Love: Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after...

By gabxoxo03 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23936

You deserved it

52641

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Love

Very fishy

Grow up

No smoking

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. I presented her with an oil painting of her that I'd been working on for over a month, and she started to cry. I thought it was because she liked it, until she asked if she really looks that ugly and disproportionate in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30888

You deserved it

3843

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By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? My boss didn't like that my manager and I are friends outside of work, and he thinks we are sleeping together. She's gay and I live with my boyfriend of 5 years. He blamed it on me wearing the wrong shoes 3 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2322

You deserved it

148

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By frankkathy - United States

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34315

You deserved it

19352

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26846

You deserved it

4077

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 21:32 - India

Knock next time please

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

783

You deserved it

626

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By blue - United Kingdom - London

Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26120

You deserved it

2337

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By Fucked - United States

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14515

You deserved it

40677

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By Lizzie - United States - Rockford

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21437

You deserved it

53146

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By Wickls - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9093

You deserved it

29237

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By meghandix89 - United States

Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9629

You deserved it

702

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21345

You deserved it

81523

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By whythebunny - United States - Bastrop

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23621

You deserved it

2329

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By Crabcake - United States - Brooklyn

Fancy a snatch? A *snack, sorry.

Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3084

You deserved it

919

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By Charles Pennington - United States

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31770

You deserved it

3338

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By Rakayla - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2172

You deserved it

215

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By Anonymous - United States

Beat It

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1567

You deserved it

165

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By Lee - United States

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25656

You deserved it

2909

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By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50511

You deserved it

5546

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbia City

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house after working a night shift. The door was locked and, so I wouldn't wake his parents, I called him. Twelve times. Each call went to voicemail and I was left standing outside in the freezing rain until he finally let me in. What was he doing? Playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6740

You deserved it

1144

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By Username - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31073

You deserved it

3272

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By Zanovitch - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47959

You deserved it

4255

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By The L word - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29815

You deserved it

6240

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By gonnabeunemployed

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8986

You deserved it

1691

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By thanks.

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7851

You deserved it

797

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By Marona - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, after a discussion, my boyfriend said, "I think it's time you found somebody better." After I gave him a look, he continued, "For me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30956

You deserved it

2770

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By emergency - Canada

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22174

You deserved it

2571

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By Anonymous

Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1741

You deserved it

525

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By pool party - United States - Rockford

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33251

You deserved it

58907

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By cargaljen - United States

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26765

You deserved it

4958

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By Anonymous - United States - Mio

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15506

You deserved it

1408

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By Steven, Customer Service - United States - Dover Plains

"Hey, where the white women at?"

Today, I took a call from a man who said his dating apps are connecting him with "black and oriental women" when he only wants white women. I spent 47 minutes on the phone with this customer trying to explain that I am only an AT&T Service Rep and have no control over any dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6744

You deserved it

438

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By Anonymous - United States - Brenham

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31231

You deserved it

3238

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By Badam - France - Geaune

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48116

You deserved it

4073

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By Jack Faire

Today, I sat down to do my taxes. As I was going over my forms, I found my employer only took $1.72 out the entire year for my Federal Income Taxes. I now owe the IRS over $500 that I don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2260

You deserved it

567

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply: "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13406

You deserved it

45968

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 14:00

So selfish

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1691

You deserved it

102

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35777

You deserved it

3723

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By guyshithappensto - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13085

You deserved it

41617

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By limpdick9 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35192

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a customer dumped a hot chocolate on me and yelled, saying it wasn't his order. The order actually belonged to a 4-year-old boy with the same name who started screaming when he didn't get his chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7734

You deserved it

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Top comments

By Chrispayne | 4

#2656976 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Dude looks like a lady

By Crazy_Toss3R | 0

#2656956 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

kinky

COMMENTS

By Crazy_Toss3R | 0

#2656956 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

kinky

airs_01 | 3

#2657065 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:59

you know things are bad when you mistake your girlfriend for a man.

ahhhFYL | 0

#2657103 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:09

well that's pretty awkward.

chuckychan | 8

#2657107 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:11

she like it?

redneck0328 | 5

#2657192 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:27

SOME WILL WIN!!! SOME WILL LOSE!!!

317theterrible | 0

#2657362 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:00

maybe the guy looked liked a girl from behind?

BeastNerd | 3

#2657367 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:01

Or that man looks like a girl from behind..

imacreeper | 3

#2657415 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:14

a nice icepack will go well with your black eye, OP.

arielhoee | 9

#2657479 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:25

Very kinky..did he wink and give you a smack on the ass afterwards?

scarletdragonfly | 5

#2657627 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:42

That would be so embarrassing!

Isn't is kinda bad that you mistakened your girlfriend for a man?

WALLOOP | 6

#2657643 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:44

EvilPotato | 14

#2657788 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:10

don't lie OP that was your plan all along.

smh33 | 0

#2657912 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:39

dude how do you not know who your girlfriend is? worse of all she must be ugly if you confused her for a dude

Darth_Naru | 0

#2657944 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:43

was it a he-she? or is your girl a she-he?

PurpleRae420 | 0

#2657969 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:48

o.O

braasilianx0 | 4

#2658047 - Saturday 11 June 2011 4:02

does your girl look like a man ?! o my

EvilPotato | 14

#2658294 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:11

I'm giving putplerae's comment a few more minutes before it's gone.

EvilPotato | 14

#2658301 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:13

*purplerae's*

The_Weirdo | 10

#2658432 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:47

Bitch gotta penis!

