Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (654)
l33tm0nk3y 0
The only good thing about these crazy Twilight fangirls is that they very effectively remove themselves from the dating pool so nobody ever has to put up with their garbage.
THC_fml 0
... you should have just raped her for making a Twilight reference.
lamisscrown 0
haha :P i am a HUGE FAN
lamisscrown 0
SORRY I DID NOT MEAN TO SEND THAT^^^^^^^^ i am a huge twilight fan but - OF THE BOOKS -i hate the movie i love robert pattinson but i loved him ever sience Ring of the Nibelungs but after twilight i hate him now!!!!!!!!! but i hate how girls r like all crazy about that dangg im sorry man some fan girls are so dangg stupid :/
meta_knight_486 5
Hopefully they're not the faggoty-ass vampires from Twilight, who sparkle in the sunlight and only drink animal blood. But, in the back of my mind, I think they are. TWILIGHT IS OVERRATED.
idonotsuckeggs 0
I agree with #8. You need to suck her blood.
Lolitia 4
TWILIGHT STRIKES AGAIN
EternalArmour 0
well here's your solution: well its a good thing I am them miss
slayerd328 0
omg, he never said she liked twilight! mayb she likes Buffy u retarts!!!!
Horsegal 0
Oh my. Don't you love those crazed Twilight fans? I like the series, but I know it isn't some quality piece of literature. lol