Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML
Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
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Top comments
MermaidSongXOXO 6
This is the kind of FML that you can't really blame the OP at all. It's actually really inspiring that you decided to quit smoking :) Quitting is tough, and it takes a while to get out of the habit (hence trying to ash a kitkat bar). But, I, and I'm sure a lot of other FML users, are proud. Fun fact: every cigarette you smoke takes eleven minutes off your life.
ninja_dino 0
good job on quitting good luck
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Comments (412)
PandasRtheShit 0
Nasty
luis420 0
my friend did that once he thought he was smoking
Haileyw15 0
Smoking is so gross xP
acoti 0
Hey, at least you decided to quit smoking. Don't worry about your habits going away so soon. Good luck.
nates0210 0
do you bite cigarettes? because... that's weird.
PandasRtheShit 0
smoking is nasty
gzmn91 6
Agreed #8 People should learn to do other things to relieve stress because it can do serious damage.
yayax0 0
agreed! so gross!!
gasbreakdipdip 0
ya nasty weed Is much better
Haileyw15 0
Yeah and not only does it do damage health wise, but it makes you smell awful! x.x
FMLRevoluSean 0
In soviet Prussia, kitkats smash you! Dafp.
mylifeblows3232 3
don't quit smoking man! once obamacare kicks in you won't have to pay for any of the medical problems you might get down the road! I want me some obamamoney
luis420 0
fail soviet Russia joke
FMLRevoluSean 0
Smokin' doesn't make you smokin' hot!
crazybabesam988 0
ha! great!
Blue_Coconuts 7
Hey, I used to smoke!
FMLRevoluSean 0
I don't think they have Obamacare in New Zealand. Dafp.
StoryOfTheYear 14
YDI for buying a kitkat bar get a butterfinger
luis420 0
lol
phillyboss25 0
ydi for smoking
cassiesaurus 0
smoking is N-a-s-t-y. nasty. ewie.
imbatman_fml 0
after taking a bite? did you used to eat cigarettes? good thing you're quitting that
FMLRevoluSean 0
KitKats are ****** Nasty I agree with story get yourself some real candy.
Nena713 0
I commend you for trying to quit though.
PandasRtheShit 0
:O I got first?!? I would like to thank all the little people, and snickerdoodles, and fmylifesrsly, and COOKIES o.O
clivealmighty 0
thats good that you quit but youre x3 bravo
Haileyw15 0
51, and Hailey *cough*
Xrandomkrisx 7
fun fact: When you smoke you are not the one smoking. The cig is the one smoking, you're just the sucker. :)
Jlevrt 0
"Smoking is a terrible, terrible disease..." * **pulls up collar-- hunches shoulders-- turns around and walks away into the snowy night*
pink_mx_braap 0
ick at least you're trying maybe you could be on those dumb commericals that say learn to live again without a cig....
Haileyw15 0
Haha :)
FMLRevoluSean 0
Yyou doont alllwayys diee fruum ttobaaccoo, Suumtimes youu jjusst loosse a luung. Yyou doont alllwayys diee fruum ttobaaccoo, Suumtimes theey jjusst riip outt yerr tonguue.
FMLRevoluSean 0
Ugh, didn't work how I wanted it can't make that accent in text.
woofis 0
go natural man, ****** tobbaco has all sorts of chemical shit in it. green is the way! legalize it!
you_and_me_fml 8
agreed smoking is grosss. there are muchh cooler ways to die (:
clarkie_boi_8494 0
tasty
sertralinaa 2
#1 is cute. And I hardly ever say compliments to anyone.
FMLRevoluSean 0
I want to die in a high speed chase on my hundredth birthday.
KiddNYC1O 20
second hand smoke ftl!... ftl!
phillyboss25 0
in philly smoking is what everyone does. but not me I'm too cool
poler637 0
girls smoking is a turn off stupid anti flood
ilikepie789 0
87 i love ur picture
spidergirl41 0
oh wow. i wonder if the OP kept eating it? mmmm
StoryOfTheYear 14
Pull the trigger Clark, pull the trigger! trust me that sock you stuffed into that speedo doesn't feel pain :}
FMLRevoluSean 0
110- that's what she said! Dafp!!!!!
doo_da_doo 0
what do you see I smoking? it's so gross! :P blech
doo_da_doo 0
24 fail
KiddNYC1O 20
117- you look like a startled natalie portman
blushingred 0
thank you 27-finally :P that soviet Russia joke is pissing me off...
sertralinaa 2
Lol as for me, I like soviet Russia jokes :D maybe because I live in Moscow.
