Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
salaamthebody 0
fcuking edward cullen.
lamoo 0
well im a majorrr twilight fan..all of you that say the book is shitt and girls need to get out of the fantasy worllddd well **** youu. the writing is fantasticcc. and i am not a 1 time reader i read a lot of book snad all diff. kinds too. girls who read it maybe we read it cuz guys in this world r so fuckign bad. so rlly all u guys tht so were so obssesed and shit, mayb there jhust syaing it to piss you off and get out of the situation=] so stop blaming it on us. but for youu...the guy tht wrote the fml..it sounds like thigns were going well between u 2 soo i think this girl might b alittlee crazyy, so im sorry for thatt.
rising_sun 0
I love how there's three times the comments once something related to Twilight appears in an FML. But yes, that's to be expected. I agree with the other comments, I read the series and I think Twilight is a horrible influence on not only teens but adults, too. It makes you want perfection in yourself and others, and guess what, no one's gonna find that.
ShowerFlirt 0
I wonder which people on here read for the experience, and which people read to pretend/prove that they are intellectually advanced?? I liked the books (omg, better discredit my opinion now). I also liked the "Drizzt" series, Lord of the Rings, Little Women, The Client, Pride and Prejudice, MacBeth, The DaVinci Code, and countless other books because I was able to relate to the characters and enjoy the story. I will admit that the Twilight series leaves little to interpretation and doesn't necessarily inspire thought beyond the context of the story (which is also an enjoyable experience--more of this can be found in the Harry Potter series so I do find myself in agreement with some people on here), but that does not mean that people who read it and like it are "******* idiots". I don't think you have to like Twilight, you're entitled to your own opinion; I just mean to say it is entirely opinion and no one is right or wrong, there is no basis for criticizing fans of novels. Well, unless they take their "opinions" to an extremely public and inappropriate level as the girl in this situation did, lol. There is clearly something wrong with a person mentally when they believe fictional characters actually exist. FYL indeed my friend.
ThotBoutTheGame 0
**** TWILIGHT i used to like it! i really did! now its as worse as jonas brothers, and all that shit!!!!! by the way, im a girl.
rwarlol 0
i dunno what twilight has to do with anything. he wouldn't got lucky anyways. i say weird things to get girls off my back b/c it's funnier that way. rejection is a rejection. sounds like my kinda girl.
Sam1234_fml 0
damn you twilight
Phayl 0
Anyone who thinks women don't get like that about Twilight are kidding themselves. I got linked a profile from a dating site a couple of days ago that says under the "What I'm looking for" section: Must look like Edward Cullen or be a real Vampire. She was 21. Srsly, WTF.
MrPoly 0
#315, stop typing like an idiot. Don't add letters at the end of each word. Twilight blows. to OP, that really sucks. This book has ruined way too many relationships.
ilikequarters 0
you're not a vampire, ylif