Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after...

By gabxoxo03 - 10/6/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

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Love

Double standards

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Night terrors

By kaitylait - 19/8/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

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By whipplewhip - 30/6/2013 04:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

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By Username - 17/7/2011 19:59 - United States

Today, after applying sunscreen to myself every two hours, I still got sunburned. Through my clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML

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By mighthavepaidfortwodates - 28/3/2019 22:00

Today, after an amazing date with a girl I like at a restaurant, I realized I foolishly forgot my wallet. When I returned, I spotted my date at another table on a date with a different guy. I also wasn’t able to find my wallet. FML

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2020

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By Meg93 - 26/6/2019 23:00

Today, I went to a concert for the first time in 5 years. I got all dressed up and even ended up hanging out with the band. The night came to a screeching halt when I got a migraine and ended up in the ER vomiting non-stop. I was in the hospital all night. FML

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By zerom - 23/7/2011 00:52 - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

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By dumbmotherinlaw - 6/7/2016 17:29 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

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By katie_sadface - 15/10/2012 02:19 - Canada

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

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By HassledAirfarer - 7/12/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an inconsiderate selfish bitch. FML

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By still had to pay - 23/12/2012 21:36 - Australia

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

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By WorryNot - 29/12/2016 01:22 - United States - Prescott

Today, I accidentally left a small but very important piece of my breast pump at home. Only ten more hours until the end of my shift. FML

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5697

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By Just Lonely - 4/9/2016 05:04 - United States - La Place

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2016 22:13 - United States - Newcastle

Today, it's my 7-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I was excited so I asked him what day it was and he said, "Wednesday?" FML

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By Jeff - 12/6/2019 14:00

Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML

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648

You deserved it

2717

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 17:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I bleached my hair. Not only did it fry, it also has a very noticeable green tint and because of the damage, I can't dye it again for a while. Now I keep getting asked "Why so serious?" by my friends. FML

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12337

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2016 02:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

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14152

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By fUcKOAHdSAjl - 16/8/2013 18:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML

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By jesus fuck - 19/12/2018 13:30

Today, I got my 1 year old daughter vaccinated. My wife tried to leave me because she's "never felt more betrayed". FML

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3910

Phew, glad it wasn't me

471

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By MrsFart - 18/8/2018 01:30

RIP

Today, I thought I was all alone in the class, so I lifted up my leg and ripped a huge fart. One of my students was still in there. He told everybody. FML

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2526

You deserved it

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By nosleep - 30/6/2017 16:46

Today, like every other day since I moved into this apartment a year ago, the construction crew started their noisy work at 5:30 in the morning. When I moved in I was promised it was a quiet neighborhood; only offices. What have they been building in the meantime? Three nightclubs. FML

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By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

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By CARnage - 21/5/2010 10:11 - Australia

Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

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By Rajin - 23/3/2009 20:38 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

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By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML.

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By Punphmelch - 26/3/2014 08:45 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

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By craigtm029429 - 2/3/2012 00:47 - United States

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

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By xmassmasher - 2/12/2014 07:52 - United States - Ruston

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

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32680

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By advanced history teacher - 27/4/2015 04:58 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I asked my class to name some West African countries. Several of them thought Ebola was a country. I teach an AP history class. FML

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By stuck - 23/3/2015 15:51 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

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By - 7/2/2020 18:00

Bachelor party

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

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2909

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By Crawling - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

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By Byron fiddles - 24/2/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

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By raven_of_azarath - 19/6/2019 12:23

Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML

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1434

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By Takuma - 20/5/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

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21507

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

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34394

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By sk8rgurl - 28/6/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I was testing for figure skating. I was wearing a brand new custom dress that was a halter top. On my first move, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Immediately after retaking the move, my dress snapped open, exposing myself to the judges. FML

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By el211 - 15/3/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend ran accidentally head-first into my face and left me with a giant black eye. My mother is convinced I had a seizure in a park somewhere and won't listen when I tell her she's wrong, and everyone else thinks my boyfriend is abusive. FML

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By anonymous - 27/2/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

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Top comments

By Chrispayne | 4

#2656976 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Dude looks like a lady

By Crazy_Toss3R | 0

#2656956 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

kinky

Comments

By Crazy_Toss3R | 0

#2656956 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

kinky

airs_01 | 3

#2657065 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:59

you know things are bad when you mistake your girlfriend for a man.

ahhhFYL | 0

#2657103 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:09

well that's pretty awkward.

chuckychan | 8

#2657107 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:11

she like it?

redneck0328 | 5

#2657192 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:27

SOME WILL WIN!!! SOME WILL LOSE!!!

317theterrible | 0

#2657362 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:00

maybe the guy looked liked a girl from behind?

BeastNerd | 3

#2657367 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:01

Or that man looks like a girl from behind..

imacreeper | 3

#2657415 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:14

a nice icepack will go well with your black eye, OP.

arielhoee | 9

#2657479 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:25

Very kinky..did he wink and give you a smack on the ass afterwards?

scarletdragonfly | 5

#2657627 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:42

That would be so embarrassing!

Isn't is kinda bad that you mistakened your girlfriend for a man?

WALLOOP | 6

#2657643 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:44

EvilPotato | 14

#2657788 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:10

don't lie OP that was your plan all along.

smh33 | 0

#2657912 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:39

dude how do you not know who your girlfriend is? worse of all she must be ugly if you confused her for a dude

Darth_Naru | 0

#2657944 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:43

was it a he-she? or is your girl a she-he?

PurpleRae420 | 0

#2657969 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:48

o.O

braasilianx0 | 4

#2658047 - Saturday 11 June 2011 4:02

does your girl look like a man ?! o my

EvilPotato | 14

#2658294 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:11

I'm giving putplerae's comment a few more minutes before it's gone.