McBoogerballs 0
oh boo ******* hoo. we do it because we know it causes damage.
acccccccc 1
soty isnt it your bday today or soon?
StoryOfTheYear 14
Today I m 16 :)
doo_da_doo 0
120 haha thank you!
doo_da_doo 0
btw you look like a coffee shop xP
Blue_Coconuts 7
// Haha, that made me chuckle... I don't see the Natalie Portman though... But she doesn't have a cute thing going on, so it works.
FMLRevoluSean 0
Ha soty I'm older!
Hated_By_FML 0
ydi cuz cigarettes are stupid, the better choice is some old fashioned reefer
RaIeigh 0
I dunno. I can see the Natalie Portman. Although it would be Natalie Portman from the movie Brothers..not Natalie Portman from V for Vendetta
doo_da_doo 0
137 I don't care what people think of me especially since ill probably never meet anyone here.. big deal
KiddNYC1O 20
hahaha. Natalie portman's cute!
doo_da_doo 0
are you calling me cute or ugly?? I don't get what your trying to say...
Blue_Coconuts 7
I didn't say you were ugly, I said I didn't see the Natalie Portman. I said you did have a cute thing going on though, jeeeeesh, so hostile, I was trying to be friendly. And I agree, Natalie Portman is cute.. And the only thing I've seen her in is Star Wars, and honestly, I just skip to the end of those movies where everyone is fighting and the movie is actually exciting, so meh...
llScarlFacell 0
Hey man good best of luck trying to quit!
FreeRunn3r 12
That's what you get for trying to quit!
RaIeigh 0
Natalie Portman is pretty..if you were referring to my post .
doo_da_doo 0
152 sorry you said "she doesn't have a cute thing going on" so I thought you were insulting me
KiddNYC1O 20
idk. Natalie portman's cute... I said you look like a startled NP, from what I see, that comes down to you being cute lol
doo_da_doo 0
161 that made my day.. it's 9 at night and a comment from someone I don't know made my day.. wow
Blue_Coconuts 7
Oh, that was a typo, sorry.. I meant you say you DO have a cute thing going on. :P Also, I'm insulted. You don't wanna meet a stranger from the internet?! And here I thought everyone wanted to meet me... Maybe you just don't know it yet though.... Hmmmm
Mxcn707 0
YDI FOR SMOKING!! :)
FreeRunn3r 12
I'd rather smoke and keep my braincells,****** pot heads now adays! Plz no comments bout weed or it's suppousable benifits,I'd rather have a higher IQ than be an idiot laughing at YouTube videos about ppl gettin hit in der nuts*huck yuck* Maybee you should try some crack it'll reverse your weight gain from all the munchies.
doo_da_doo 0
163 sorry but no (:
complicated4 0
can someone please explain how this is even a big deal
FMLRevoluSean 0
Potheads are usually smart & skinny.
KiddNYC1O 20
162- I'm kind of a big deal so feel lucky. haha jk. glad I made your day though =]
FreeRunn3r 12
I doubt that,I really do.
Blue_Coconuts 7
Woah, KIDNYC, that's my job, I'm the big deal around here. I have a fan group and everything, true story. Okay, maybe I don't, but I could make one and have like 15 people join it, so there!
JustinBieberIsOK 0
1- LOVE YOUR SHIRT!!!
Freeze_fml 16
Neither of you are big deals. Cry.
Haileyw15 0
ACTUALLY, Colin is a big deal. So, fail.
KiddNYC1O 20
jokes
Blue_Coconuts 7
183, and 184 both rock, they're both part of my epic fan base, it's growing by the minute.
Haileyw15 0
Lmao (:
KiddNYC1O 20
Natalie? lmao
doo_da_doo 0
198 is that my name now? or were you talking to someone else lmao
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
I can fly and you can't. Also, I am really awesome.
sugarbabyxoxo 2
mmm cigarettes! I'm smoking right meow. haha that's funny op, not really an fml it's funny.
klsyy 0
51- I love yr shirt haha
lizzmckenna 0
Smoking is ****** awesome dont diss smokers they will beat the **** out of u lol
Blue_Coconuts 7
Jimmy, I just shaved my beard, I was growing it for the Kings beard-a-thon (started growing when they clinched the playoffs) but they got eliminated from the playoffs last night... It was a good run though, and they're a young team with a lot of talent, so the fact they made it that far (when they hadn't been in almost 10 years) is great. :) Also, sugarbaby, what do you smoke? You strike me as someone who'd smoke those pink Camels. All my chick friends smoke those... Or those cigarettes that you can break the ball in the filter and they turn from regular into menthol (so you can pick what one you want, it's actually pretty cool)..
