Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after...

By gabxoxo03 - 10/6/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

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Love

Messed up

Instadrama

Never flip flop and drive

By masterzach21 - 22/1/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

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By hearing too much - 3/11/2019 02:00

The sound of silence

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

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By Mightytall - 5/10/2019 20:00

It's always when your hands are full that your nose starts to itch

Today, I found the perfect position on the couch, both feet up comfortably and my two cats curled up in my lap. Then, my foot started to itch. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

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By Ew-dles - 9/9/2017 20:00

Today, I was finishing a bowl of ramen while watching a video. As I scooped up the last bits, I realized the clump of seasoning I had been saving for last was actually a dead fly. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

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By LunaRayne13 - 10/9/2020 08:02

Ghosted

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women asked me to stand up and take their picture. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2015 20:50 - United States - Saddle River

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 05:02

And probably giggling

Today, I realized our cat has a sixth sense for when he wants to be seen. When we don't care where the cat is, he's within plain sight. When we lose track of him and are in a panic worrying if he got out, he's hiding. FML

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By - 3/8/2017 05:00

#LurkerForLife

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 02:00

Impatience

Today, my dad asked me to help him buy a laptop by searching online. He explicitly said, "When you have time." I decided to shower as I had just woken up. While showering, I was startled by loud banging and my dad angrily asking why I wasn't looking for his laptop. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2015 13:51 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

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By flurina - 18/12/2009 20:44 - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

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By flipflap - 14/6/2015 06:35

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

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By sly - 25/10/2010 22:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to come over and surprise me. When he got to my apartment and heard the shower running, he decided get in and join me. I was walking my dog, my mother is in town for the weekend. FML

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By fishyrael - 12/11/2019 01:00

What he is thinking?

Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

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By Mandy - 17/9/2011 00:25 - Canada

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

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By tomtomcutiepoof - 13/3/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML

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By bandfuckup - 13/3/2017 00:00

Today, my band was playing its first serious gig. I was in the middle of a solo when a drunk guy tackled me, causing me to crash into the drums, breaking them and my guitar, hitting our drummer, knocking him out. FML

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By low_expectations - 19/8/2020 02:04

Zoom call from hell

Today, I was yelled at by my mom for not communicating to the rest of my family about the zoom call SHE planned and asked for. The call was to celebrate my birthday. Apparently, it was my responsibility to coordinate it. FML

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By Chelstable - 2/8/2016 17:57

Today, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I didn't get it from drinking, but rather from puking 6 times off the side of a fishing boat. Fishing was the one thing my husband wanted to do while on vacation, even though I'm 3 months pregnant and have a bad stomach. FML

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By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

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By unbirthday - 18/7/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I came downstairs to a cake that said "Happy 8th Birthday Bella!" My name is Sarah and I'm 16. Bella is our dog whose birthday is next month. FML

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By FavreFan99 - 1/1/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2016 17:04 - United States - Athena

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 09:07 - United States

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

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By good_aim - 27/7/2013 08:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2009 05:23 - Canada

Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML

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By Amb - 1/6/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

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By gjh - 19/1/2009 03:20 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to pull them all out. And no, I didn't get any. FML

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By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 18:50

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

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By Come on - 29/1/2012 00:46 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

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By JLoRd - 1/2/2009 14:40 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

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33746

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By anonymous - 14/5/2012 10:31 - United States - Havelock

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

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By teriyaki124 - 21/3/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, and when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart and I started crying and just said, "I'm gay." After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs and says, "Duh." FML

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By ouch - 17/9/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

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By nothingisreal69 - 1/3/2011 22:21 - Reserved

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

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Top comments

By Chrispayne | 4

#2656976 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Dude looks like a lady

By Crazy_Toss3R | 0

#2656956 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

kinky

COMMENTS

By Crazy_Toss3R | 0

#2656956 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

kinky

airs_01 | 3

#2657065 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:59

you know things are bad when you mistake your girlfriend for a man.

ahhhFYL | 0

#2657103 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:09

well that's pretty awkward.

chuckychan | 8

#2657107 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:11

she like it?

redneck0328 | 5

#2657192 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:27

SOME WILL WIN!!! SOME WILL LOSE!!!

317theterrible | 0

#2657362 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:00

maybe the guy looked liked a girl from behind?

BeastNerd | 3

#2657367 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:01

Or that man looks like a girl from behind..

imacreeper | 3

#2657415 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:14

a nice icepack will go well with your black eye, OP.

arielhoee | 9

#2657479 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:25

Very kinky..did he wink and give you a smack on the ass afterwards?

scarletdragonfly | 5

#2657627 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:42

That would be so embarrassing!

Isn't is kinda bad that you mistakened your girlfriend for a man?

WALLOOP | 6

#2657643 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:44

EvilPotato | 14

#2657788 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:10

don't lie OP that was your plan all along.

smh33 | 0

#2657912 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:39

dude how do you not know who your girlfriend is? worse of all she must be ugly if you confused her for a dude

Darth_Naru | 0

#2657944 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:43

was it a he-she? or is your girl a she-he?

PurpleRae420 | 0

#2657969 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:48

o.O

braasilianx0 | 4

#2658047 - Saturday 11 June 2011 4:02

does your girl look like a man ?! o my

EvilPotato | 14

#2658294 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:11

I'm giving putplerae's comment a few more minutes before it's gone.

EvilPotato | 14

#2658301 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:13

*purplerae's*

The_Weirdo | 10

#2658432 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:47

Bitch gotta penis!

