Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
marcusaurelius 0
**** YOU EDWARD CULLEN!
marcusaurelius 0
seriously you should have been like, "Jokes on you, I really am one" and bit the shit out of her neck...
chewyy_fml 0
that bitch has been watching Twilight too often.
MCofpwnage 0
twilights had a real representation of vampires so shut the hell up critics, even though the books itself sucks. But it sounds like she's a real ass. If you really wanna keep than show her the twilight version of "**** in my pants" and tell her that's how you feel about her. lol
lifeislife_fml 0
Twilight, if this is about Twilight, is probably the most ******* retarded book I've ever read.
lifeislife_fml 0
#470: "Twilighters don't want cold hard facts thrown in their faces. They want sparkly fangs thrown in their necks." Genius.
fcked 0
suck her blood. haha. what a werido
Silas_fml 0
#478 - Thank you, thank you, I'll be here for the rest of eternity. Because that's how long this goddamn craze is going to last. Although, I do believe we must throw a bit of this acknowledgment of genius on to #474. What say you? Also, I believe we must shine the 'complete ******* retard' light onto #476. Real representation of Vampires? Must I say more?
padfoot_fml 0
just another reason to hate twilight, the first being that it stole Harry Potter's thunder
ohitsali 0
dude, she's obviously psychotic if she's going to leave a REAL and perfectly decent guy because she's too fixated on "Edward". good riddance, if you ask me. but still, FYL, indeed.