KiddNYC1O 20
206- that's your name now
doo_da_doo 0
206 haha fine by me
doo_da_doo 0
oops I meant 220 :P
illmatic2 16
Mmmmmm yellow teeth...that's what I like.
FMLRevoluSean 0
Mmmmmm crickets...that's what I like.
KiddNYC1O 20
haha
youandme4ever_fml 0
I agree with #8! Smoking is for lonely people!
epoh_fml 0
Jimmy I couldn't imagine you with a beard. you're way too sweet and innocent looking to grow a beard. and hey people! I have the house to myself tonight. party over here :)
ljsimons 0
I agree. #1 IS cute.
FMLRevoluSean 0
Yeah, 229 is pretty sexy, I'd hit that.
Blue_Coconuts 7
I was hoping so, after game 2 and 3 I had hope, but I had a feeling whoever won game 4 would win the series... Sucks. We need a more consistant goalie, Quick is good but he has too many days where is is just off his game... Ryan Miller is overrated too, he was great in the Olympics, don't get me wrong, but he has been horrible in the Playoffs.
blindyblonde13 0
57- hahahaha never thought bout it that way but its truee(:
Haileyw15 0
So would I Sean, so would I.
FMLRevoluSean 0
Yeah, he sure has a nice pussy.
Blue_Coconuts 7
I had an epic beard haha... If I grow a goatee and wear a beanie people say I look like Colin Ferrel... Maybe it's an Irish thing lol
iluvcucumbers 0
I'm trying to quit smoking right now so I know how hard it is.. the kitkat thing definitely sounds like something I would do. oh and 178 you'd have 16 fans :D
clanceyrocks11 0
deffinately
clarkie_boi_8494 0
YDI for smokin cigs. They be nasty shit
KiddNYC1O 20
sorry but, definitely*
johnnydudeman 0
Blue coconuts, can I join?
clarkie_boi_8494 0
no, u can't
SiRGreeN8 0
Hailey how old are you? :)
johnnydudeman 0
The safe way is to roll up pine needles in paper than cut it into cog size. The only unhealthy thing is smoke inhalation. it does make a smell though...
clarkie_boi_8494 0
I don't believe he was epic beard man
clarkie_boi_8494 0
what branch of the military are u in coconuts?
redsox4021 0
nice banana hammock clark
clarkie_boi_8494 0
thank you so much
tokintot07 0
well duh he thought he was smoking #6. haha that sucks tho.
Blue_Coconuts 7
I'm not in the Military anymore. Ex Army though... And it wasn't that great I guess, it was like Drew Doughty's, more scruff than anything. I don't grow facial hair easily. :( But it looked good, and was longer that anything I grew before.
doo_da_doo 0
Clark, there are so many things wrong with your picture
Blue_Coconuts 7
Oh and both Johnny and Cucumbers can be in my fan group!
doo_da_doo 0
who's fan club is it?
xbooyahx 0
^^^looks stoned or dumb apparently he don't smoke weed so guessing the latter....
Blue_Coconuts 7
17 now. And it's a fan club for my fans! Because I'm that awesome. I'm so awesome when I get sad, I stop being sad and become awesome again. True story.
doo_da_doo 0
haha I'll join!! xD
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Ooohhh Oohhhh I want to be a part of Coconuts' fan club too :D All the cool kids are doing it ^_^
doo_da_doo 0
^^ haha that's the way to live life, do what allll the cool kids are doing
xbooyahx 0
that was aimed at 165
Blue_Coconuts 7
I should make a facebook page ahahaha. Maybe I'll put the names in my profile.
redsox4021 0
4 every fan club there is an anti fan club. I will not lead the ANTI Blue_Coconut fan club! sign here x_________
redsox4021 0
now lead*
massagenist 0
a quitter never wins and a smoker never quits. errr yeah.
ladypatience93 2
yea in with weed!
kristinaferens 0
I actually get so annoyed at all you "Obamacare" people, Canada has GREAT benefits to healthcare, and all you damn Americans will really appreciate when it comes along.
Haileyw15 0
263, I'm 15 haha why?
Haileyw15 0
Colin, I'm number 1 in your fan group, just so you know.
Iissosmart 5
haha wow people look quite older then they r
Blue_Coconuts 7
Fer shizzle. I'm gonna make a list soon. :P
Iissosmart 5
hey blue I can't tell, is that an m4?
Blue_Coconuts 7
Yes it is.
Haileyw15 0
313, do I look older then 15 ? :o and I have to be at the very top Colin, because I'm special :D
Iissosmart 5
thought so. looks pretty well equiped.