EvilPotato | 14

#2658301 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:13

*purplerae's*

The_Weirdo | 10

#2658432 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:47

Bitch gotta penis!

YDI__Bitch | 0

#2659031 - Saturday 11 June 2011 6:54

well did he get into to it? because OP did not pull out so he obviously did.

braasilianx0 | 4

#2659212 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:27

oh, OP might just be a girl.

sandi315 | 0

#2659588 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:43

If ur gf looked like braasillianxO the that was one hot guy

iAppTime | 0

#2659594 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:48

what's wrong with that comment?

Coconutscyclone | 0

#2660345 - Saturday 11 June 2011 14:37

Everything

dlohoh978 | 8

#2660603 - Saturday 11 June 2011 16:03

and some just sing the blues!

braasilianx0 | 4

#2661516 - Saturday 11 June 2011 17:01

Shy_Anne | 10

#2665029 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:42

ladyboys

lmBrown | 0

#2665114 - Sunday 12 June 2011 9:00

brassalian, everytime I look at ur photo I getta boner .

IronZombie | 0

#2730072 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 13:51

fyl op if ur gf looks like a man

Destro109 | 20

#5832448 - Sunday 19 January 2014 20:52

total fail

By krislia | 0

#2656958 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

Badshah29 | 6

#2659351 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:47

did he break your nose? or returned the favour?

Justforlolz | 13

#2660242 - Saturday 11 June 2011 13:59

2- was that short pointless comment your pathetic attempt to be first on here?

imnotcraZ | 0

#2664528 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:38

Justin beiber? you have an FML account?

livvyluvlaf | 8

#2668732 - Monday 13 June 2011 3:49

this is a girl's FML if no one noticed... so it's not that weird. just a nice kiss on the cheek for some lucky random guy!

GravyGuy | 11

#2682649 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:55

2 just revealed to us the meaning of life.

By Sebastian_NG | 17

#2656960 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

Well.... Did you like it???

salvorican | 24

#2657113 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:12

Get some op

kitkat98_fml | 0

#2657365 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:01

Big_Red_138 | 3

#2657513 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:27

Caught in a bad bromance

kingtz | 6

#2657749 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:05

At least it was human, right?

tae123 | 0

#2657985 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:51

93=win.

xxxmadyxxx | 0

#2659399 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:00

93, op could be a girl..

Kefka91 | 15

#2659470 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:22

hawt! I hope he returned the gesture :P

By Yuuki_mei | 0

#2656962 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:49

0-0

By crs121492 | 1

#2656964 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:49

Problem?

By thatyngboyryan | 1

#2656970 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

you cheated on ur girl with a guy ewww

instnt1nfction | 16

#2657083 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:04

if you go all homophobic again I will make you my bitch and send to the middle east to shove in a camel which I will bury in the Mediterranean Sea

thebadmanpuntedb | 7

#2657307 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:49

sounds like stu in the hangover 2 to me...

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2657351 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:59

26 was that supposed to be funny?

mismonroe | 0

#2657387 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:05

Because that's something people joke about? Think it was serious.

The_Weirdo | 10

#2658426 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:46

So making gay jokes is bad, but racist ones are alright? "sigh" You gotta lot to learn...

By Chrispayne | 4

#2656976 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Dude looks like a lady

sharkwkrox | 0

#2657206 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:28

AH...AH

womanjesus | 0

#2657481 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:25

nice one

SpazzyJazzy325 | 0

#2657593 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:37

dangit man you stole my comment

ripgeorgecarl1n | 7

#2658224 - Saturday 11 June 2011 4:52

Solid reference.

fml98kevin | 4

#2659108 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:07

thats awesome.

the_bass_man007 | 0

#2660377 - Saturday 11 June 2011 15:09

NANAH! NANAH!

muselover23 | 0

#2668793 - Monday 13 June 2011 4:19

that was the most genius comment!

0hs0unique | 0

#2683049 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:57

or maybe his lady looks like a dude

Purpleknott | 0

#3445516 - Monday 17 October 2011 16:44

From the back... :7

grovervac3000 | 15

#4096734 - Monday 27 February 2012 17:49

THATS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY!!! :) great minds think alike!

By carameldrizzle | 0

#2656979 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

how manly is your girlfriend?

liono152 | 0

#2657317 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:51

true how do you tell your girlfriend you kissed a guy...cuz you thought it was her

SpazzyJazzy325 | 0

#2657532 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:30

how girlie was that man? O_O

rhysfucker | 24

#2657758 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:06

makes one wonder; either manly girlfriend or a really fem guy..?

theUBERcomment | 1

#2666864 - Sunday 12 June 2011 20:08

transvestite

By iBeast10 | 1

#2656985 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

so your gf looks like a guy O.o

angeluscado | 15

#2657109 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:11

Or it could have been a really feminine dude.

thebadmanpuntedb | 7

#2657321 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:52

Or Justin Bieber...

LinTurk | 4

#2657452 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:22

Same Difference:)

fl0ffy | 0

#2657827 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:18

HAHAHA LMAO

MRSMOJORISIN_fml | 0

#2660301 - Saturday 11 June 2011 14:14

I second that...

By YacL | 15

#2656994 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:52

Hope your girlfriend wasn't around. Maybe she'll ask for a threesome, or break up with you. Or give you "the look".

EvilPotato | 14

#2658308 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:15

please describe in lots of detail what "the look" is.

xXshadowrollerXx | 6

#2658349 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:25

The world will never know.

YacL | 15

#2658365 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:27

You will only know what "the look" is once your girlfriend gives it to you.

kaykay9080 | 5

#2659122 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:10

Lol, and this is why I stick with girls, they aren't that cheesy.