Miscellaneous: Today, my neighbour's boiler broke and flooded his home. To solve... - FML

By failure - 14/07/2011 16:24 - Russian Federation

Today, my neighbour's boiler broke and flooded his home. To solve the problem, the water company shut off the neighbourhood's water supply while they fixed his boiler. I am now unable to shower, and I smell like a zoo animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 453

You deserved it 4 142

This Charming Man

Stop talking!

Thanks, Marley

By krabby patty - 25/05/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 358

You deserved it 1 553

I heard that

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 09:20 - Ireland

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that, "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 194

You deserved it 4 482

Cruel Summer

By Bhrugu - 20/05/2021 06:01

Today, my 20-day summer break started. It was also the day my entire family, including me, tested positive for Covid. I'm typing this in an isolation ward. There goes my summer break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 133

By Carnage23 - 22/11/2014 10:16 - Germany - Essen

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 059

You deserved it 3 988

They weren't wrong...

By aginglikemilk - 14/03/2017 18:00

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 988

You deserved it 434

By tnh - 17/11/2011 17:39 - United States

Today, just like every other day, I was woken up 2 hours earlier than I needed to be, by the alarm belonging to my upstairs neighbors. They won't wake up until their real alarm goes off: me, pounding the walls and yelling in frustration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 2 307

By PinkMonkeys - 23/11/2016 18:33

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 871

By shanxi - 23/05/2012 18:47 - United States

Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 591

You deserved it 2 489

By Bibi - 23/09/2018 12:00

Today, I went to my little brother's high school to speak to his counselor about his grades. On my way to the office, the office manager threatened to write me up for ditching class and told me that high school is not like middle school, 9th grade will be different. I graduated 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 493

You deserved it 221

By dumbluck - 16/03/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, I was driving in stop and go traffic and passed two accidents in the process. I got nervous and decided to change routes to avoid getting hit. As I was trying to find an alternative route on my GPS, I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 299

You deserved it 56 348

The sweet smell of success

By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 11:02

Today, my dad decided to make home-made popcorn. He accidentally used old fish oil instead of mazola oil. Now the house reeks of fish and we can't even throw the popcorn out for fear of attracting wild animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 93

By ew - 03/07/2012 11:33 - United States - Garland

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 423

You deserved it 28 985

By Too Many Credits - 08/04/2017 20:00

Today, after having too many projects for end of term, I asked to borrow my sister's paper that she used for the same class last year. After submitting it online, I found the example paper that the teacher handed out. My teacher used my sister's paper from last year as an example for us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 13 405

By Sleeeeeep - 19/08/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 232

You deserved it 14 728

By grampsisgay - 18/04/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 231

You deserved it 79 951

It's love

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 01:01 - United States

Today, I realized my cat has a foot fetish. She keeps randomly flopping over on my feet while I'm walking, and will lick my toes if I am barefooted. I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but it makes me super uncomfortable. Even my other cat looks at her like she's gone insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 135

By ugh - 19/01/2011 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 330

You deserved it 9 467

By Jololol - 17/05/2013 09:25 - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 128

You deserved it 3 316

By womboman - 30/07/2011 20:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 657

You deserved it 3 205

That's worth $0.30 at GameStop!

By maystar - 26/05/2018 15:00

Today, it's my birthday. My mom and three other relatives each bought me a copy of Diablo 3 for my birthday. A video game that I didn't ask for, for a console I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 809

You deserved it 292

By confusedmofo - 29/07/2013 06:35 - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 694

You deserved it 8 119

Family sticks together

By R we Hillbilliez? - 01/04/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I overheard my husband screaming and sobbing into the phone. Apparently, his mistress has been cheating on him with both his brother and their uncle. Who’s the woman in question? My much younger niece, who lives next door. I don’t even know where to begin to approach this dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 91

By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 356

You deserved it 3 994

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 440

You deserved it 3 402

By Cinnanyan - 02/06/2016 10:20 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 679

You deserved it 2 543

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 03:34 - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 001

You deserved it 5 583

By agnosticstudy - 28/01/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of 2 hot pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 889

You deserved it 27 679

By anonymous - 20/02/2014 05:27 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 139

