By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML
I agree, your life sucks 69 621
You deserved it 3 582
Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

PeopleRSoDumb 0

If you play your cards right, instead of a birth you could have two funerals.

221 10

Comments

perdix 29

If the OP has been trying for months, there is at least a chance that the baby is his. Unless he has a sperm count of zero, he has been pumping in billions of his little soldiers into his wife's love cave, and it only takes one to attain victory. I seriously doubt that before the child is born that they could establish paternity between two such genetically-similar potential dads as brothers. The good news is the little bastard is going to have the right grandpa and grandma anyways. On the other hand, Thanksgivings with Uncle Dad are going to be awkward.

3 1
Seldon_fml 0

Realistically, with amniocentesis, they could do a paternity test pretty early into the pregnancy. As long as they can take a sample of the DNA, they can sequence it and get a match (or lack thereof). Genetic similarity, aside from monozygotal twins, isn't close enough to make that impossible. And I disagree about your "good news". The only good news from this situation is going to be when the OP divorces his wife, demands a paternity test, proves the bastard isn't his, and washes his hands of the situation.

3 0
perdix 29

I'm glad that you "disagree" about what I called good news. It was written sarcastically. My impression was that amnio was done mainly to look at chromosomes, and that analysis at the genetic level would be much more expensive. Maybe DNA fingerprinting has gotten cheaper in the past few years, but I thought the OP could shell out a fortune to find out the truth. Is it really worth it? Also, amnio has risks -- not everyone does it.

1 1
Microbiologist 0

It really isn't clear that you meant the good news sarcastically. It can be quite challenging to convey it through a written medium such as the tinternets. I'd be interested as to how much a pre term paternity test would cost. If anyone can find out - please post back.

3 0
girlygirl666 0

Exactly. OP should petition for an in- vitro paternity test. That way he'll know if it's his. If it isn't his, the documentation would help in court to negate any responsibility OP would have to the child. Still, there is a chance he'd still be responsible ( unfair as that would be), because a child produced within the marriage is legally considered to be the child of both parents, even if there was infedity.

1 0
ImaginaryFoe 0

I thought the sarcasm came through loud and clear but then, I have a sense of humour. If there was any difficulty conceiving on the mom-to-be's part, I doubt anyone will force her to have an amnio just to prove paternity when that is easily done after the kid is born. Either way FHL for the next several months wondering if you are separated from the mother of your child or knowing you are living with an adulteress.

1 0
Seldon_fml 0

OP, one thing to be wary of: If you attempt to divorce your wife, and don't demand a paternity test at that time, you could still end up paying child support. The child born in a marriage is assumed to be a child of the marriage. Make sure to tell the court it's not yours, and demand a test.

5 0
Myjestic1980 5

That is one perfectly written FML you did there! It's also one heck of a disapointment....

0 0
skyeyez9 24

Do what #76 advised.

1 0
npk88 0

Divorce your wife for cheating on you with your brother; but before you write off the kid as not yours; get a paternity test. If she was sleeping with you (which if you were trying to get pregnant I think its safe to assume she was) AND your brother; it could be either one of yours' kid. If you've wanted to be a dad for 7 years, it's better to have shared custody with your soon to be ex-wife if the kid is yours; then to assume the baby isn't yours and have it grow up without a dad.

1 0
zozbasha 9

since she is a bitch i would say **** her to death then neuter your brother

1 0
Batman4890 0

omg! i misunderstood that 2 the max!!! i thought u ment u got ur sister pregnant! thank god i read the comments before i commented!

0 2