Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML
Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, I woke up in a pool of what felt like sweat and tears. Little did I realize, my then-girlfriend had snuck into the house and drenched me in salty water to get me back for kissing her sister. I guess we're even now. FML
Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML
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Top comments
aback 5
Kid's lucky you're not one of those who wake up swinging. Buy her something nice and give her a big hug as an apology.
Stupidpeopleanno 5
You never know if she was trying to sneak attack you. I salute you for being on your guard even in the midst of sleep!
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Comments (111)
Gummybears4life 0
That's terrible! Poor baby! :( you suck OP
rallets 23
POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSER!!
aardvarkish 17
19 does have a point...
rallets 23
see, you got me
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Awe that little kid sounds so cuteee(: **** you op(:
Buchitoo 4
Lmao 19 awesome reference!!!!
pvthill 0
19 epic win
UrCommentsSuck 0
Completely justifiable, op. That stupid baby should just be glad that you didn't report her for sexual molestation. Let's see her try and get into a good kindergarten with THAT on her record!
ImRickJamesBish 0
Lmao! Best comment so far!!!
phatskaterduder 0
WIN!!!!
FMLchill 0
77 nice ****, I would like to suck on those
viper2426 0
id like to lick your **** girl
ChaCerCam 14
she's not terrible unless she didn't comfort her afterward, I've made really sad three year olds into happy ones by giving them high-fives.It usually shouldn't take to much effort.
Chris5146 3
I'm a douchebag.
justnbieber 0
win
cusof 0
fail
CaptainJ1000 1
Agreed
IgnorantAmerican 0
Indeed
Nutz321 0
what
gatorclay97 28
Penis
lyncecelia 13
wow. poor kid! how could you not tell the difference between a fly and a kiss?
dannyboy66 7
hes never been kissed before lol
shibbywan 0
OP is female
savy7093 9
your cat looks exactly like mine! and she loves being on my laptop!
gkings18 1
haha so weird my cats looks and does the same too!
haileyluvsyou001 0
Ikr that's terrible
iCreate 10
Ouuuuch, the poor thing:
aback 5
Kid's lucky you're not one of those who wake up swinging. Buy her something nice and give her a big hug as an apology.
Hockeyboy4280 18
I Lol'd at this
txgirl2013 14
that kid should have bitchslapped you
Stupidpeopleanno 5
You never know if she was trying to sneak attack you. I salute you for being on your guard even in the midst of sleep!
Jonkbaby 23
lol
FallonFerSure 6
lmfao
strawberrydreams 18
I can relate to the OP but damn... at least that's better than the FML about the woman who kicked her daughter off because she thought she was a cat. Poor baby though :(
christrex99 0
that ariel picture made me cum
strawberrydreams 18
What the ****? Ew!
adhchopper 0
You changed it? Damnit! I never got to see it
ghbetuehe 0
It should have ended with "She then threw up on my face. FML"
LightningLadyy 0
Being sweet? Sounds like she was creepin'.
WretchedOnyx 29
She's three in this FML. D: Cut her some slack