Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
SoftballChick72 0
How the hell do you know she was talking about Twilight? She may just have a general intrest in vampires, I mean i always have -.- And yeah, i do like Twilight, it keeps me intertained. But Twilight is also about humans & werewolves. People get a life and stop griping about a book, you don't know that she's talking about Edward Oh, and OP, you should've bitten her on the neck if you wanted her, BEFORE she walked away. Anyhoo, best of luck finding a girl that doesn't have such high standards :)
ktwalke 0
Jesus, girls need to get over Edward! HE'S NOT REAL. I feel really bad for all the guys.
Emptypot 0
Wow, another Twitard. (I mean that in all respect, there's a lot of worse nicknames for them.) I feel really bad....She isn't worth it if she'd rather obsess over a glittery fictional character. "EDWARD CULLEN! RUINING RELATIONSHIPS EVERYWHERE!" There's a lot of nice ANTI- Twilight girls out there. Just keep looking. ^^
ladyitalkalot 0
twilight is awesome that girl is damn right we all need our edward all guys should inspire to be edward, and since you cant be him (obviously) you should all struggle to come within a mile of his level.
SnipErlite 0
I REALLY hope you're trolling otherwise you need a good slap -.-" -.-" -.-"
12bee195 0
Wow someones a tweaker haha sorry to here that happened to you!! at least you donthave to be surrouneded by those kind of people all the time...Twilight this Twilight that i mean come on shut the **** up!
usernamehereXX 0
Bahahaha. Sorry. Love it. That sucks. But the saddest thing is, that's something I would do. What has Twilight done to the world?
Carrots12 0
And that's the problem with Edward Cullen obsessed bitches these days >
marlux 0
hmmm try sucking on her neck next time lol
Indiana_fml 4
*rofl* I was told about this book just days ago. Wouldn't have thought that it already had such an impact :)
Oriina 0
Y'know, I didn't think "Twilight" at first. My first thought was: "She wants you to suck her blood and kill her? Maybe put her head on a stake? Romantic." But maybe that's because I'm old-styled ;D