Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who...

By newscomes - 14/10/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24505

You deserved it

3524

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Live dumping

Don't give up

By totallyscrewedomg - 25/1/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37265

You deserved it

12374

Favorite

By Trama1201 - 4/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Boston

My short hair!

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1663

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By Unloving - 31/12/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, a man proposed to me in classic style on one knee. Unfortunately, I have been telling this man for the last two months that I don't even want to date him. He thinks I'm playing hard to get and is not giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35881

You deserved it

4991

Favorite

By aloneinaz - 15/1/2017 20:00

Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6627

You deserved it

817

Favorite

By lex31 - 14/2/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25973

You deserved it

3732

Favorite

By American idol - 6/4/2011 06:19

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11580

You deserved it

36829

Favorite

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/8/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40116

You deserved it

7484

Favorite

By HouseMdFangirl - 10/8/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17703

You deserved it

58121

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26769

You deserved it

6398

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/8/2013 07:36 - United States - Goodyear

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74176

You deserved it

6373

Favorite

By huh? - 23/6/2020 05:02

No kidding

Today, I was ecstatic that the pregnancy test I took was negative. I went to high five my boyfriend as I told him the good news. Apparently, it’s monstrous, unladylike and weird for a woman to not want children. When I pointed out he doesn’t want kids either, he said, "That’s normal for guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2044

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2013 21:29 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43655

You deserved it

3133

Favorite

By oddbrien - 13/12/2016 03:34 - United States - Baltimore

Today, while at the club, I started dancing with a girl who I had noticed throughout the night. When she turned around she firmly stated, "I'd much rather dance by myself". FML

I agree, your life sucks

7431

You deserved it

4281

Favorite

By Vlad - 24/12/2018 14:00

Today, we found out that the drinks we've had for our Christmas party at work yesterday were expired. For anything between six and eleven months. All of us drank them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1920

You deserved it

362

Favorite

By dumbdad - 28/12/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26149

You deserved it

3457

Favorite

By anonymous - 28/7/2012 13:26 - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7717

You deserved it

42217

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36357

You deserved it

3349

Favorite

By ForeverEmbarrassed - 13/8/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44542

You deserved it

4336

Favorite

By sunny_ca559 - 3/3/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25436

You deserved it

4077

Favorite

By RWW - 28/7/2010 17:38 - United States

Today, at work, I was talking to a customer. She kept shaking her head "no" at everything I said. I asked what she was disagreeing with. She told me she has Parkinson's Disease, teared up, and asked to speak to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38467

You deserved it

7466

Favorite

By paige - 27/2/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20155

You deserved it

51635

Favorite

By Lousydriver - 18/8/2011 13:07 - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I'd not noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9172

You deserved it

31165

Favorite

By fartypeepee - 18/7/2009 10:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58254

You deserved it

10417

Favorite

By slavelaborsux - 29/8/2011 23:59 - United States

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40566

You deserved it

3862

Favorite

By lonesome - 15/12/2014 03:22 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35455

You deserved it

6194

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31160

You deserved it

2887

Favorite

By stepsister - 10/6/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, I met my soon-to-be step mother. My dad was right, we had a lot in common. Including our birth year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57342

You deserved it

4055

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33448

You deserved it

2997

Favorite

By Busty - 21/11/2017 06:00

These jugs don't belong here...

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5490

You deserved it

924

Favorite

By MissMSE - 18/9/2009 08:41 - Canada

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27946

You deserved it

4510

Favorite

By Homeless - 9/3/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

I agree, your life sucks

96807

You deserved it

3508

Favorite

By GirlOnTheFly - 27/6/2012 04:20 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I was finally able to drive my brother's nice car instead of my clunker, because he left for college. First thing I do? Back into the neighbors' mailbox while exiting the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6874

You deserved it

33346

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 17:00

Headfucked

Today, after two weeks of migraines, my doctor informed me that bowel movements are one my triggers. This means every time I shit, I will have a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1763

You deserved it

Favorite

By Phobia - 29/12/2017 15:00

Today, thanks to my new anti-anxiety meds, I am finally no longer agoraphobic. Today also marks 5 weeks of constant diarrhea due to the same meds. Guess who's not leaving the house anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3930

You deserved it

278

Favorite

By w-dog - 24/8/2009 17:33 - Canada

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60430

You deserved it

19762

Favorite

By itchybollos - 16/9/2010 09:04 - Australia

Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33924

You deserved it

3318

Favorite

By j0hn - 23/2/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52856

You deserved it

17395

Favorite

By JavitheWrestler - 13/2/2016 23:06 - United States - Stockton

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8983

You deserved it

29214

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/8/2012 02:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26768

You deserved it

1730

Favorite

By Nice guy finishing last. - 7/4/2017 12:00

Today, I saw a girl I have a crush on sitting on a fountain, away from everyone. I thought this would be the perfect time to make a move on her. I tapped her on the shoulder, which scared her. She nervously flenched and began to piss herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5263

You deserved it

840

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Seegtease | 0

#621738 - Thursday 15 October 2009 8:26

Have a good day, sir.

By null_fml | 11

#621805 - Thursday 15 October 2009 9:25

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... he's not actually talking specifically to you. They record him on camera and broadcast the video to your home at the same time as everyone else's.

He may not even know who you are. Sorry.