YDI__Bitch | 0

#2659031 - Saturday 11 June 2011 6:54

well did he get into to it? because OP did not pull out so he obviously did.

braasilianx0 | 4

#2659212 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:27

oh, OP might just be a girl.

sandi315 | 0

#2659588 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:43

If ur gf looked like braasillianxO the that was one hot guy

iAppTime | 0

#2659594 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:48

what's wrong with that comment?

Coconutscyclone | 0

#2660345 - Saturday 11 June 2011 14:37

Everything

dlohoh978 | 8

#2660603 - Saturday 11 June 2011 16:03

and some just sing the blues!

braasilianx0 | 4

#2661516 - Saturday 11 June 2011 17:01

Shy_Anne | 10

#2665029 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:42

ladyboys

lmBrown | 0

#2665114 - Sunday 12 June 2011 9:00

brassalian, everytime I look at ur photo I getta boner .

IronZombie | 0

#2730072 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 13:51

fyl op if ur gf looks like a man

Destro109 | 20

#5832448 - Sunday 19 January 2014 20:52

total fail

By krislia | 0

#2656958 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

Badshah29 | 6

#2659351 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:47

did he break your nose? or returned the favour?

Justforlolz | 14

#2660242 - Saturday 11 June 2011 13:59

2- was that short pointless comment your pathetic attempt to be first on here?

imnotcraZ | 0

#2664528 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:38

Justin beiber? you have an FML account?

livvyluvlaf | 8

#2668732 - Monday 13 June 2011 3:49

this is a girl's FML if no one noticed... so it's not that weird. just a nice kiss on the cheek for some lucky random guy!

GravyGuy | 11

#2682649 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:55

2 just revealed to us the meaning of life.

By Sebastian_NG | 17

#2656960 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

Well.... Did you like it???

salvorican | 24

#2657113 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:12

Get some op

kitkat98_fml | 0

#2657365 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:01

Big_Red_138 | 3

#2657513 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:27

Caught in a bad bromance

kingtz | 6

#2657749 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:05

At least it was human, right?

tae123 | 0

#2657985 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:51

93=win.

xxxmadyxxx | 0

#2659399 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:00

93, op could be a girl..

Kefka91 | 15

#2659470 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:22

hawt! I hope he returned the gesture :P

By Yuuki_mei | 0

#2656962 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:49

0-0

By crs121492 | 1

#2656964 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:49

Problem?

By thatyngboyryan | 1

#2656970 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

you cheated on ur girl with a guy ewww

instnt1nfction | 17

#2657083 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:04

if you go all homophobic again I will make you my bitch and send to the middle east to shove in a camel which I will bury in the Mediterranean Sea

thebadmanpuntedb | 7

#2657307 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:49

sounds like stu in the hangover 2 to me...

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2657351 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:59

26 was that supposed to be funny?

mismonroe | 0

#2657387 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:05

Because that's something people joke about? Think it was serious.

The_Weirdo | 10

#2658426 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:46

So making gay jokes is bad, but racist ones are alright? "sigh" You gotta lot to learn...

By Chrispayne | 4

#2656976 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Dude looks like a lady

sharkwkrox | 0

#2657206 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:28

AH...AH

womanjesus | 0

#2657481 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:25

nice one

SpazzyJazzy325 | 0

#2657593 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:37

dangit man you stole my comment

ripgeorgecarl1n | 7

#2658224 - Saturday 11 June 2011 4:52

Solid reference.

fml98kevin | 4

#2659108 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:07

thats awesome.

the_bass_man007 | 0

#2660377 - Saturday 11 June 2011 15:09

NANAH! NANAH!

muselover23 | 0

#2668793 - Monday 13 June 2011 4:19

that was the most genius comment!

0hs0unique | 0

#2683049 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:57

or maybe his lady looks like a dude

Purpleknott | 0

#3445516 - Monday 17 October 2011 16:44

From the back... :7

grovervac3000 | 15

#4096734 - Monday 27 February 2012 17:49

THATS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY!!! :) great minds think alike!

By carameldrizzle | 0

#2656979 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

how manly is your girlfriend?

liono152 | 0

#2657317 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:51

true how do you tell your girlfriend you kissed a guy...cuz you thought it was her

SpazzyJazzy325 | 0

#2657532 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:30

how girlie was that man? O_O

rhysfucker | 24

#2657758 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:06

makes one wonder; either manly girlfriend or a really fem guy..?

theUBERcomment | 1

#2666864 - Sunday 12 June 2011 20:08

transvestite

By iBeast10 | 1

#2656985 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

so your gf looks like a guy O.o

angeluscado | 15

#2657109 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:11

Or it could have been a really feminine dude.

thebadmanpuntedb | 7

#2657321 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:52

Or Justin Bieber...

LinTurk | 4

#2657452 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:22

Same Difference:)

fl0ffy | 0

#2657827 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:18

HAHAHA LMAO

MRSMOJORISIN_fml | 0

#2660301 - Saturday 11 June 2011 14:14

I second that...

By YacL | 15

#2656994 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:52

Hope your girlfriend wasn't around. Maybe she'll ask for a threesome, or break up with you. Or give you "the look".

EvilPotato | 14

#2658308 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:15

please describe in lots of detail what "the look" is.

xXshadowrollerXx | 6

#2658349 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:25

The world will never know.

YacL | 15

#2658365 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:27

You will only know what "the look" is once your girlfriend gives it to you.

kaykay9080 | 5

#2659122 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:10

Lol, and this is why I stick with girls, they aren't that cheesy.