Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
lifsukssumtimes 0
I couldn't agree more with most of these comments. I was forced to read the twilight series by my friend, [under contract], and I DO NOT understand the whole twilight obsession. He's just a character. in a book. he's not real. get over it! ---- and guys, vampires die in the sunlight. they do not **sparkle**. ugh.
justinsbaby291 0
you should have said well maybe i am lol...stupid twilight books
sety 0
LOOL, edward cullen
miss_sobriety 0
I wonder how many relationships Twilight has ****** up. The most disturbing part of it all is the fact that all these girls have been brainwashed into thinking Edward Cullen is the perfect boyfriend. He's a total stalker.
melkor1516 0
Damn Edward!! I still can't believe how many stories I've heard like this. Sucks dude.
drkwlf 0
This is pathetic. The amount of replies on here is pathetic. And yes, I am going to join in by posting. I read Twilight. I absolutely love it. I read a LOT of books. What the **** is the problem here? Oh no, people like a book :( What a shame. Yes, it is retarded to be obsessed. But like someone previously said, it's just as bad if I, a non Star Wars(Or Star Trek, whichever, same difference to me) fan, ran around going GOD STAR WARS SUCKS! Because I'm not interested. And to that DUMBFUCK who said people can't rewrite preset fantasy creatures.. what the ****, are you retarded? Trolls can't be tall? I believe in the R. A. Salvatore books trolls are tall and can regenerate and only be killed with fire. They aren't little hobbit-like creatures under a bridge. Oh shit, you better go yell at him for being creative! **** off and grow an imagination. .. So this probably skipped from subject to subject but I don't care. I'm done now
palekidtony 0
God Damn twilight is ruining everything for us guys and the stephaine whats her name who wrote the book was high when she came up with them im not even kidding
miss_sobriety 0
I doubt Stephenie Meyer was high. The books are based off of dreams and sexual fantasies she had. She's a middle aged, chubby Mormon woman in a shitty marriage. All that + the ability to write something that will hold most preteen girls' attention = Twilight series.
Luca90 0
so...lads are pissed because they aren't getting laid anymore. Ohno, **** off and stop criticising twilight. Just 'cause you're so lame that girls prefer a fictional vampire.
Britt08 0
OMG could be attack of those friggin twihearts? That seriously sucks, but maybe it's better off that she walked away. I have found that most obsessive twilight fanigirls AKA twihearts, usually have some deep seeded problems that would come back and bite you in the a** later. I mean, there is nohing wronge in liking the book, but when the lines between fantasy and reality blur something is off. When people start obsessing over fictional characters, that sparkle in the sun for christs sake, then something is wronge. I completely agree with # 266 and #270 Edward is not only a stalker but also a pediphile, and Bella is pretty much a necrophiliac. pedophile + necrophiliac = Twilight fangirl fantasy