Miscellaneous: Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

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Rock, hard place

Get it on, bang a gong

OK, well, goodbye

By Paicked - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Cork

Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML

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By lostforlife - United States - Camden

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Worth

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

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By stoprubbingitinmyface - United States - Tacoma

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML

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By queenofthegypsys

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

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By Anony Mous - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

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By hook me up with some smack, Jack - Australia - Perth

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Slidell

Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML

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By blabla - Brazil

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

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By FlGirl - United States

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

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By Jessica - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend won $1,000 in a photography contest. With a photo I took. FML

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By Megan - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was doing my laundry and I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML

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By debiebs - Brazil - Salvador

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML

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By Chubby - United States - Lake Worth

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

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By stoopidRUnner - United States

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

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By princessrose

Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2020 04:02 - Australia - Lakes Entrance

Work sucks, I know

Today, I returned to work after a week off due to severe food poisoning, after which I ended up in the ED. I was given a warning for causing an inconvenience to everyone, and next time I'm going to be sick, I should give 3 days notice. FML

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By Timmay - United States

Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boon swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML

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By dino0123 - United States - Herndon

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

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By no more flips - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

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By Devon - United States

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

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By eeelise5296 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

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By fatpooch - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

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By haha247 - United States

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

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By marie - 2/12/2020 23:02 - United States - San Jose

Gamers rise up

Today, after a stressful day at work, I just wanted to go home and play video games. And then I broke my thumb. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I did a 'dine and dash' and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pass Christian

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

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By Crappit - United States

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

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By Sammmmi - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, I heard someone try to get into my back garden. I ran to the front door, opened it and shouted at whoever it was. I then saw a police officer appear, following the person who'd jumped my fence. I then realised I wasn't wearing any trousers. I'd shouted at the police half naked. FML

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By fordn4h - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

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By xxemetahxx

Today, I got home from work early to find my boyfriend spread eagle on the couch, taking pictures of his anus. Apparently, that's what his other girlfriend is into. FML

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By Prometheus - United States

Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He rolled up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

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By anonymous

Today, I watched a YouTube video at work because I was bored. I forgot I was on a conference call and my computer's desktop was shared with 15 other people. No one said anything till it ended. FML

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Top comments

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#73294 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

did you look good half naked? if you did, who cares!

By hotlips15 | 0

#73292 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao did anyone see?

COMMENTS

By hotlips15 | 0

#73292 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao did anyone see?

Reply

Gibby_fml | 0

#907972 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 18:04

YDI for being stupid enough to think the string on your jacket was a bee. that takes a special kind of stupid.

Reply

daniisme | 0

#964868 - Saturday 20 March 2010 10:41

if their highly allergic, then I can understand. I freak out about bugs all the time.

And ur stupid for replying 2 first comment just 2 b on top.

Reply

nirvanafan980 | 0

#1215278 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 2:23

139 ur stupid.

Reply

Loosechange | 0

#1724641 - Friday 19 November 2010 22:30

How is 139 stupid all they did was reply to the person who replied to one, the person who replied to one is the stupid person.

Reply

vtoslayer_fml | 8

#2524227 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 19:31

you're stupid because you don't know the difference between 'their' and 'they're'

Reply

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2858552 - Sunday 10 July 2011 2:42

everyones stupid problem solved

Reply

Volke | 4

#3109864 - Monday 15 August 2011 2:23

Thank you

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#73294 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

did you look good half naked? if you did, who cares!

Reply

Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3263618 - Friday 9 September 2011 19:47

Op is still retarded for freaking out that much. I'm allergic to wasps and when I see one I just kill it..

Reply

9echo | 17

#5951199 - Tuesday 20 May 2014 15:32

Let's just say there was a buzz in town...

By emery52 | 0

#73295 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

HAHAHAHA

By emery52 | 0

#73296 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

HAHAHAHA

By iiteddy | 0

#73299 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao nicee

By Mallika | 0

#73302 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:03

wow this is like the fakest fml i have ever read. how the hell do you RIP OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES?!

By ohhboyy | 0

#73303 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:03

yeah agreed #6

By newb_01 | 0

#73304 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:04

dumb blonde is my guess.

By nununu_fml | 0

#73317 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

niiiice hahaha

By Iceman101101 | 0

#73319 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

i agree thius is stuupid and sounds rlly fake!