Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
Rht2925 0
number 183 all I was saying was that you don't see guys going around saying oh I wish Edward cullen was my boyfriend
rihannalover 0
maybe her feet were tired and she was hoping you could make like cullen and jump through trees with her.
lolwhat_fml 0
OMGZZZ, I LUV EDWARD CULLLEN HE EIZ SO DAZZZLING ND SPARKLINNNG, I WISH EVERY GUY WERE LIKE DAT!!! not. =.=
amiiix3 0
#19, haha. It's fans like you who get so worked up over everything that create such stereotypes. "Twilight was a good book (don't hate on a book who sold that many copies). So #1,2,6 and 7, maybe if you read more you can talk about more than the ONE book you read just so you can make fun of it. Your pathetic." I've read all four. I even went to the midnight release of the 4th one to debate with a couple fans and by the end of the night had them convinced that it wasn't a book to take so seriously. : ) Furthermore, the number of copies a book sells has no bearing on the quality of the work. It only goes to show how capitalism can work in mysterious ways. For example, the Pet Rock, a trend of the 70's.
xxnickiixx 0
haha.u should've been a vampire. i wish that to0 though. **** YOU TWILIGHT HATERS!!!!!! PIECES OF SHIT!!!!!!!!**** YOU ALL TO HELL AND BURN!!!!!!!!
aquariusbeauty 0
# 2 - AGREED.
kawaiimomo 0
**** Edward Cullen I'd rather have Rhett Buttler any day. o and sorry man that sucks but you're better off without her.
drippin_pitch 0
dude. this girl sounds like a ******* idiot. i was one of those people who read twilight before it was popular and i think they were okay, but they aren't a guide to life, for ***** sake. people take them way too seriously. she should go read interviews with a vampire. its way better.
heatherfeather 4
that is exactly why i refuse to read twilight. twilighters need to stop whining and realize that edward is FICTIONAL and REAL men are not going to be like him. get off your damn pedistal, twilight fan girls! that sucks for you, though. sorry bout that.
stuipdthing 0
It was Twilight wasn't it. Dude any girl that loves Twilight is an idiot (I say this as a straight girl who's read all four of the books). Worst writing ever and abusive boyfriends and boring main charecters. Never go out with a Twilight fan they are insane. Your better of without her