YDI__Bitch | 0

#2659031 - Saturday 11 June 2011 6:54

well did he get into to it? because OP did not pull out so he obviously did.

braasilianx0 | 4

#2659212 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:27

oh, OP might just be a girl.

sandi315 | 0

#2659588 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:43

If ur gf looked like braasillianxO the that was one hot guy

iAppTime | 0

#2659594 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:48

what's wrong with that comment?

Coconutscyclone | 0

#2660345 - Saturday 11 June 2011 14:37

Everything

dlohoh978 | 8

#2660603 - Saturday 11 June 2011 16:03

and some just sing the blues!

braasilianx0 | 4

#2661516 - Saturday 11 June 2011 17:01

Shy_Anne | 10

#2665029 - Sunday 12 June 2011 8:42

ladyboys

lmBrown | 0

#2665114 - Sunday 12 June 2011 9:00

brassalian, everytime I look at ur photo I getta boner .

IronZombie | 0

#2730072 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 13:51

fyl op if ur gf looks like a man

Destro109 | 20

#5832448 - Sunday 19 January 2014 20:52

total fail

By krislia | 0

#2656958 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

Badshah29 | 6

#2659351 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:47

did he break your nose? or returned the favour?

Justforlolz | 14

#2660242 - Saturday 11 June 2011 13:59

2- was that short pointless comment your pathetic attempt to be first on here?

imnotcraZ | 0

#2664528 - Sunday 12 June 2011 5:38

Justin beiber? you have an FML account?

livvyluvlaf | 8

#2668732 - Monday 13 June 2011 3:49

this is a girl's FML if no one noticed... so it's not that weird. just a nice kiss on the cheek for some lucky random guy!

GravyGuy | 11

#2682649 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:55

2 just revealed to us the meaning of life.

By Sebastian_NG | 17

#2656960 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:48

Well.... Did you like it???

salvorican | 24

#2657113 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:12

Get some op

kitkat98_fml | 0

#2657365 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:01

Big_Red_138 | 3

#2657513 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:27

Caught in a bad bromance

kingtz | 6

#2657749 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:05

At least it was human, right?

tae123 | 0

#2657985 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:51

93=win.

xxxmadyxxx | 0

#2659399 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:00

93, op could be a girl..

Kefka91 | 15

#2659470 - Saturday 11 June 2011 8:22

hawt! I hope he returned the gesture :P

By Yuuki_mei | 0

#2656962 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:49

0-0

By crs121492 | 1

#2656964 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:49

Problem?

By thatyngboyryan | 1

#2656970 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

you cheated on ur girl with a guy ewww

instnt1nfction | 17

#2657083 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:04

if you go all homophobic again I will make you my bitch and send to the middle east to shove in a camel which I will bury in the Mediterranean Sea

thebadmanpuntedb | 7

#2657307 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:49

sounds like stu in the hangover 2 to me...

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#2657351 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:59

26 was that supposed to be funny?

mismonroe | 0

#2657387 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:05

Because that's something people joke about? Think it was serious.

The_Weirdo | 10

#2658426 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:46

So making gay jokes is bad, but racist ones are alright? "sigh" You gotta lot to learn...

By Chrispayne | 4

#2656976 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:50

Dude looks like a lady

sharkwkrox | 0

#2657206 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:28

AH...AH

womanjesus | 0

#2657481 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:25

nice one

SpazzyJazzy325 | 0

#2657593 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:37

dangit man you stole my comment

ripgeorgecarl1n | 7

#2658224 - Saturday 11 June 2011 4:52

Solid reference.

fml98kevin | 4

#2659108 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:07

thats awesome.

the_bass_man007 | 0

#2660377 - Saturday 11 June 2011 15:09

NANAH! NANAH!

muselover23 | 0

#2668793 - Monday 13 June 2011 4:19

that was the most genius comment!

0hs0unique | 0

#2683049 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:57

or maybe his lady looks like a dude

Purpleknott | 0

#3445516 - Monday 17 October 2011 16:44

From the back... :7

grovervac3000 | 15

#4096734 - Monday 27 February 2012 17:49

THATS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY!!! :) great minds think alike!

By carameldrizzle | 0

#2656979 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

how manly is your girlfriend?

liono152 | 0

#2657317 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:51

true how do you tell your girlfriend you kissed a guy...cuz you thought it was her

SpazzyJazzy325 | 0

#2657532 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:30

how girlie was that man? O_O

rhysfucker | 24

#2657758 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:06

makes one wonder; either manly girlfriend or a really fem guy..?

theUBERcomment | 1

#2666864 - Sunday 12 June 2011 20:08

transvestite

By iBeast10 | 1

#2656985 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:51

so your gf looks like a guy O.o

angeluscado | 15

#2657109 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:11

Or it could have been a really feminine dude.

thebadmanpuntedb | 7

#2657321 - Saturday 11 June 2011 1:52

Or Justin Bieber...

LinTurk | 4

#2657452 - Saturday 11 June 2011 2:22

Same Difference:)

fl0ffy | 0

#2657827 - Saturday 11 June 2011 3:18

HAHAHA LMAO

MRSMOJORISIN_fml | 0

#2660301 - Saturday 11 June 2011 14:14

I second that...

By YacL | 15

#2656994 - Saturday 11 June 2011 0:52

Hope your girlfriend wasn't around. Maybe she'll ask for a threesome, or break up with you. Or give you "the look".

EvilPotato | 14

#2658308 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:15

please describe in lots of detail what "the look" is.

xXshadowrollerXx | 6

#2658349 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:25

The world will never know.

YacL | 15

#2658365 - Saturday 11 June 2011 5:27

You will only know what "the look" is once your girlfriend gives it to you.

kaykay9080 | 5

#2659122 - Saturday 11 June 2011 7:10

Lol, and this is why I stick with girls, they aren't that cheesy.