Blue_Coconuts 7
Well Haley (mfmylifesrsly) is gonna be first, you'll be the first for all the "normals" lol... Also, thank you.. I had an EoTech, Surefire, vertical grip, and a green laser on it.. The green laser was awesome, since you could see it no matter what, and it went damn near forever. When we'd bust into a room (usually kinda dark because the houses aren't well lit) and you shined it across the room... They'd drop so fast, it was great. And I have 30 people (including people who joined via PM/facebook! I added 3 people that haven't "confirmed" it yet, but I know they'll agree anyway. :P Totally making a list in my profile.
Iissosmart 5
haha yes u do. I wilds guessed 16-17 lol
bezach 0
speaking of snicks did he/quit? I wanna sing the dead witch song from the wizard of oz!
Iissosmart 5
would** And blue haha i'd laugh if I saw every1 drop. that had to be amusing
Iissosmart 5
btw bezach I think snicks is a girl. Idk though I culdnt rly tell.
Blue_Coconuts 7
Yeah it was really funny.. Usually they just stand there and look at you stupid (unless they're enemy, then they usually stand there and look there stupid while they shoot at you)... But when you moved the laser across the room, they dropped instantly because they thought it would burn them and cut them in half. Hilarious. But we'd give jollyranchers to the kids in the houses for being good sports. Unless they're little assholes, but most of the time they're either quiet and reserved, or like to play with you. I once played with some little girl and her dolls for like 45 minutes while my platoon talked to the people. Then we played hide and seak, and I taught them the hokey-poky. I loved the kids. :D
Iissosmart 5
haha now that made me laugh :) thank u mate. haha I love little kids. (unless they r completely bratty)
gasbreakdipdip 0
297 looks like my PE teacher.....
Iissosmart 5
does any1 kno how to post the profile pics from the itouch? or is it even possible?
BustyGrandma69 0
omg it's terrible nobody gives a flying **** if you try to ash a kitcat... there's no fml here
Haileyw15 0
336, no it's not :(
Iissosmart 5
damn it. I was gonna put up a pic haha. eh oh well I'll do it sooner or later. but I'm younger then every1 anyways haha so I guess it doesn't matter
Haileyw15 0
How old are you?
Iissosmart 5
only 13 turning 14 soon though
choejunshik 0
I loled at #22
RaIeigh 0
#339 - You're not younger than me, so put it up :].
Iissosmart 5
raliegh lol then ur alot younger then u look haha
Haileyw15 0
Haha Raleigh (:
Iissosmart 5
well goodnite fml peoples. I shall act sophisticated as I announce my retirement for this night. and I have no ****** idea y I just talked like that
Haileyw15 0
343 haha you lol'd at my comment? And lmfao 349, night.
RKftw 0
0_o
blacknazi818 0
**** soviet russia
RKftw 0
ay blue put me on it, your pic is badass. just hope this doesn't end up like snickerdoodles empire.
ericownz101 0
haha this one made me laugh my left ballsack off
iCrazie 0
ALL HAIL BLUE!!!
nikebape19 0
yea I agree, what's up tho?
SoberVictim 0
Sucks for you. I want to join too Blue D:
Blue_Coconuts 7
Hell yeah, what can I say? It's part of behind awesome. And with that being sadi ,in my not sober state of mind right now, it's beocming a very big challenge to type (I think I'm doing pretty oogood though!) but I added the newste people... If I spelled your name wrong left you you, etc, PM me and I shall fix in the morning! Godonight my minions.
austin95 0
90, haha nice
austin95 0
28=fag
CookyMonsta 0
at least OP is quitting..
WolfsGuns 0
holly shit, soviet Russia will now be called prussia! you fail 24........
StoryOfTheYear 14
I've gotten 400 replies off a #1 comment, let's see if this blows by it or not
jayke518 0
#121 ur pretty hot we should hook up
jrdirtbike114 2
to the guy making the Soviet joke; Russia =/= Prussia
Resquall 0
Op, smoking can be as addictive as heroin. Try rehab
FreeRunn3r 12
I dnt want to join,what's so big about blue,aside from it being an awesome color.
grimreapor 0
agreed
authorkid 2
28 r u a retard? it dsays he's from new Zealand. he's not getting stuff from Obama.
thatonek1d 0
that's gunna be one helluva high!!!
samuel426 0
your a bitch for that
DayAndNit3 0
28 if u were Canadian we already have free healthcare haha
Crotcho_fml 0
that's happened to me so many times before lol
shammytroll 0
try the electronic cig if your having trouble quitting
fuckmalyfe 0
ur a ******* dumbass! he could quit now.... and won't have to smoke ******* cigerettes thruuu his neck!!!
luis420 0
lol sucks I wanna quit too :(
luis420 0
my first time being 1 of the first comentots lol
Intoxicunt 5
Commentots? Does that come with ketchup?
doink 0
And a spork.
