Miscellaneous: Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 104

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 1 357

31/03/2009 18:45

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 051

You deserved it 33 195

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Best teeth in the game

Knock off

30/08/2010 16:18

Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 3 053

14/02/2015 09:46

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 289

You deserved it 3 609

07/12/2016 04:32

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 501

You deserved it 2 930

11/01/2013 22:22

Today, trying to be sweet, I told my girlfriend that I'm so happy we met one another. She muttered, "Well, that makes one of us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 235

You deserved it 3 226

26/06/2012 05:44

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 193

You deserved it 52 287

16/08/2010 05:17

Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 590

You deserved it 49 692

21/01/2011 00:10

Today, I called the college of my dreams to check the status of my application. Turns out they "never received" copies of my transcripts. They did however cash the $70 application fee that was mailed with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 982

You deserved it 2 486

18/07/2012 14:41

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 068

You deserved it 6 554

18/02/2009 23:52

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 565

You deserved it 9 204

27/07/2012 23:55

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 316

You deserved it 2 477

19/03/2012 16:28

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 977

You deserved it 48 365

19/06/2009 05:26

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 457

You deserved it 124 680

08/12/2009 20:35

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 3 317

08/07/2011 01:28

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 311

You deserved it 3 207

22/10/2012 19:08

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 052

You deserved it 5 567

25/07/2012 06:10

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 818

You deserved it 1 986

21/06/2019 04:30

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 254

25/09/2013 16:35

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 637

You deserved it 3 493

29/07/2013 06:35

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 693

You deserved it 8 119

17/02/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 717

You deserved it 382

30/10/2011 05:02

Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 358

You deserved it 8 082

01/07/2009 19:18

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 067

You deserved it 10 978

22/10/2014 14:47

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 054

You deserved it 4 274

24/02/2016 22:48

Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 987

You deserved it 1 702

21/10/2009 13:54

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 766

You deserved it 4 623

Man spitting truth bombs over here

By Robert - 19/11/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my cat had died overnight at the vet's. She died alone in the dark, in a cage. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, an old, narcissistic, overweight sack of shit, survived COVID with millions of tax payer dollars in healthcare. I'd rather my cat had been the one to live; at least she made life nicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 946

28/04/2012 06:52

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 429

You deserved it 2 154

15/10/2010 00:43

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 479

You deserved it 43 344

03/12/2018 12:00

Today, I came home to find my entire action figure collection was gone. My parents told me I am too old for toys, so they opened all of the packages and donated them to Goodwill. I had an original Boba Fett, and my entire collection was worth more than twenty thousand dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 921

You deserved it 362

13/08/2009 16:49

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 747

You deserved it 6 590

17/05/2012 03:53

Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 615

You deserved it 2 073

Stormy weather

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00

Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 215

Dominion

By baby.momma2 - 26/11/2020 19:58

Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 282

17/03/2010 15:22

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 043

You deserved it 4 817

John Tucker would've known what to do.

By Dan - 09/10/2017 04:30

Today, in a rush, I accidentally wore my sister's underwear. I'm a guy. I had gym class today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 2 972

10/10/2018 17:30

Today, my mother-in-law flushed my pain medicine because she believes I’ve been using it too long and I’m addicted. I had surgery four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 697

You deserved it 142

22/01/2011 05:53

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 169

You deserved it 10 385

Misheard

By not what she said - 01/06/2020 20:00

Today, I was on a Zoom call. My sister offered to go get lunch and I told her, "Don’t forget the baguettes." One overly sensitive coworker swears I used a derogatory slur that sounds the same. I didn’t. However, I’m still going to be investigated by my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 114

21/02/2014 08:04

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 599

You deserved it 5 948

12/10/2011 23:39

Today, I spent an hour photoshopping my face onto super skinny models as inspiration for a diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 549

You deserved it 30 286

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Top comments

Shadowflames420 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

did you look good half naked? if you did, who cares!

hotlips15 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao did anyone see?

Comments

hotlips15 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao did anyone see?

Gibby_fml 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 18:04

YDI for being stupid enough to think the string on your jacket was a bee. that takes a special kind of stupid.

daniisme 0

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Saturday 20 March 2010 10:41

if their highly allergic, then I can understand. I freak out about bugs all the time. And ur stupid for replying 2 first comment just 2 b on top.

nirvanafan980 0

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Tuesday 10 August 2010 2:23

139 ur stupid.

Loosechange 0

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Friday 19 November 2010 22:30

How is 139 stupid all they did was reply to the person who replied to one, the person who replied to one is the stupid person.

vtoslayer_fml 8

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 19:31

you're stupid because you don't know the difference between 'their' and 'they're'

volley4eva1698 0

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Sunday 10 July 2011 2:42

everyones stupid problem solved

Volke 4

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Monday 15 August 2011 2:23

Thank you

Shadowflames420 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

did you look good half naked? if you did, who cares!

Fruit_Dealer 9

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Friday 9 September 2011 19:47

Op is still retarded for freaking out that much. I'm allergic to wasps and when I see one I just kill it..

9echo 17

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Tuesday 20 May 2014 15:32

Let's just say there was a buzz in town...

emery52 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

HAHAHAHA

emery52 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

HAHAHAHA

iiteddy 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:02

lmao nicee

Mallika 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:03

wow this is like the fakest fml i have ever read. how the hell do you RIP OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES?!

ohhboyy 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:03

yeah agreed #6

newb_01 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:04

dumb blonde is my guess.

nununu_fml 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

niiiice hahaha

Iceman101101 0

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:07

i agree thius is stuupid and sounds rlly fake!