Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a... - FML

By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

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Social distancing gone wrong

Not gonna happen

Great guy

By ditsy - 15/7/2010 09:17 - United States

Today, I was on webcam for the first time with a guy I've been texting for a while. Trying to show off my guitar skills, I lean down to pick it up and fell on my face. FML

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By dadyoureacunt - 21/9/2013 13:10 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

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By holycommander - 26/3/2013 20:20 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

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By copshop - 10/11/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

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By youlyingjerk - 1/2/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

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By Andrew - 28/8/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

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By Iamlonesometonight - 26/3/2017 18:47

Today, my now-ex dumped me at a house party, which I then couldn't leave, as all my things were at his house, where I was meant to be staying. FML

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By etahrabayraa - 27/6/2020 08:08

Instadrama

Today, I was stalking a popular girl from my high school's account and my phone went bonkers. It looks like I liked and disliked the same video of hers over and over. I disabled my Instagram account. FML

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By Wtfbro - 24/12/2013 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

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By karma - 28/1/2009 18:36 - Canada

First!

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

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By ohhmydamn - 31/7/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

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By Lex - 12/5/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2013 17:23 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a girl who's in charge of a group project that I get graded on, asked if Bill Gates was a Founding Father. She was totally serious. I'm screwed. FML

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By Happyforeverx - 25/10/2009 15:30 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I kept restarting my internet, wondering why I wasn't receiving any messages from my friends. Then I realized they were all ignoring me. FML

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By shit.jpg - 25/8/2015 19:22 - United States - Waban

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 16:29

Today, I dyed my hair for the first time. It turned out great, and I couldn't wait to show it off during my night out with my friends. Everyone was so shocked or disgusted, I ended up claiming I lost a bet. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2013 16:14 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2012 14:20 - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2016 21:03 - United States - Newport

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2019 00:01

Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2014 15:35 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

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By xXx - 16/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

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By Tourist - 26/3/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

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By dez - 16/10/2016 05:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't have an email, I have a Gmail." FML

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By :/ - 4/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2015 12:23 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML

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By coveholli - 15/11/2014 14:43 - Australia - Perth

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only did his phone go flat before I found him, but we were at totally different bars. FML

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By TANT - 22/3/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2014 11:35 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

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By CapeRanger - 4/10/2009 18:13 - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

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By JustShutUp - 27/7/2016 18:40

Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML

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By Sailorjoe - 25/8/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I had to take out the trash at work and I kept trying to throw it in the dumpster. After five tries I finally made it in. I was feeling pretty good since the bag was heavy. That was until I turned around and saw about 30 of my coworkers applauding and laughing at me. FML

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By callmeclarence - 23/6/2014 05:41 - United States - Valencia

Today, I took my clothes off for a shower at an RV campsite. I started running the water when I noticed there was a pack of hornets in the bathroom. I stood there, stark naked, waiting for a chance to get out, for four hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2011 10:40 - Australia

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

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By mysidesaresplitting - 14/12/2012 06:44 - United States - Oxford

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

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By WTFFAIL - 3/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

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By 99jellybean - 26/1/2016 03:02 - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

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By TooFast - 21/7/2019 02:00 - Australia - Mount Druitt

Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

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Top comments

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#73294 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

did you look good half naked? if you did, who cares!

By hotlips15 | 0

#73292 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao did anyone see?

COMMENTS

By hotlips15 | 0

#73292 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao did anyone see?

Reply

Gibby_fml | 0

#907972 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 18:04

YDI for being stupid enough to think the string on your jacket was a bee. that takes a special kind of stupid.

Reply

daniisme | 0

#964868 - Saturday 20 March 2010 10:41

if their highly allergic, then I can understand. I freak out about bugs all the time.

And ur stupid for replying 2 first comment just 2 b on top.

Reply

nirvanafan980 | 0

#1215278 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 2:23

139 ur stupid.

Reply

Loosechange | 0

#1724641 - Friday 19 November 2010 22:30

How is 139 stupid all they did was reply to the person who replied to one, the person who replied to one is the stupid person.

Reply

vtoslayer_fml | 8

#2524227 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 19:31

you're stupid because you don't know the difference between 'their' and 'they're'

Reply

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2858552 - Sunday 10 July 2011 2:42

everyones stupid problem solved

Reply

Volke | 4

#3109864 - Monday 15 August 2011 2:23

Thank you

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#73294 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

did you look good half naked? if you did, who cares!

Reply

Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3263618 - Friday 9 September 2011 19:47

Op is still retarded for freaking out that much. I'm allergic to wasps and when I see one I just kill it..

Reply

9echo | 17

#5951199 - Tuesday 20 May 2014 15:32

Let's just say there was a buzz in town...

By emery52 | 0

#73295 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

HAHAHAHA

By emery52 | 0

#73296 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

HAHAHAHA

By iiteddy | 0

#73299 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao nicee

By Mallika | 0

#73302 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:03

wow this is like the fakest fml i have ever read. how the hell do you RIP OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES?!

By ohhboyy | 0

#73303 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:03

yeah agreed #6

By newb_01 | 0

#73304 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:04

dumb blonde is my guess.

By nununu_fml | 0

#73317 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

niiiice hahaha

By Iceman101101 | 0

#73319 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

i agree thius is stuupid and sounds rlly fake!