poo" and "bum"? Not only is it more polite, but "poo" is less letters than "crap" or "sh*t" and "bum" is less letters than "butt"
1215116a 14
What does tasting have to do with this...at all?
jennabug0403 4
.. toucher.. ;) lmao !
shovels 0
would you rather cough up blood and then decide to quit?
lindseyluvszac 4
I work on the Cardio Vascular Unit and I see long time smokers here ALL the time getting Triple, Quadruple Bypasses. So...what time would you like your appt. to be?