Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a good time. Perfect. Afterwards, he stupidly tried to pull the condom off with way too much force. It burst everywhere, splattering our faces, the bed sheets, and even the wall. Absolute disaster. We just stared at each other and laughed. Never again. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
So... you gave yourself a facial? Smooth.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Holding a used condom above your face can never end well. Wtf were you thinking.
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Comments (216)
perdix 31
Now, your gf should wonder if you're going to go gay now that you've taste man-aise. Or maybe you'll take enough yoga that you can suck your own dick and put her out of a *lowers sunglasses* job.
Z03y 7
Well said, Sir :)
MagicStallion 9
LMFAO man-aise. Funnily enough, I've never heard that one before....
ManInTheMachine 20
Better yet, he should join your naked Zumba class perdix. Who better to train OP than the expert himself?
peachesncreem 21
I will never look at mayonnaise the same way ever again. You've ruined sandwiches for me! Thanks Perdix :(
ElricMustang 23
Yea, I know...
perdix 31
#98, they've become sammiches from now on!
aaahhhfire21 0
Who said you could come back perdix havent seen you comment in awhile
fmlrocks25 0
That sucks for u.... Gross
I_Punch_Babies 7
congratulations OP. you just gave yourself a facial!
therealslim 15
We've already had this.
PrincessPesa 20
So has your mom! Bam!
MrBrightside21 20
38 - Ohhhhhhh snap! You mind if I use that one?
ChickInGreenVans 12
That's what she said..
ICastillo 25
Wow man you facialed yourself , OP i think you can proudly say you are the first to do that -_-
TheNewGuy03 29
Nah, what about those who autofellate and/or ********** and shoot all over their faces? D: |the kid|
SystemofaBlink41 27
90- geez is auto fellate even possible?
RedPillSucks 33
And cum on their face? Why?
ICastillo 25
Ya that is messed up man.
43trauts 14
93 - If the person has a flexible back, long neck, or a large... umm... than they can definitely fellate themselves.
Ray_of_midnight 23
It is. Adult film actor Ron Jeremy is known as "The Hedgehog" for a reason.
devilschoice 6
93: it is indeed possible. A certain, let's call him, Hedgehog, has proven so in at least One of his movies from back in the day :D
Argumental_Rhino 8
It is indeed possible, I'm quite flexible and "blessed" down there so I could most likely succeed. I am never going to try that though, im not that lonely.
Minna_fml 14
20: You're new to the internet, aren't you?
jeremy4719 0
Why would you hold your busted nut over your own face?! Now, holding it over hers would be fine.
Accept 11
You're Obviously the meaning of asshole.
Calyx_fml 22
Actually Accept, in this case it's your. The easy rule is that you're is a contraction for "you are". If you can say "you are" and it makes sense then use you're. Otherwise, use your. Unless you're being sarcastic making fun of grammar nazis. Then it's spelled yorr.
Accept 11
I was slightly waiting for someone to correct me, & You're / Your / Yor/ Not really commenting on the FML but my obvious way of spelling. Why bother? ^-^
Sielune 8
36 - Please tell me that was a lame attempt at trolling. Read 31's comment again and then go sit in the corner.
BunchieRules 31
36 - I didn't find anything wrong with her comment, except that she capitalized the O in obviously, which was used for emphasis.
just_anonymous 8
#36 What was the point of you grammar correction? You didn't correct this person at all. All you managed to accomplish was to show how you fail at being a grammar nazi, epically.
RedPillSucks 33
That was the point. Just not the one he intended.
greenmen 12
Played rough next time take it easy
tony1891 22
you'll find out soon enough how "safe" it was
ryggsekk 8
**** that's nasty
Calyx_fml 22
Be honest, you liked it.
cfire800 0
Better than her "swallowing" then spit it up in your mouth...
MagicStallion 9
Whoever it is your seeing, please dump them...