Intimacy: Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up...

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 562

You deserved it 24 311

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Same thing different taste

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 564

You deserved it 434

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 296

Hangover time

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 335

You deserved it 30 370

By anon - 20/12/2016 23:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after taking a guy home and getting frisky, he woke up in the middle of the night, got out of bed, and peed on my desk. That's 2 years of uni work and my laptop soaked through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 779

You deserved it 2 896

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 701

You deserved it 4 699

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 591

You deserved it 2 802

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 915

You deserved it 4 004

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 266

You deserved it 62 360

It's not the size that counts

By Leo Scofield - 29/08/2020 02:00

Today, I came home to find out my roommate had sex in my bed, because he didn't want his date to know he has a smaller bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 029

You deserved it 147

By Anonymousse - 13/11/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 766

You deserved it 1 552

iheartjustinsane 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 16:32

YDI for sleeping with some guy you just met.

youdontdeserveit_fml 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 17:27

shamwow?

Comments

FromCFL 0

Monday 19 October 2009 17:39

He may've been sleep-walking/peeing. I did that once, didn't realize I wasn't actually at a urinal (as I dreamt I was) until my partner woke me up.

Skittles44848 0

Monday 19 October 2009 23:11

YDI - Well that's what you get for being a ****.

magiczipperman 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 3:00

haha. that dudes a straight up boss

bs_spotter 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 4:03

Baking soda will get rid of the smell, but you deserved it. However, he is a total lightweight or douchebag pissing on the floor.

Sparkiee93 3

Tuesday 20 October 2009 22:19

You should kick him right in the ovaries.

omghehehe 0

Sunday 25 October 2009 13:41

WTF!!!!!!! Ewwwwwww!!!!

Lostfaith6 0

Saturday 31 October 2009 4:36

what? kick him in the ovaries? he has none. he is a dude. nd YDI cuz nobidy told yuh to bring him hme anyway.

lmerlos 0

Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:05

wow that easy... u totally deserve it!!

TehOnionUser 0

Friday 4 December 2009 17:35

You deserve it for sleeping with a man you know for few hours. B***hes are not sexy.

MinaLovesYewhNig 0

Saturday 27 March 2010 16:31

HERPES!!!

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Today, it's been a year since my wife agreed to an open marriage. A friend said at the time that she would get a lot more sex than me, and would end up leaving me. I ignored him because he's a basement dwelling Trump supporter who's never had a girlfriend. Turns out he was completely right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 987

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

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You deserved it 3 970

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 44 861

You deserved it 3 749

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park as I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me, so feeling nice, I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 050

You deserved it 6 823

Today, my boss threw a party for everyone in the office who has a birthday in September. Everyone got a cake with their names on it except me. My birthday is today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 090

You deserved it 838

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 3 363

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 934

You deserved it 2 006

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 750

You deserved it 8 882

Same thing different taste

Hangover time

It's not the size that counts

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