You deserved it 3 391

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 664

You deserved it 4 755

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 236

You deserved it 36 793

By frozenpoo - 21/01/2015 02:05 - United States

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 596

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 23:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss that, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 550

You deserved it 2 446

By fmlsomuch - 25/02/2012 20:51 - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 132

You deserved it 3 353

By emopoe - 06/09/2011 15:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 884

You deserved it 12 978

Sleeping together is exhausting

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 14:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I realized how hard it is to get a good night's sleep next to each other when we both fell asleep watching John Wick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 153

Exciting

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 74

By Eternal Servitude - 02/05/2015 16:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 2 349

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 727

You deserved it 1 244

Not so Karate Kid

By Matthew - 09/03/2020 19:00 - United States - Juneau

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 308

It says a lot of shit

By Imnotfromhere - 26/06/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, I showed up to work with a hickey on my neck and found out my boss is very Christian. He wasted my entire lunch break ranting to me about how the Bible says i shouldn't be having sex before marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 269

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:35

why would they turn off the whole neighborhoods water? can't they just shut off your neighbors?

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:37

I've personally wanted to live in a zoo ever since I first watched Madagascar.

Comments

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:35

why would they turn off the whole neighborhoods water? can't they just shut off your neighbors?

ERIKER 11

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:41

It's Russia, Of course can't

Futacy 29

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Friday 15 July 2011 0:16

Congratulations, the water company is run by dumbasses

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Friday 15 July 2011 0:26

in Soviet Russia, water shuts YOU off

Drigr 9

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:00

why would not having water for a day mean you smell like a zoo animal? if its THAT bad it's not just from today dude

dolphincheddar 10

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:17

is that bad in Russia? some places ive been it's quite attractive. they even made a cologne for it. it gets the ladies 50% of the time, allll the time.

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Friday 15 July 2011 3:21

Water you doing to my boiler?

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:37

I've personally wanted to live in a zoo ever since I first watched Madagascar.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:08

*Lame hipster voice* I've wanted to live in a zoo before they were invented, but now I use a xoo, a product from apple that let's me experience a zoo, virtually.

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Friday 15 July 2011 2:23

lol #27 and I feel sorry for you OP

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Friday 15 July 2011 6:23

27- You mean an iXoo?

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Friday 15 July 2011 7:54

Guys, let's get serious. Madagascar is like, the best damn movie out there. XD

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:44

In Soviet Russia...actually all Soviet Russian jokes have been obsolete since 1991. I'm sure the boiler will be fixed soon so don't worry.

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Friday 15 July 2011 0:55

that's why the joke starts with "In soviet Russia..." that's the proper why to say it.

Glad2BHisWife 1

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:02

please send this comment to call of duty

Delta2Almanac 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:02

In Mother Russia water shut off you!

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Friday 15 July 2011 2:20

In Soviet Russia, Soviet Russia jokes still exist!

StudMuffinette 17

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:45

Aww, that really sucks. FYL

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Saturday 11 January 2014 21:57

There happens to be this little button up top that says "I agree, your life sucks" USE IT. Thank you.

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:47

At least you're not the only one who smells like a zoo animal, your whole neighbourhood does!

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 15 July 2011 7:03

They could start a circus!

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Friday 15 July 2011 8:46

sounds like a fun carpool ride to me xD

raphanne_fml 33

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:49

Well, you just have to pray that your neighbor doesn't blow a fuse or break his heating in winter.... FYL

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:49

i broke my ankle a month ago, i could only shower once a week, at most!

toelie 25

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:59

Did you wash in the mean time?

raphanne_fml 33

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:48

Er... I broke my ankle and my fist once, I could still shower everyday!!! Just have to put a plastic bag on your cast!

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:54

why not go to a public bath... ( well iI there is one)

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:55

if

perdix 29

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Thursday 14 July 2011 23:55

Sounds like a great excuse to drink a shitload of vodka. Or bathe in it.

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Friday 15 July 2011 0:03

Go to the park and take a bath in the fountain with the animals.

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Friday 15 July 2011 8:22

and the homeless lol

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 47

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 38