Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a... - FML

By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55997

You deserved it

33164

Tweet

Share

The best cat

Everyone's an expert

Compassion

By BannedfromFriend - 20/5/2015 23:21 - United States

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24731

You deserved it

10826

Tweet

Share

By Got_any_grapes1 - 11/4/2011 17:23 - United States

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40292

You deserved it

20163

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 14:10 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26862

You deserved it

3523

Tweet

Share

By Nick Pat - 30/9/2015 13:13

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25531

You deserved it

2920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20851

You deserved it

62140

Tweet

Share

By Caz - 10/9/2018 20:30

Today, I got on the Megabus for a 6-hour journey from London to Plymouth. I then realised I'd forgotten to fill up my water bottle and charge my iPod. It's a fully packed, sweaty hot loud coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2244

You deserved it

1259

Tweet

Share

By coltsfoot - 23/5/2010 09:08 - Norway

Today, while having sex with the guy I have seen for about 3 years, he answered the phone. I found out that he had a girlfriend while he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47155

You deserved it

7052

Tweet

Share

By blarg - 30/1/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13930

You deserved it

27397

Tweet

Share

By not even interested - 15/10/2017 16:00

Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4073

You deserved it

191

Tweet

Share

By MafiaWarsWidow - 5/2/2010 01:35 - Australia

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27331

You deserved it

5444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2742

You deserved it

576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2011 17:16 - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26567

You deserved it

5542

Tweet

Share

By sleepy - 3/1/2011 02:58 - Norway

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26561

You deserved it

3763

Tweet

Share

By Alex - 7/3/2012 00:34 - United States

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34465

You deserved it

2086

Tweet

Share

By claubea11 - 1/1/2014 05:17 - Puerto Rico - Ponce

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40650

You deserved it

13655

Tweet

Share

By Reihna - 15/10/2012 13:10 - United States - Marion

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26338

You deserved it

4098

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/1/2016 10:50 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was at a very important meeting with a client and I had to use the bathroom. I was so nervous that I squirted white soap all up my suit jacket. My client walked in and commented on my "jizzy" blazer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19994

You deserved it

2085

Tweet

Share

By mbesameh - 11/6/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43589

You deserved it

6216

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 13/3/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13456

You deserved it

75685

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/3/2016 12:20 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I forgot my phone on the roof of my car. I took a 30 minute drive from my friend's city to my city. I got on to my driveway, surprised to see my phone still there. Thinking I'm really lucky, I pick up my phone. Then, I trip over a pebble, cracking my phone in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25792

You deserved it

4292

Tweet

Share

By FML - 8/11/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad drove me to work which is an hour away. 20 minutes into the job, I was told 'Didn't we tell you last week? We let you go.' Clearly, no, they didn't. I had to wait one awkward hour, with my colleagues who knew I was fired before I did, for my dad to collect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32251

You deserved it

2290

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my son's PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11960

You deserved it

52006

Tweet

Share

By marriageblows - 22/1/2012 02:18 - United States

Today, I had the day off from work. I did all the chores hoping to free up time to spend with my husband tonight. When he came home, he looked around and decided that since there was no need for him to stick around and help clean, he'd head to the bar to watch the game with the guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28998

You deserved it

3747

Tweet

Share

By myheart75 - 7/8/2011 09:52 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31415

You deserved it

5846

Tweet

Share

By EmbarrassedWife - 10/1/2019 04:00

Today, I texted my husband saying, “No sex tonight, it’s a bloodbath” and realized it was in a group chat with his parents, not directly to him like I'd intended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2266

You deserved it

1813

Tweet

Share

By Lucy - 6/3/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26877

You deserved it

2574

Tweet

Share

By Brennan Lebrun - 18/5/2018 05:00

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

4760

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By Fmyapp - 2/12/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12462

You deserved it

45921

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25564

You deserved it

7536

Tweet

Share

By I am not amused! - 3/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41399

You deserved it

3615

Tweet

Share

By DB - 23/2/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16694

You deserved it

61160

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47301

You deserved it

2870

Tweet

Share

By Username - 1/2/2011 15:40

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33257

You deserved it

5839

Tweet

Share

By face - 25/3/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71992

You deserved it

10599

Tweet

Share

By Chiiii - 15/11/2017 01:30

Today, I got home from working abroad for 8 months and opened my post. I'm being taken to court over 3 parking tickets my mum didn't tell me she'd gotten using my car. If we lose, my credit score is affected for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4192

You deserved it

281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 01:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33654

You deserved it

3042

Tweet

Share

By Ruby Lore - 20/7/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5390

You deserved it

316

Tweet

Share

By dentistftw - 8/8/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, was my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48829

You deserved it

2879

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/10/2010 08:30 - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38769

You deserved it

3668

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/5/2019 06:14

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1958

You deserved it

159

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#73294 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

did you look good half naked? if you did, who cares!

By hotlips15 | 0

#73292 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao did anyone see?

Comments

By hotlips15 | 0

#73292 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao did anyone see?

Reply

Gibby_fml | 0

#907972 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 18:04

YDI for being stupid enough to think the string on your jacket was a bee. that takes a special kind of stupid.

Reply

daniisme | 0

#964868 - Saturday 20 March 2010 10:41

if their highly allergic, then I can understand. I freak out about bugs all the time.

And ur stupid for replying 2 first comment just 2 b on top.

Reply

nirvanafan980 | 0

#1215278 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 2:23

139 ur stupid.

Reply

Loosechange | 0

#1724641 - Friday 19 November 2010 22:30

How is 139 stupid all they did was reply to the person who replied to one, the person who replied to one is the stupid person.

Reply

vtoslayer_fml | 8

#2524227 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 19:31

you're stupid because you don't know the difference between 'their' and 'they're'

Reply

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2858552 - Sunday 10 July 2011 2:42

everyones stupid problem solved

Reply

Volke | 4

#3109864 - Monday 15 August 2011 2:23

Thank you

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#73294 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

did you look good half naked? if you did, who cares!

Reply

Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3263618 - Friday 9 September 2011 19:47

Op is still retarded for freaking out that much. I'm allergic to wasps and when I see one I just kill it..

Reply

9echo | 17

#5951199 - Tuesday 20 May 2014 15:32

Let's just say there was a buzz in town...

By emery52 | 0

#73295 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

HAHAHAHA

By emery52 | 0

#73296 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

HAHAHAHA

By iiteddy | 0

#73299 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao nicee

By Mallika | 0

#73302 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:03

wow this is like the fakest fml i have ever read. how the hell do you RIP OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES?!

By ohhboyy | 0

#73303 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:03

yeah agreed #6

By newb_01 | 0

#73304 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:04

dumb blonde is my guess.

By nununu_fml | 0

#73317 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

niiiice hahaha

By Iceman101101 | 0

#73319 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

i agree thius is stuupid and sounds rlly fake!