Love: Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 70

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 37

10/06/2011 19:06

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 942

You deserved it 52 664

Love

Batman

Anxiety

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

07/04/2009 07:08

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 358

You deserved it 9 639

Helmut Newton strikes back

By badizzle - 15/09/2019 22:00

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 114

25/10/2008 16:56

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 798

You deserved it 6 442

11/08/2012 10:33

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 876

You deserved it 5 487

03/09/2017 23:15

Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 154

You deserved it 226

07/01/2013 21:27

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 117

You deserved it 7 939

23/04/2015 13:16

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 938

You deserved it 6 997

30/04/2017 02:00

Today, my elderly neighbor came crying to me about the horrible thing someone had done outside. I hurried out to find a big pile of dog shit with the head of Donald Trump stuck into it. I had to fake a coughing fit so she wouldn't realize I was laughing. I'm not sure I got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 868

You deserved it 819

12/01/2015 09:46

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 209

You deserved it 7 736

06/07/2019 20:04

Today, my friends kidnapped me as a surprise birthday prank, and threw me into my own car's trunk. As they drove the car to PF Chang's, I'm freaking out, blindfolded and hogtied. My car was low on gas, and they ran out on the highway. They left me in the car on I-275 for 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 731

You deserved it 180

Little git

By Anonymous - 29/12/2009 00:22

Today, I gave my 7-year-old a snowglobe. I had spent the last week deconstructing it, putting an action figure of his favorite cartoon character inside, and then putting it back together. Later, I find it smashed into pieces because he wanted to "play with the toy it came with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 524

You deserved it 7 280

09/09/2015 22:15

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 273

You deserved it 1 731

14/05/2012 12:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 591

You deserved it 23 416

09/05/2009 20:38

Today, I texted everyone in my phone to remind them mother's day is tomorrow. Everyone including the boy whose mom died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 901

You deserved it 81 475

Must be one hell of a novel

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 17:01

Today, after 3 years of writing a murder mystery novel that I was really proud of, my dad stole my notebook. He mistook it as my diary and turned it in to the police and apparently I can't have it back because it may be used as evidence. Some of the stories were inspired by real events. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 107

22/10/2013 21:02

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 309

You deserved it 2 759

03/08/2015 03:25

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 937

You deserved it 2 226

Miscommunication

By xoxo - 01/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 380

07/01/2010 14:45

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 014

You deserved it 2 691

28/12/2010 06:54

Today, I found out that my parents didn't come to my wedding not because they couldn't make it, but rather that my younger brother didn't want to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 454

You deserved it 2 555

28/03/2009 00:24

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 297

You deserved it 149 155

06/03/2010 05:14

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 644

You deserved it 4 799

19/09/2015 09:20

Today, my mother-in-law turned up at my doorstep close to midnight, drunk off her tits, crying about how my wife is punishing her and throwing her life away by marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 114

You deserved it 1 576

23/03/2018 01:30

Today, my psycho ex is threatening to take me to court on child abuse allegations. How did I abuse them? I “gendered” our children by buying them certain colored clothing and toys... that they’d asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 305

15/02/2011 21:24

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 377

You deserved it 3 392

27/02/2013 03:00

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 128

You deserved it 6 082

10/01/2013 23:11

Today, I went to the hospital with stomach pains. I found out I have mono, as well as a ruptured ovarian cyst, which may need surgery. I called my best friend for support, only for her to drunkenly yell at me for not being at her party, and that this could have waited till a better time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 265

You deserved it 3 841

13/01/2016 08:53

Today, I called my mom to make sure she could attend on the wedding day my fiancé and I had discussed. She started off with criticizing the venue we considered, then went on to criticize my fiancé, and then stated she would under no circumstances help out, but demanded to pick my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 403

You deserved it 1 586

01/06/2017 04:00

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 240

06/10/2014 19:12

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 438

You deserved it 13 773

10/03/2013 18:50

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 624

You deserved it 4 846

09/11/2008 09:18

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 630

You deserved it 13 818

31/08/2011 03:30

Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 695

You deserved it 3 939

Social distancing

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 05:01

Today, we celebrated our daughter's sixth birthday. Out of the 30 invited, 7 showed up. The last one to cancel this morning told us she was ill. My daughter was in tears as this meant the last remaining playmate couldn't come. My wife later saw her tagged on Facebook at another party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 349

06/12/2018 12:30

Today, I decided to try an online therapy site seeing as I have been feeling very lonely and don’t have any friends to talk to about my issues. After filling out all the initial forms, the site told me there was no one available to speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 195

20/12/2011 03:23

Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 6 863

15/08/2016 19:12

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 529

You deserved it 1 016

25/01/2014 01:34

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 824

You deserved it 6 492

15/05/2011 04:41

Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 564

You deserved it 26 701

04/02/2015 03:39

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 708

You deserved it 2 810

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Chrispayne 4

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Dude looks like a lady

Crazy_Toss3R 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

kinky

Comments

Crazy_Toss3R 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

kinky

airs_01 3

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:59

you know things are bad when you mistake your girlfriend for a man.

ahhhFYL 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:09

well that's pretty awkward.

chuckychan 8

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:11

she like it?

redneck0328 5

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:27

SOME WILL WIN!!! SOME WILL LOSE!!!

317theterrible 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:00

maybe the guy looked liked a girl from behind?

