Intimacy: Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the...

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 752

You deserved it 42 674

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Same thing different taste

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 751

You deserved it 6 029

Why would you stick that there?

By Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 899

You deserved it 61 166

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 106

You deserved it 83 436

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 517

You deserved it 59 460

By Andrew - 23/10/2012 19:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 569

You deserved it 11 545

By jen - 16/01/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 750

You deserved it 28 010

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 647

You deserved it 2 817

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 902

You deserved it 40 514

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 392

You deserved it 3 192

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 936

You deserved it 74 597

SkoomaKi 27

Wednesday 6 June 2012 22:23

So... you gave yourself a facial? Smooth.

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Wednesday 6 June 2012 22:22

Holding a used condom above your face can never end well. Wtf were you thinking.

Comments

assafb 3

Thursday 7 June 2012 15:42

Moron of the day

newyorker1215 2

Thursday 7 June 2012 16:50

Now you know how it tastes next time don't make her eat it

scrumpy17 1

Thursday 7 June 2012 18:29

did you swallow?

okcfan 1

Thursday 7 June 2012 18:36

53- how do you have a 96 gpa?

condango 0

Thursday 7 June 2012 23:02

I wonder how hard it's gonna be to get a kiss anytime soon...

Stormdriven37 6

Friday 8 June 2012 0:10

What possessed you to hold it over your face?

jessmariee 7

Friday 8 June 2012 0:27

Spitters are quitters(;

aarylove 1

Friday 8 June 2012 1:25

That is really disgusting!! You obviously have nothing else to do after having sex but put condoms on top of your face!

o4berk 0

Friday 8 June 2012 2:00

Super soaked yourself, HA!

jcmjr 4

Friday 8 June 2012 6:17

Lmao ur nut are retaliating lol viva la revolution!!!!

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The Top

Today, despite all my begging for him to at least be civil, my son started his eulogy at his dad's funeral with the words, “Let me tell you a few things about the bastard in the coffin over there.” It only got worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 460

You deserved it 710

Today, I made a bet with my classmate that I would dare to play a weird song in front of the professor. I did, and as promised, she was supposed to give me $20, but she said it was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 349

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 347

You deserved it 8 492

Tsk tsk tsk...

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 719

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 195

You deserved it 9 696

Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 140