Intoxicunt 5
Don't forget lots of salt. Does this sound mildly cannibalistic yet? >_>
KiddNYC1O 20
bahahahaha. ****! =]
luis420 0
assholes lol jp sucks trying to type on itouch
KiddNYC1O 20
ey ****, you look nice in your pic btw... but you don't have to acknowledge that
lionandthelamb61 9
you're stupid and need to learn how to read
MadeOfAwesome 1
109, you're completely missing the point. this is an FML because the OP realized how addicted they were because they're so used to putting their cigarettes in ash trays and they accidentally did it with a similar sized object. so now they feel hopeless, like they won't be able to quit because they're just so focused on tobacco.
spazmunkey 0
wow
avrpatsfan 0
good for you. don't stop trying to quit
rob78_fml 0
I quit years ago. Then relapsed, then quit again. The cravings never go and the smell of a freshly lit one makes my mouth water. Good luck though!
sertralinaa 2
reflex is a bitch
Fridiculously 0
I have cat-like reflexes. a dead cat, but a cat nonetheless.
redsox4021 0
failed attempt at humor
gasbreakdipdip 0
owned
inferno2080 0
4th!! anyway yeah that sux. c this would be an even BETTER fml if, without looking, you had taken another bite :)
htownlove 0
haha fail..
CrypticHatchet 0
fail ur 7th, nice try
lionandthelamb61 9
double fail!! not only are you not 4th, you're also retarded for being in such a rush to comment on this fml and get your idiotic words seen that you didn't properly read and realize that the op did not ash on her ******* candy bar!!! out of habit she thought it was a cig and tryed to ash it. idiot. no not her, you.
rachelxD 0
habbits can be a hard thing to break.
stiveg 0
at first I read "rabbits are a hard thing to break." and I just thought "oh my"
roaaaaaaaaar 0
rofl that's awesome
ninja_dino 0
good job on quitting good luck
seahorses4eva 4
Yes, fyl indeed. Because your life would have to be f-ed in order to mistake a kitkat for a cigarette? I think things could be far worse my friend. This is not FML material in my opinion.
ImaginaryFoe 0
I agree. How does tapping a KitKat bar FYL?
pleasenopuffin 0
Seriously. I quit and had similar problems. Just force of habit, not fml.
MermaidSongXOXO 6
This is the kind of FML that you can't really blame the OP at all. It's actually really inspiring that you decided to quit smoking :) Quitting is tough, and it takes a while to get out of the habit (hence trying to ash a kitkat bar). But, I, and I'm sure a lot of other FML users, are proud. Fun fact: every cigarette you smoke takes eleven minutes off your life.
jcrook 0
This. ^
luis420 0
that's bs the fun fact thing if that's the case then I should be dead in the next hour I smoke 2 n a half packs a day that's 50 a day
jcrook 0
#47, It's not that 'you will die within the number of cigarettes you smoke today x 11 minutes', as you seem to be suggesting. It's that your life will be shorter by roughly 'number of cigarettes you smoke in your life x 11 minutes'. Of course it's not exact, and giving up smoking can allow your body to repair the damage done by smoking and get you closer to a normal expected lifespan.
darkmis1 17
That's nasty 47! Have fun with your death sticks, and the side of cancer. OP: It's good that you're trying to quit, though I hope you do, instead of just saying it.
clivealmighty 0
47, .-. :D you're going to burn in hell weeee!!! can i go to your funeral x3 itll be pretty ironic if he gets lung cancer and dies within the next week o 3o i think i just jynxed you D;
jcrook 0
I know it's not easy to give up, I smoke myself and I know how difficult it is. You could just try cutting down a bit to start with; even that will be better for you. And everyone else giving #47 a hard time, maybe give him a break? He knows smoking is shitty but giving up isn't as easy as some people seem to think.
luis420 0
yeah if smoking was easy everyone would quit
luis420 0
126 my hero lol
redsox4021 0
lol that's funny^^. the 11 minutes thing was by taking smokers and finding their normal life expectancy and then seeing how long they live. they then find how much they smoked on average a day. they are then able to see how much time was taken off their life by each cigeratte an averaging the group of people . it's not exact but u can gauarntee that smoking every day will lower your life expectancy. even if ur granma lived to 80 if she didn't smoke she probably couldve made it to 90.