BeastNerd 3

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:01

Or that man looks like a girl from behind..

imacreeper 3

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:14

a nice icepack will go well with your black eye, OP.

arielhoee 9

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:25

Very kinky..did he wink and give you a smack on the ass afterwards?

scarletdragonfly 5

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:42

That would be so embarrassing! Isn't is kinda bad that you mistakened your girlfriend for a man?

WALLOOP 6

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:44

EvilPotato 14

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:10

don't lie OP that was your plan all along.

smh33 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:39

dude how do you not know who your girlfriend is? worse of all she must be ugly if you confused her for a dude

Darth_Naru 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:43

was it a he-she? or is your girl a she-he?

PurpleRae420 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:48

o.O

braasilianx0 4

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:02

does your girl look like a man ?! o my

EvilPotato 14

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:11

I'm giving putplerae's comment a few more minutes before it's gone.

EvilPotato 14

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:13

*purplerae's*

The_Weirdo 10

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:47

Bitch gotta penis!

YDI__Bitch 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 6:54

well did he get into to it? because OP did not pull out so he obviously did.

braasilianx0 4

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 7:27

oh, OP might just be a girl.

sandi315 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 8:43

If ur gf looked like braasillianxO the that was one hot guy

iAppTime 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 8:48

what's wrong with that comment?

Coconutscyclone 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 14:37

Everything

dlohoh978 8

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 16:03

and some just sing the blues!

braasilianx0 4

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 17:01

Shy_Anne 10

Send a private message

Sunday 12 June 2011 8:42

ladyboys

lmBrown 0

Send a private message

Sunday 12 June 2011 9:00

brassalian, everytime I look at ur photo I getta boner .

IronZombie 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 21 June 2011 13:51

fyl op if ur gf looks like a man

Destro109 20

Send a private message

Sunday 19 January 2014 20:52

total fail

krislia 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

Badshah29 6

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 7:47

did he break your nose? or returned the favour?

Justforlolz 14

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 13:59

2- was that short pointless comment your pathetic attempt to be first on here?

imnotcraZ 0

Send a private message

Sunday 12 June 2011 5:38

Justin beiber? you have an FML account?

livvyluvlaf 8

Send a private message

Monday 13 June 2011 3:49

this is a girl's FML if no one noticed... so it's not that weird. just a nice kiss on the cheek for some lucky random guy!

GravyGuy 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:55

2 just revealed to us the meaning of life.

Sebastian_NG 17

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

Well.... Did you like it???

salvorican 24

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:12

Get some op

kitkat98_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:01

Big_Red_138 3

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:27

Caught in a bad bromance

kingtz 6

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:05

At least it was human, right?

tae123 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:51

93=win.

xxxmadyxxx 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 8:00

93, op could be a girl..

Kefka91 15

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 8:22

hawt! I hope he returned the gesture :P

Yuuki_mei 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:49

0-0

crs121492 1

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:49

Problem?

thatyngboyryan 1

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

you cheated on ur girl with a guy ewww

instnt1nfction 17

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:04

if you go all homophobic again I will make you my bitch and send to the middle east to shove in a camel which I will bury in the Mediterranean Sea

thebadmanpuntedb 7

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:49

sounds like stu in the hangover 2 to me...

A7X_LoVeee 10

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:59

26 was that supposed to be funny?

mismonroe 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:05

Because that's something people joke about? Think it was serious.

The_Weirdo 10

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:46

So making gay jokes is bad, but racist ones are alright? "sigh" You gotta lot to learn...

Chrispayne 4

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Dude looks like a lady

sharkwkrox 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:28

AH...AH

womanjesus 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:25

nice one

SpazzyJazzy325 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:37

dangit man you stole my comment

ripgeorgecarl1n 7

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 4:52

Solid reference.

fml98kevin 4

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 7:07

thats awesome.

the_bass_man007 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 15:09

NANAH! NANAH!

muselover23 0

Send a private message

Monday 13 June 2011 4:19

that was the most genius comment!

0hs0unique 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:57

or maybe his lady looks like a dude

Purpleknott 0

Send a private message

Monday 17 October 2011 16:44

From the back... :7

grovervac3000 15

Send a private message

Monday 27 February 2012 17:49

THATS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY!!! :) great minds think alike!

carameldrizzle 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

how manly is your girlfriend?

liono152 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:51

true how do you tell your girlfriend you kissed a guy...cuz you thought it was her

SpazzyJazzy325 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:30

how girlie was that man? O_O

rhysfucker 24

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:06

makes one wonder; either manly girlfriend or a really fem guy..?

theUBERcomment 1

Send a private message

Sunday 12 June 2011 20:08

transvestite

iBeast10 1

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

so your gf looks like a guy O.o

angeluscado 15

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:11

Or it could have been a really feminine dude.

thebadmanpuntedb 7

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 1:52

Or Justin Bieber...

LinTurk 4

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 2:22

Same Difference:)

fl0ffy 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:18

HAHAHA LMAO

MRSMOJORISIN_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 14:14

I second that...

YacL 15

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 0:52

Hope your girlfriend wasn't around. Maybe she'll ask for a threesome, or break up with you. Or give you "the look".

EvilPotato 14

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:15

please describe in lots of detail what "the look" is.

xXshadowrollerXx 6

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:25

The world will never know.

YacL 15

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:27

You will only know what "the look" is once your girlfriend gives it to you.

kaykay9080 5

Send a private message

Saturday 11 June 2011 7:10

Lol, and this is why I stick with girls, they aren't that cheesy.